Fitness Solution

Since I moved back to the bay, I've been struggling to find a fitness solution that works for me. When I was living up north, going to Crossfit every day was no problem because I didn't teach during the week and had a VERY set schedule with work because I couldn't work from home. Also I lived at the barn, so riding was easy in the mornings before work. Everything was predictable. My Crossfit friends were all around my age or a little younger, many of them PhD students at the local university or recent graduates.

Miss this place

We formed a group and would all attend the same classes, a lot of the time staying late after class to hang out. It was a huge bummer moving away from them, although I think a lot of people split in the following months. We still have a group chat, but it's mostly quiet.

When I moved back, I tried several crossfits (three in total, plus a powerlifting gym) and none of them stuck. Either the times weren't great, the programming wasn't my fave, or I didn't like the coaching. Then I got mono and was forced to stop anyway. And when I recovered from mono, I doubled my business load and then basically stopped going to the gym.

Since then I've struggled to figure this out. I love the group classes and weightlifting that Crossfit offers, but I can't make specific times. I don't have a set schedule because of teaching, I need flexibility in when I can hit the gym. Most of the gyms in this area don't have enough classes at random times to help me out there.

Ugh I should have gotten lifters
much sooner, my OHS and general
squat form is way better now

Then my brother and I went bouldering together in September kind of randomly, I went a couple more times with him and once with my boyfriend after that and then it kind of petered out, but I did like it. Boyfriend and I started looking around in the area where we are and couldn't find a single gym that wasn't just completely packed after work (which is the easiest time for us to go together, although he has a gym at work he can go to and he's also a cyclist).

But I went bouldering again recently with my brother (before he had a kid) and was reminded how much I love bouldering and how sparse the gym is in comparison to other gyms. So I decided to join!

They have group classes in the after work hours (TRX, yoga, a core class) and if I can't make one of those, the weight room is always scarce because most people are there to climb. The climbing is great! I can boulder by myself or with my brother (when he is back to normal life... eventually) and when my hands get tired, I can go squat or row or deadlift or something. It's also way less expensive than crossfit, which is good. And I get a free guest pass every month! My brother goes 1-2x per week and I plan on trying to go with him (again, eventually, can you tell I wrote this post before my niece decided to come into the world two weeks early?), plus once or twice more to do some weights. If I can't figure out what to do, I can look back at my old workouts (I have a huge amount of workouts just sitting in a saved folder from doing Crossfit all of 2018) and do those.

We don't have tons of hobbies in common, paddle boarding is
one of them (which we don't do enough, this summer for sure!)

Also hiking! This is from Lassen in 2018

Fingers crossed it will work out! I just want to go a few hours a week and keep myself active beyond just riding. And being able to share something with my brother is great. Yes he now has a kid, but he says that he and my SIL want to keep doing their physical activities (she does barre), so hopefully he can come with me once a week once they settle in with the kiddo.

August Crossfit Post

Alright another month, another below par gym schedule.

My business absolutely exploded last month and the gym is taking a back seat unfortunately. I've blocked out Mondays for my powerlifting class because I love it, but after that, it seems random if I even get to go back to the gym. I now teach on Wednesdays and Fridays, so that leaves Tuesdays and Thursdays to gym, but I keep having stuff to do on those days. I've been supplementing with some work at home and some running at the open space near where I teach, but I don't ever push myself as long or as hard when I'm on my own. Luckily my work gym opened last week so I'll be able to get there sometimes too.

But the powerlifting, I'm loving it. I love Crossfit, don't get me wrong, but Crossfit manages to piss off my wrist with the olympic lifting, the push-ups, the hand stands... but my body loves powerlifting. I mean, I'm not built for it at all and I don't lift anything close to an impressive weight, but my wrist thinks that it's great. And I can't believe how much more fun going to the gym is when there's no nerves that my wrist won't be able to handle the workout.

So my thought for this month is to back off to just dropping in once a week for that class, then supplementing with my work gym at least once a week for lifting and then run, either at the open space or at my work gym.

I've been riding a LOT more (I have two client horses I'm riding right now, plus TC, plus random other catch rides) and sitting TC's trot every day, so I think my fitness can be maintained with less gym work. Hopefully that's true, we'll find out!

From powerlifting this month

For this month, no major PRs because I have just been working to perfect the big three lifts. I haven't PR'd my bench but I have added a lot of volume (so more reps per set, way more actually). My back squat is feeling terrible and my coach thinks that's leftover from mono, so I'm working really hard on form to force my glutes to fire. And my deadlift remains my strongest lift for now, I haven't fully gotten back to my last 1RM because I've been fixing my form, but I did get back up to bodyweight for 3 and that felt great, super easy with the new form.

Fingers crossed that next month goes well for all this. I'm looking forward to doing more bouldering too!

July Crossfit Update

Another month gone by and I am back on track! I found a new CrossFit gym to go to, just a few minutes further than my old one.

This one is great! The owner and head coach is a woman, so that's always inspiring. It's a way more strength-focused gym as well. In fact, they hold specialty classes like Powerlifting, Gymnastics, and Olympic Lifting each week and those are the times that are best for my schedule.

Seney National Wildlife Preserve in Michigan

As much as I'm absolutely not built for it, I think my favorite so far is power lifting. I think I'd enjoy the Olympic lifts more if my wrist wasn't so fucked though, cleans are way fun.

But powerlifting as a sport is just the back squat, deadlift, and bench press. In class, we do a lot of other stuff too, of course, but we do at least two of those lifts each day. I love lifting classes, it's way less time pressure and way less cardio.

The gymnastics class is great! It's crossfit focused gymnanstics so it's not as cool as I imagined it could have been. So far it's been a LOT of core, which I think is perfect for me. Having a workout every week that is dedicated to probably the most important muscle groups for me (due to my back injury and having a very bouncy horse) is great!

The actual crossfit classes are fun too, I like the programming way better than my last gym even though it's VERY apparent that I'm weak, probably from 1) taking time off, 2) rapid weight loss due to mono, I put it back on but when you lose weight that fast, it's not good for you, and 3) poor programming since I left my favorite gym in January. So I'm just taking my time getting back to it. If I'd ever stop being busy, I'd be able to go 4x/week and actually get back in shape, for now 2x/week has been my norm, which is frustrating but it's fine.

Over last weekend, Peony, Andy, and I ate this

Obviously with travelling so much and just barely getting back into it after time off, I've hit absolutely no PRs this month, again. Hopefully I'll be back to it in August/September and will see some progress.

June Crossfit Update

Another month of not really working out.

I got the okay to go back to riding before I got the okay to go back to CrossFit. But I was allowed to go back mid-June and I did! For one class.

My issues with my gym have been that they really emphasize cardio and then suddenly we're doing a month of testing to see how heavy I can get these lifts that I never practice. In addition to disliking cardio and loving to lift, I also just can't see how this is effective training.

Luckily my gym listened to their members complaining that there wasn't enough barbell work and implemented new barbell classes! That were uncoached... uh. So I went to one of them and it was all self paced and a normal class was going on at the same time. Cool. I can do that at home.

Love this trail!

This month I've joined another gym because they had a special. It's essentially more than half off and I get unlimited. So I'm going to take my time to try them out. They have an Oly class and a Powerlifting class in addition to a bunch of regular Crossfit. I looked at the programming and I really like it! Way more lifting and sure, there's cardio, but it's clearly not as much of an emphasis.

So fingers crossed that goes well and I can get back to it!

I always feel better when I'm working out. My riding is better (right now my sitting trot is so weak), my anxiety is better (I'm doing fine on that front though), and my eating is better (I basically eat one meal a day when I'm not active enough and then I feel like crap). So I'm excited to get back into it.

I have had my training bar for about a month now and love it. I just kind of wander by it and do a few cleans or some pause squats or what not. I'm fully aware that I don't do enough of the lifts I don't like (ask me how many times I've worked on snatches, hah, none), but it's nice to be able to incorporate barbell work into my home workouts (which again are mostly just fun things, I am not disciplined).

May Crossfit Update

Well May was an absolute bust, I lost a TON of fitness nearly immediately after the month started due to my stupid illness. Immediately. I didn't go to the gym once.

I'm out of CrossFit for the entire month of June as well I think (mostly due to the membership savings if I don't go, I can rehab myself on my own), I'll probably go back in early July. I need to be able to work myself back into riding, then work myself back into riding + working, THEN get ready to add CrossFit after work.

I GET TO RIDE THIS TOMORROW

What I did do in the month of May is two things:

1) I messaged a video of my deadlift form to an instagram account I follow that offered to do form help. He sent back some really good information! So I'm going to start doing that stuff regularly to improve my form.

2) I took some of the money I saved from not taking lessons in May and not paying for CrossFit in June and bought a training barbell (30lbs) and two bumper plates (10lbs each).

The barbell has already been way too much fun. It takes up a huge amount of my living room and I am constantly in fear of twisting with the barbell and smashing my television, but I love it.

Want more bars

It's only 50lbs with the plates on (I already want 15lb plates and 5lb plates), so I figured that was pretty light and easy to practice all of my lifts with. I've been mostly working on my deadlift and clean form, since that's where I struggle the most with my hips, but I've also played with some squats.

My ankle is still real awful, I want to get specific weightlifting shoes to help it out. If I have even a 3/4" lift under my heel, I have way more confidence in my squat. So the shoes will help, and the alternative seems to be looking more and more like surgery... so I'll take the shoes.

April Crossfit Update

I'm not super on it with my blog these days, oops. It's fine, it just means that life is getting in the way (in a good way!).

April PRs
Power Clean - 95# (failed 100# boo)
Strict Press - 60#
500m Row - 1:59

This month was kind of hit or miss. There were weeks I didn't go at all and weeks I went three days in a row. I'm getting a little bit frustrated with the programming, I will go on.

I like Crossfit for several reasons:
1) I get coaching lifting weights.
2) I love the community/taking group classes.
3) It keeps me in shape.

This gym hits on two of three. The community is great and even though I haven't been attending as regularly, I'm still in good shape. I plan on destroying my hiking partner this weekend like I destroyed my family the last time I hiked.

The lifting weights thing... Crossfit isn't all about lifting weights, but I do get frustrated seeing bodyweight and cardio workouts nonstop with no skill/strength section. I can do cardio at home. I can do bodyweight stuff at home. I can't lift barbells at home (not yet at least).

I also like being able to eat ice cream all the time

So while I absolutely CRUSHED my 500m row time (down from 2:24 to 1:59)... and my heart rate is ridiculously low all the time... and I don't get tired doing anything anymore... I really miss the strength work. I love it. I'm not good at it (so therefore I need help), but I love it.

It especially frustrated me when we were asked to find our max clean and jerk the last week in April. Great! A strength day!

But not having done a clean and jerk in months meant that while my strength felt okay, my timing for the lifts was bad. I failed a lift a few times and my coach tried helping by telling me to keep my chest up (then told me to stop overthinking it... girl) but I really need a whole strength portion at a lighter weight to fix this faulty movement pattern of mine.

You can't change movement patterns as you're walking into the show ring... and I can't change my movement pattern AND go for a max. The jerk was the same thing. I can jerk more than I can clean, so the jerk never felt bad, but I was again asked to change my movement pattern when the weight got heavier.

All this week has been non-stop cardio with no barbell work, so I ended up just not going after Monday (maxing C&J and 500m row day).

I took a picture of this cheapo 30lb bar, apparently you can't
put more than 200lbs on it or it bends but like... I don't think my
downstairs neighbors want me lifting anything particularly heavy

My options are such:

- Go to this gym's non-cardio days as much as possible, utilize open gym, my work gym, and maybe even get a training barbell at home to practice
- Switch gyms to one that has a strength portion each day before the metcon
- Do nothing and continue to just complain about it

I'm thinking of trying 1 and 3 first. I do like this gym. The coaching is good, the equipment is nice, I have some friendly people I talk to (not friends with anyone like I was at my last gym though), the location is good, and the class times are great.

Plus, I do know that the cardio fitness makes me way happier outside of Crossfit (and hey it's fun to be just behind my coach for every cardio workout). But when I'm there staring at the barbells from my rower, I just want to kick the rower down, grab a barbell, and run out the door.

So I'm missing my old gym extra these days. We almost always had a strength portion, and there were separate strength classes to take as well. I could do 1-2 days a week of a metcon and then 3-4 days a week of strength and that was great for me! I was fit but I was having fun. I'd subject myself to the metcon knowing that the next day we'd be doing heavy deadlifts or squats.

We did have a recent survey go out so I did express my frustration there. Fingers crossed something changes! And maybe I'll go impulse buy that training bar.

March Crossfit Update

I finally joined a crossfit! Bout time, it had been two full months! My new crossfit has been good. The location and class times are working for me, the coaching has been pretty good, the programming is fine, and the price is right. I signed up for the 3 day per week membership for a few reasons:

1) It is near my work so I can't go there on weekends anyway, this would limit me to 5x/week if I went every weekday, but I usually have a meeting off campus or a work from home day or lessons to teach that would reduce it.

2) It only has 6:30 classes twice a week, I can swing leaving work early once or twice a week to make a 5:30 class but not three days a week (plus friday classes are 4:30, which is quite early, I've only made one of those and it was because it was spring break and I had to work over the weekend anyway)

3) For the last eight months, I was over training before to the point where I couldn't eat enough food to sustain myself, so even though I wasn't necessarily losing weight, I wasn't putting on any either. Working out 5x/week should be causing me to gain muscle. In addition, my body wasn't feeling very good. I get that people can train 2-3x/day, but these are people who have their nutrition dialed in and don't sit at a desk or in a car for 11 hours a day.

4) I wanted to back crossfit off to something that was more fun for me rather than chasing PRs and making myself feel bad about being one of the weaker people in the gym. Like if I work out this much, how am I still not back squatting my body weight? Well, Megan, what does it matter?

So far, my shift in perspective has been great! For example, we did snatches one day and I was kind of hungry and feeling overwhelmed by life. Instead of going for a max, I just used the bar and ended the workout feeling like I had good form the whole time and not caring that I wasn't pushing myself per say.

In March we had a plank challenge and this
was my longest plank, yikes

I really like the coach. I'm a slow to warm person so I knew it'd take me a second, but she's growing on me. She's super enthusiastic, definitely lives and breathes this stuff, and is quite good with correcting form and teaching movements. I also just plain like her as a person. She's not the games judge or the high level power lifting coach I was working with before, but she's good and I like her.

As for PRs this month, just the one on my clean, I got it to 90# and the weight moved so easily, I should have tried to snag that 100# PR, next time!

We Own the Sky

It feels really good to be back in a routine of working out regularly, I even got my first PR at my new gym. Two months of sporadic weight lifting is not fun.

I saw an article the other day in Dressage Today talking about how beneficial having a strong core was for your riding. I kind of thought "uh yeah, duh" when I saw it. How many people simultaneously want to believe that riding is a physical endeavor and yet do not treat it like the sport (with cross training and developing your physical abilities)... I don't have to convince anyone here.

One of the perks of teaching is that I get to visit my previous
barn, sometimes it makes me sad but mostly I just admire
how damn beautiful it is

I figured I'd take some time to talk about what benefits I've seen in my riding since getting back into CrossFit last year after having a very sporadic workout routine for the last three or so years.

1) I am way more confident
This winter has been rough with switching barns and dealing with TC being locked in a smaller paddock. TC hates his small paddock and frequently takes it out on me. I no longer fear coming off of him or not being able to handle his shit. I know that physically I'm capable of taking anything he gives.

2) Sitting trot doesn't suck
TC's trot is one of the harder ones I've had to sit. Previously, I struggled a lot with it and it was all consuming. If there's one thing I know about the FEI levels, and even starting at Second level, if you're looking at the test and the sitting trot element seems daunting, you fucked. I don't want to have to think about sitting the trot, I just want to do it. The core strength required of weightlifting is really helpful in this!

3) My cardio won't quit
Riding can and should be physically taxing. If it isn't then what am I doing? But having good cardio because of all the running and rowing I'm forced to do (since I will not run without being peer pressured into doing it) has been so helpful.

4) Mental game
I like having things in my life that prove to me over and over again that sticking it out and being dedicated will pay off in the end. Crossfit has helped my mental game quite a lot by just getting me used to suffering putting in the effort even when my body is like "nah thanks." I kind of got used to being tired and pushing through, which is really helpful for when TC is being a dingbat and I need to push through that too.

Even in the winter under the rain clouds!

I'm glad that I can fit everything in - I ride every morning for the most part and then I hit the gym after work 3x/week. On the weekends I'm hoping to start incorporating more hiking and then also get myself to a weekend drop in class when I have the time.

Functional Movement Screen

Upon joining my new gym (details later), I was told that I got a free functional movement screen (FMS). The idea of the FMS is that it will show my coach where my weaknesses are so that she can give me corrective exercises and keep an eye on my lifts.

Cool, cool.

I mostly wanted to do it because I thought it would help me further my understanding of my own biomechanics for riding.

Priorities.

Always a priority 

So Monday evening after class, I met with my coach and we went through the movements required and she gave me scores on everything.

The actual screen didn't really tell me anything... It shamed me for not being able to do a push up, but she had my hands in a weird place and also I can't really do a very good push up anyway.

I did take a few things away that were biomechanics related:

- I'm way more comfortable standing on my left leg than my right

- My left hip flexor is weaker than my left

- My left hamstring is more flexible than my right


This really does show me how much I want to jam my left leg down and bring my right leg up. Clearly my hip flexor is stronger on the right because I want to draw that leg up under me. And clearly my left leg is the one I like to stand on because I'm standing on it even when riding.

Afterward she asked me if I had any goals. My first instinct was that I'd like to increase my cheesecake consumption without increasing my body fat and I'd like to be able to sit the trot better. Peony told me to ask for more ass, I agree with that too, could use some more butt. Not so much more that my saddle doesn't fit me though. Manageable ass growth please.

I did come up with a few reasonable goals with her prodding: doubleunders without whipping the shit out of my legs and get a strict pull up. And a few unreasonable goals: muscle ups and a 200lb deadlift.

I thought about it afterward and scratched my goals. I think that my main goal for CrossFit is this: keep it fun and low key. I am a type A person and I can make myself positively miserable in my sport of choice making too many goals and putting too much structure on myself and then shaming myself for not sticking to my structured schedule.

I've seen this go around the blogosphere and it is accurate

By the way, I kind of don't recommend paying for one of these FSMs (mine was free) unless you're real unfortunate in the flexibility department. And I'm talking unfortunate. Because I am the least flexible person I know by a long shot and it didn't tell me much. I think it's more for people who don't exercise... I passed every test except the stupid push up one. When my coach asked me if I had any pain for that one, I said "just my ego" and then moved my hands to where I like to push up from and managed to get up just fine.

February Crossfit Update

So February was a freaking bust in terms of working out. The month started out with the Mary clinic, then I was sick, then I put things off for a while when all the barn drama happened.

I went to that strength gym at the end of January and loved it... the first time I went there. It was everything I wanted, but when it came down to it, what I need and what I want are not the same. I make so many decisions every day for work, my horse's training plan, my client's training plans, scheduling... the only decision I want to make about the gym is whether I'm going or not. So when I got in there and had to pick a workout, design my own warm up, pick weights, deliberately go talk to the coach vs having them follow me around... it was just stressful.

I only have so much mental capacity, so I turned my focus back to finding a crossfit gym where things were way more structured.

On another note, can't wait to hike here

Unfortunately I got sick and then busy, so it was nearing the end of the month when I got a message from my previous coach saying something like "girl, have you found a gym yet?" and I had to admit that no, I hadn't. And he said to just get to one. Now. Today.

So I looked up the one I liked the most of the few I had tried and decided to just go there in the last week of February (this was Tuesday night this week btw). I got there and said hi to the coach and saw that the workout was more of a strength workout- a long warm up and then a 5x4 back squat at around 80%. Phew, because my cardio is shot right now.

The coach was great, any time I moved he was watching me, helping me with my form and giving me things to think about. I kept it light because I'm really shifting my focus in terms of weightlifting (not over training anymore, retraining faulty movement patterns at lighter weight for a while, not going hard hard hard every day) and it was super fun. It's not a party like my last gym... I didn't stay after and chit chat with everyone, there's no group chat or anything. But what really matters is that the coaching was great and I finally got to get under the bar again.

Love the open space so close to me

I went again last night and met the new head coach. She's young and inexperienced, but she had good feedback for what we were doing (though it was more cardio/recovery in preparation for the open workout today that I'm not doing because of ponies) and has a lot of good education behind her. I think she's bound to be a pretty great coach one day, I have to remember that it's not about finding the equivalent coach to my riding instructors (since I have big aspirations for dressage but not for lifting), it's about finding someone good for my level who is going to keep me safe.

This gym has a lower cost membership for 3x/week and I'm thinking about doing that. There is one near my house that I want to drop into on occasional weekend or work from home days in addition. I can pretty much guarantee I go on Tuesdays for the more experienced coach and that's when I'll lift heavier. If it doesn't work out, that's okay, I just kind of want somewhere to go and get back to it where I feel comfortable and don't have to shift my schedule too much (the class times and location are pretty ideal).

Looking forward to getting back to it!

January Crossfit Update

January sucked for my fitness. I knew it'd be tough. I still had to pay for my gym in Sacramento, which meant that I didn't want to immediately sign up for a gym down here. Plus, I was having some issues letting go of my previous gym.

I tried out two gyms down here and they both have their pros and cons. I still have several more to try out and choose from.

My ideal situation is to find a gym that is close to work or between work and home, has later classes (6:30-7ish is ideal), has one or two really good coaches who coach consistently (e.g. not changing coaches every day), has good programming, and is outside (lol there aren't any, my previous one is special).

Bonus points for good friends there like my last gym. But because everyone at my barn and everyone at work is so chatty, I don't really need my gym to be a place where I socialize anymore. I still so miss everyone in Sac though!

TC got his first turnout at the new barn and
made fast friends with this cute horse

CF-A

I went to this one first. Unfortunately it was a workout they use as a benchmark, it was 30 minutes long and had a ridiculous amount of movements/volume. So many that we couldn't warm them all up. No one Rx'd and no one finished. I wasn't super pleased with the workout itself, which made me wonder about the programming. My coach at my previous crossfit is big on efficiency in programming. There's no reason to have these long workouts that no one can do properly. The best workouts for what I want to do (just not breathe so heavily walking up stairs with all my groceries lol) include way more warm up, a strength session to work on form for these highly technical movements, a short workout (12-20 minutes) and then a culture that promotes active recovery (like people sticking around after class to roll out).

I know it's just one workout, but I also follow this box on social media and have seen more 30 minute workouts than my previous coach would have liked to see. I don't like doing movements in the workout that I haven't had proper time to warm up for and practice form on. I also... care so little about my cardio (only enough to eliminate heavy breathing up stairs) where those long cardio-heavy workouts aren't that fun. If I wanted a long cardio-heavy workout, I'd take up running.

BUT. The coach was really good. He called me out on everything my previous coach and my other favorite coach did, as well as adding new stuff. He's also a healthcare professional, so that is nice. AND he teaches most of the classes, I like having a main coach who I can work with primarily.

The box doesn't have great times for me (6:30pm is my ideal time), two classes a week are at 6:30 so I'd do those, then I'd have to take off from work a bit early one day a week to make a third class. That's totally fine though, my job is very flexible.


CF-B

I dropped in at this Crossfit almost two weeks later. I attended one class at my previous gym during those two weeks, but I tell ya, this month was rough, I think I went to the gym maybe five times. I used to go five times a week.

The workout was a strength workout, which the coach was worried I wouldn't like. I love strength workouts, in fact, one of my thoughts is to go join a power lifting/oly gym instead of doing CrossFit. It's cheaper and it'd guarantee me barbell work every day weee. But no cardio, and if no one makes me do cardio, I won't do it. And I fully admit that the strength is great, but that increasing my cardio has probably helped me the most.

The workout was great though. The warm up was very good, we went over how to do the movements (bulgarian split squat and very steep ring rows). The coach wanted us to roll out in between rounds and my previous coach was big on that too.

BUT. The coach was then watching me do my split squat, which I have only done once or twice on my own. I've always been told to ALWAYS hit parallel in all squats. There is no reason not to. The coach told me I was going too low. I said "I thought I was hitting parallel" and she said "you are, you don't have to go that low though" and I said that I had no problem going that low (there was only 45lbs on my back) and she said "well if it's easier to do that way, then do it that way" and it's like... well no it's not easier because I'm going lower but like... isn't hitting parallel better? Educate me, woman.

I texted my previous coach afterward and asked him and he asked me if she gave me any reason why not. I said no, and that I probably should have asked. But he said that the fact that she didn't give a reason was a red flag. So I dunno. They have a different coach every day (which is also a bummer, I like finding a coach or two I like and sticking to them) so I can always avoid her if I find her coaching to not be as good.

The location is perfect and at first glance, they seem to have a ton of 6:30 classes - four days a week! Buuuut one of those days is bodyweight cardio (yeah I can do that for free at home) and two of those days are intro classes. The coach said I could come to the intro classes and just load up the weight, but even when there's just a new person in the regular class, it means I don't get as much coaching. And that's totally fine! Help the person who needs help. But to basically guarantee myself sub-par coaching twice a week? No thanks, I can coach myself at a regular gym just as well.

What is his neck actually made of?

Gyms to look at this month include two in the city between mine and where work is and to look at the oly/power lifting gym that is far from my house but a) cheaper and b) has an amazing reputation. Update: I tried this gym and it's great but probably too much autonomy/not enough community for me, but I'm going to do it twice a week while I look for something that's a better fit since it's cheaper. The coach that is there twice a week is amazing, the others have been kinda meh. It's just not a place where you get a lot of coaching I think. Except that one coach!

I think there's one more near-ish to work that I can try too. There ARE some near my house, but it means leaving work at 5:15 to get to a 6:30 class (traffic, this is why I work late hours), which makes riding and doing Crossfit impossible to do on the same day. But if the perfect gym is around my house, I'll figure it out. I can do one or two longer work days to have one short one so I can go 3x/week.

December Crossfit Update

I'm really sad to say that this week was my last week at my Crossfit box, I am now boxless and will be trying to find one on the coast soon!

First, I wanted to go over this month.

Achievements
12/4/2018: PR - Clean (squat clean) 55lbs <-- I nearly cried, I've never been able to do one before, read below.
12/9/2018: First ever fireman's carries! I carried people who were about 135-140lbs
12/14/2018: PR - Box Squat 125lbs (I had a spotter last time I did this weight, this time no spot)
12/18/2018: PR - Dumbbell strict press 30lbs (so theoretically I have a 60lb barbell strict press???)

I took my very first break from CrossFit since starting in June after that. I decided it was just easier to use my winter break to stress out over my move and ride my horse rather than try to find a box around here to work out in (and add to my stress with finding the right coach and struggling in front of people I don't know). I go back to this box today through Friday and then I'm officially looking for a new box. Next week is all drop-ins everywhere and hopefully I'll find one that works!

Squats for days, these are old
pictures... 

Before then though, I want to just write a little bit about how life changing this particular box has been for me. This is the third box I've worked out in and it has been amazing.

The people are the most kind and supportive people. I know everyone says their box has the most kind and supportive people, but this one really was the first time where I made genuine friendships. I'd stay after class all the time to hang out, come early to chat, and a bunch of them now follow my instagram, which let's be honest, is mostly horses and they all put up with that well.

The coaching is fantastic. There is one coach in particular that I consider a big catalyst in the way that I think about health and fitness, and life in general. He is always learning and isn't afraid to change his mind on the programming/nutrition/life if he learns something new. Everything we do has a purpose and he has a great balance between being a highly technical coach while also being able to tell me to stop overthinking and start picking up weight.

His wife though, she is the one I have to give quite a lot of credit to. One day she was watching me back squat while everyone else was front squatting. Upon hearing that I'd been to four doctors without anything other than "quit lifting weights" to show for it, she grabbed my forearm and said "I can fix that." And you know what, she did.

My wrist is still messed up, don't get me wrong. But I did a workout with bar over burpees for the first time ever. I can do push-ups without my wrist hurting, and I can do a squat clean now... an actual squat clean.

Because of both of them, I am getting stronger, I am getting more confident, and I am seeing myself as an athlete for the first time ever.

No deadlift PR this month but I still love them

I know I won't ever have coaches like them again. I'm sure there are good coaches all over the place, don't get me wrong. I don't need to have the crossfit equivalent of the trainers I require for dressage or anything. But I've known enough people to know that these kinds of people don't grow on trees.

I'm really glad to have so many good excuses to visit the area though, and I plan on keeping them in my life even if it's less frequent than the 4-5x/week I've been seeing them.

November Crossfit Post

Because of the smoke this month, it was kind of a bad month for CrossFit. We had two weeks where we were stuck in the gym (we normally work out outside, which can be cold but is generally amazing), trying to fit our work outs in between everyone else. And then after the smoke cleared... I mean my lungs are still not feeling great. So knowing this, I made sure to basically take it easy this month.

These haven't changed

Neither have these, really

I had also been a little tiny bit discouraged that everyone seemed to be hitting these big PRs, but I had a talk with myself about it and I feel better. First, I am way lanky and not at all purpose bred for weight lifting. Second, my nutrition does need work and it's something I struggle with due to my past, it's really hard for me to hit my macros and to even get enough calories every day. The last half of this month it's been ROUGH.

Third, this is not my main sport and so I can't take risks in the same way I could if it didn't matter if I got hurt, I know I could probably get a heavier deadlift but I don't want to risk my back and I know I could probably clean more but I don't want to risk my back. Fourth, everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, I can out-plank everyone at the gym and find rope climbs and hand stands really easy and usually don't fatigue as quickly during workouts. Fifth, I want this to be a lifelong sport, so I can't just go every single day really hard and either destroy my body or destroy my motivation, so it's not a bad thing if I just hang out for a month or two without going for any maxes.

That being said, I did still hit some PRs at the beginning of the month.

Achievements in November
11/2/2018 - PR: 125lb Box Squat (needed the tiniest bit of help getting out of the hole)
11/5/2018 - PR: 60lb Power Snatch
11/6/2018 - PR: 65lb Bench Press (3 reps)
11/6/2018 - PR: 155lb Deadlift

In addition, I'm very comfortable now getting to the very top of the rope. I am figuring out double unders, and though I haven't been able to get more than my previous max (I think 5 or 6), I have been able to get that number way more consistently.

This month (December) is sadly my last month at this Crossfit, I'll be posting something really sappy in my next post I'm sure. But I'm prepared to operate at about 80% at my new place for a month or two, so these posts may get boring. I'm looking forward to seeing what my new coaches can help me with, and I will definitely be heading up here frequently to see my amazing coach up here. I will really miss these wonderful people.

October CrossFit Update

Another month another CrossFit post for everyone to sit through. Sorry! If you do CrossFit though, please consider joining Jen and I in our BTWB squad. I actually don't know how to use it but I like seeing what Jen does and aspiring to lift like she does one day.

I didn't think I'd get a lot of PRs this month but I WAS WRONG. Most of them were deadlift PRs though.

October Achievements:

10/1/2018: PR - Deadlift 125lbs
10/8/2018: PR - Deadlift 140lbs
10/9/2018: Reached the top of the rope in a rope climb!
10/16/2018: PR - Split Jerk 90lbs
10/17/2018: PR - Back Squat 115lbs (sumo)
10/23/2018: PR - Snatch 55lbs
10/28/2018: PR - Deadlift 145lbs (this was in sumo stance with the axle bar, which is really thick so harder to grip)
10/30/2018: PR - Deadlift 150lbs (regular bar regular stance, it was super easy)

I was so excited to add 25lbs to my deadlift in a month. That's insane!

So I do a power lifting class on Friday nights that has been really helping my back squat and deadlift. We do a lot of percentage work and speed work so I've been getting way more comfortable with those lifts. My coach is also having us use a sumo stance now, which takes a lot of the pressure off of my ankles, which have some questionable mobility.

This month I started to feel really strong and fit. The workouts aren't at all daunting anymore. Even the day that my coach had us do 400m of walking lunges. Sure I complained during it and was really sore, but I didn't for one second think that I couldn't do it.

Yay split jerk!

It doesn't recognize the sumo squat as a back squat, which kind
of sucks because I mostly sumo squat these days... 

We have a new person who started who I have been paired with a lot in power lifting. Even though I've been going for a while now and am WAY stronger than I have ever been, I am still one of the weaker ones at the gym. So I tend to be in the bottom group in power lifting. That's okay and I know that if I just keep plugging away, I'll slowly move up. Also some of these people be crazy with how heavy they can lift.

But I got to talking to this new person while we were doing deadlifts one day. She said she felt like she could do the weight but was nervous because her knee kept collapsing and she'd had a previous injury there years ago. I told her that I was in the same boat with my confidence for the first few months. Very vividly I can remember having 75lbs on my back for a back squat and needing my coach to spot me not because of a lack of physical strength but because of a lack of mental strength. My warm up for back squats is now more than that.

So I reassured her that she could fucking DO this and then as she started, I reminded her about her knees and she did it and was smiling the whole time! She then said thanks for telling her that I also had confidence problems when I started.

150lb deadlift!

I still go 4-5x per week and am still loving it. I don't feel bad taking a day off or two though. There was a whole week where I felt like I was just kind of off and in response to that, my coach and I talked about the importance of taking lighter days/weeks at times even if I am at the workout. Don't push hard all the time. It makes it less fun, and it makes it more likely you'll get injured.

It got me thinking in the long term. Let's say my long term goal is to hit a 200lb deadlift, which it totally is. If I lift as heavy as I possibly can every time deadlifts are the skill or in the workout, I'd be way more likely to hurt myself.. then need to rehab... then need to build strength again.. and then I'm further away from that goal than if I had just taken it a bit slower.

And that made me think of TC. With his butt soreness a couple weeks ago, he told me that he needed to take things a bit slower. It's hard because he's so willing, and often won't tell me that something was too much until he's sore the next day. But there's no harm in taking it a little slower with the collected work. Put in the reps at 50-80% rather than going for 1RM collection all the time. And then he'll be happier in his work and when I do ask for that 1RM collection, he'll be fucking on it.

Me too, pony, me too!

Life lessons, I'm learning them!

Fixing My Wrist

This isn't horse related, well not directly anyway.

I've had wrist problems for a long time now. It's mostly my right wrist, though my left wrist is all messed up too, just less so.

I first noticed it during finals week a long long time ago when it started hurting during a course where I had to write like a whole bunch of essays into one of those blue books.

These pictures have nothing to do with my wrist, I just still
have a bunch from this one ride

Then I really noticed it when I started Crossfit. It hurts to basically bend backward. There are a lot of things I have to do at Crossfit that requires bending it backward, like anything involving a front rack (so cleans, front squats, any shoulder to overhead lifts, etc) and push ups and hand stands and burpees and even some of our warm up movements like bear crawls or these weird monkey things my coach likes.

When I did Crossfit before, I just powered through the pain, modifying when I absolutely needed to. Eventually my wrist got so bad that I had shooting pain from the injury down my arm. It started hurting all the time. I talked to my coaches and started to modify more and more, but the pain was bad enough where I eventually quit.

When I got my first job out of grad school and had health insurance, I went to the doctor. They said to rest and gave me a bunch of pain meds.  Then I went to another doctor who said we could inject the tendon but that would make it weaker (wtf). The third doctor was the most blunt and simply told me to quit Crossfit. She said that it was my wrist conformation and that I'd never be comfortable bending it back. I asked about surgery, nope. Cool. So I just quit permanently and vowed to fix it later on, force them to give me an MRI or something. But that's expensive.

I haven't been able to use the soloshot recently because it has
been really windy and my tripod is a bit wobbly already

As you know, I started Crossfit in June this year. All that rest did do it some good, my injury is back to where it was before I started Crossfit in the first place. My coaches have been great at allowing me to modify absolutely everything I have to. I haven't attempted anything from front rack other than just some cleans that I immediately get off my shoulder.

Fast forward to one day, I'm doing back squats while everyone is doing front squats, which is normal for me. My coach's wife, who is a massage therapist (both of them are) asks why I'm not doing front squats. Because, I tell her, my wrist is injured. She grabs my forearm, stabs her thumbs into it, says "damn girl" and tells me she can fix it.

What.

Okay no but what.

Three doctors have told me there is nothing to do, that I'm just like this.

His tail remains insane

I scheduled a 15 minute injury-specific massage a week later. My forearm was extremely tight and so she worked on that while we chatted (er, I tried to chat, it was incredibly painful). I mentioned I rode horses. She said she knew why my forearm was so tight, it was because pretty much every day for the last 30 years, I hold my hand in a fist for at least an hour. Asked if I also worked an office job. Yep.

After that, I had more mobility and less pain than I've ever had in that wrist. I was surprised. The next day I did some front rack work and it was way less painful than before. Then over the next five days (with lots of bruising, I unfortunately now frequently look like I have a rough home life) it kind of slowly got back to normal.

I've now gone in three times, with another one scheduled for tonight. It's getting better! Honestly, I don't even need full range of motion, I just need to keep the wrist not pissed off during cleans. I'm already doing low to mid-volume push ups and burpees without pain!

I find it so funny that the doctor told me to stop doing Crossfit, but to continue riding... which is actually the root cause. Either way, I'm so glad to have found this place, these people, and to hopefully be working toward being pain free soon!

Just a Few Things

Things have been going well the last week and a half since our last lesson. We've been plugging away at Second level and are signed up for 2-1 and 2-2 this weekend at a schooling show. Hopefully that goes well!

A few random things have happened that don't warrant full posts. I figured I'd just list them here!

Grabbed some video of our new canter!

Canter to Walk Transitions

We had a great breakthrough with these. Basically, if I feel like I'm having to work to get the transition to be smooth, the quality of the canter isn't there. When he's really well collected and sitting down properly, the transitions are easy. That's a very "no duh" breakthrough, but feeling that they can be so so good when the canter is good has made me very determined to have that quality of a canter all the time. So we're working on that!


The First Rain

We had a very brief rainstorm on Tuesday morning and TC and I were caught in it. I had gotten on and we were going to just ride in the misty rain when it just kind of opened up on us. TC flipped out and I was sore from CrossFit the night before so I just figured I'd long line instead. TC was nuts on the long lines so he got worked a lot harder than I thought.

This horse remains the fucking worst about rain. It's like he's never seen rain before EVERY SINGLE TIME.

My right side is so weak gah

Deadlift Progress

I posted on Tuesday that I was hopeful that I'd get my body weight deadlift soon and I got it on Monday night! I was so excited. We were doing a 5x3 at 80% of 1RM but I'd been putting in so much effort at 50-80% of my previous 1RM (calculated at 129lbs) that I wanted to at least hit body weight (125lbs) for this. As I was warming up, I told myself I could jump to 125 to hit the PR. If I could do it for 3 reps, I could keep it for the workout. And I could! So I did! And that's how I ended up doing a 5x3 at bodyweight. New 1RM calculation says it's 137 :)

And then I weighed myself on Tuesday and I now weigh in at 130, which is good because it means that I've gained quite a lot of muscle in the last few months, but it's bad because now I'm not at body weight yet!! Next time. I'm sure I can do 130 easily.


Winter Musings

I'm thinking about doing another light winter for TC. He's been bucking quite big recently and I'm not a fan of riding him in the cold/dark/rain when he's being insane. It may be a good idea to do more ground work/basics this winter and then bring him back in March for the late-April shows. On the other hand, I feel like if we put in a solid winter of work, we'll be guaranteeing that we could get to, if not finish Third level by next fall. And that'd be pretty cool. So I figure we'll play it by ear. If he starts scaring me or being an idiot about weather, he's getting some time to chill.

I'm also throwing around the idea of switching barns for the winter. I love having him at my house but the reality is, the footing in the indoor gets chewed up by people longeing in there. There's really no other weather-proof area for people to longe so having people not do it isn't an option. If I want to keep him going, moving him to the dressage barn (about a 20 minute drive though) may be the better option. I don't know how to approach my landlord/barn owner though :( if we're just taking it easy, I can just choose to ride him on days where I can ride outside.

He's so beefy

Looking Ahead

Next year, CDS/Regional Championships is in northern CA again. It switches back and forth between being in LA (this year, it just happened last weekend) and being in my backyard at Rancho Murieta.

I don't think TC is ready to do championships. It's a lot of atmosphere for him. Plus, we'd be doing it at Second level, since I doubt I can get him ready to be scoring in the 70s at Third. I think that our plan will be to do another two years just qualifying for All Breeds and wait until 2021 to try for Championships. By then we'll be at Fourth, if we're thinking one level per year, or maybe even ready to do it at Prix St George. I don't know. But I think TC at 10 (wow) will be able to handle the atmosphere better than TC at 8.

BUT I am not ruling it out. It costs an extra $10 per 2-3 to get qualified, and we need to do five of them. That's fifty dollars (and really, the cost is going to be coming from all the shows we'll have to do to get five 2-3 tests in), so I think I might put in for it anyway.

The right lead is definitely harder (and it was getting dark)

Regardless, I'm really excited for TC's progress this year. I can't believe that we're showing at Second level this weekend! Even if it's just a schooling show...

September Crossfit Update

Today is the day where everyone but Jen ignores my blog! Hi Jen! I'm super excited to update you on my CrossFit stuff.

I'm still going about 4x, sometimes 5 per week. Most of them (3-4x/week) are Crossfit classes, though some of them (1-2x/week) are special programming for strength done by one of my coaches. They're never timed and it's a lot more of working on technique than zipping through WODs, they're also hour and a half long classes, which makes them exhausting in a different way.

Yay back squat, and I've yet to get my DL to actually over body weight, but that 5x5 was at 115lbs

I haven't gotten over 85lbs on my clean but it's nice to know
that btwb thinks I could do it!

This is my third full month going that frequently and I feel like the noob gains (lol) are slowing down. A lot of my PRs from July and August were due to me just being nervous in the beginning. Now I feel confident (but not stupid confident, I'm still careful) and I'm really able to see how far I can go.

We didn't do a ton of maxes this month, we do a ton of 60-80% of 1RM work, which is great for strength training but not fun to post about. Some of it was also that I was conveniently gone for a lot of the strength WODs (we do mostly cardio on Tues/Thur and I always seem to be gone Mondays) so I ended up doing more cardio than I wanted to. No cardio is my ideal workout plan. The programming can be a bit off too... we had one workout that I did in 3:15, which is ridiculous. I mean I sprinted and probably went too light, but that's a short fucking workout okay.

September Achievements
9/5/2018: PR - Back Squat - 100lbs (this meant so much to me omg)
9/5/2018: PR - Snatch (full) - 45lbs (I'm putting this here even though it's light because this is so damn technical)
9/11/2018: PR - OHS - 65lbs
9/23/2018: Sled Push/Pull - 155lbs

The best day!

I wanted to talk for a second about my coaches. I have several of them, but two really stand out.

One is a CrossFit Games judge, I don't see him much but when I do, it's awesome. It's like being taught by Lilo Fore or someone equivalent. He has a lot of really good strategies for workouts and he's clearly a natural teacher. He is the one who taught me to rope climb, which apparently a lot of women struggle with. Even a few of my coaches can't do it. He also taught me a better technique for double unders.

Lifting with him is great, he breaks things down like crazy. My other coaches are good, but this one has breakdowns for every lift, elements you can practice on their own to improve your form. It reminds me a lot of horse training actually.

He's also very low key, like I get frustrated with things sometimes and he just reminds me to keep working at it. His big thing is to just plug away, just put in the time. He says all we have is time. No emotion about it, just do it.

This was where I hit my max, then couldn't go any more, eek

My other coach is great too! He is our main coach I'd say, at least at the times I go. During the CrossFit classes, he's great about adding extra stuff in, like having us practice double unders or hand stands between sets of lifts. His big focus is on mobility and movement, so we do a lot of really weird/difficult movements for warm up that I have a love-hate relationship with.

With the lifting, he's awesome. He has been a lot more about taking what I've already developed and having me make minor changes to it. More big picture, vs first coach is more breaking down the steps. He's really good at explaining to me how I need to operate around the bar vs what I need to do to the bar, if that makes any sense. He fixed the way I was cleaning the bar, he just told me "keep it closer to your body" and it all changed for me.

He's also really great with the mental aspect of it. He is the one who is always telling me to turn my brain off, that I'm stronger than I think I am. He called me out early on whenever I would say "this is hard," he said "what are you here for, Megan?" and I stopped saying how hard it was. That alone changed my mentality. He told me early this month that he's seen a huge uptick in my confidence. I have too, it's great!

I'm super excited for the next month!

Train Like a Grand Prix Rider

I had an epiphany a few weeks ago at the gym that really made me think about my riding and especially my teaching differently.

But first: a story. When I was younger, I feel like I always held myself back from putting everything I could into something. I slacked off in school and when I got bad grades, I could tell myself that it was due to me slacking off, not to me being inherently stupid. I didn't work as hard at my riding, so when I failed a rating or didn't place in a show or didn't get the score I wanted, I could say that I just didn't have time to ride or didn't have a nice enough horse or whatever.

When I went to get my HA rating, a lot of people knew I was going for it. And I wanted it so badly. And I had dropped out of school so I was bored intellectually. I poured my heart into studying for it. I studied 10+ hours a day for weeks and months leading up to it (I was just starting to work full time in my business so I wasn't quite at 40 hours a week). And... I got it. I finally started to let myself be a bit more vulnerable, to pour myself into things where I might fail.

This guy makes dreams come true

And I've been really lucky in that everything I've set out to do with my riding career has mostly happened. I have a good reinforcement history with myself. Work hard, you get your A rating. Work hard, you train your horse to Grand Prix and get your Gold. Work hard, your rambunctious young horse calms down and wins all the things.

It kind of snowballs. Earning that HA rating in 2009 gave me the confidence to go get my A rating in 2010 and my Silver medal. Those gave me even more confidence to go attempt my Gold in 2011 on Leo, which gave me a ton of confidence knowing that I was not the limiting factor in being a Grand Prix rider. Getting my Gold on Rico made me double down on my belief in myself and while I had moments of feeling inadequate with TC, this year's show season has brought back my firm belief that if I work hard, great things will happen.

Future dream maker

In Crossfit though, not so much. I mean, I do work hard. I work really hard. But years and years of riding doesn't lend itself to weightlifting and I find myself in the place where a lot of riders find themselves: in a state of mild self sabotage.

I don't think of myself as a strong person. I'm lanky, spent a lot of my youth underweight, and have previous injuries. I know that if I trust my coaches, work hard, and push myself, I will become strong. I know that logically. But I don't feel like I fully embrace it. It seems almost as if it's a small part of my identity to be a bit weak and unfit.

It mostly comes out in my lifts. I overthink things and get nervous when I go for PRs. Early on, I was back squatting 75lbs for the first time since I restarted. I stood there basically freaking out and the things running through my head were like "this is too heavy" and "you're going to fail this lift, so remember how to push it off your back" as I was starting my descent. Sure enough, I failed it. My coach came over and spotted me and I did get it.

But it was frustrating. I knew that the lift failed because of what I had been saying to myself.

I kept going back though. My coach started to realize what was going on. STOP OVERTHINKING THIS MEGAN he'd yell at me when I stood there getting ready for a lift. It happened in all of them. I'd sit there thinking "I've not yet put this much weight overhead/picked this much weight up/etc" and "what if I get hurt doing this?" and "what if I fail?" and it's just ridiculous.

Man he is a cool horse

About a month ago, we were doing 1-1-1 (climbing at 80%, 85%, 90% of 1RM) back squats. I was not planning on PRing, I had just PR'd a few weeks ago and I had been very nervous then. I told myself whatever, just have a good time and don't push for a PR.

I started at 75lbs, then 85lbs. I realized I hadn't grabbed 2.5s to get to 90lbs so I just put the 5s back on for 95lbs without even thinking about it. I cleared my mind and just fucking did it. And it was easy. Like way easy. Like I wish I had grabbed those 2.5s so I could get to 100lbs that day (I did it easily a week later).

I told my coach that I had PR'd and he gave me a high five. I said that I wasn't nervous that time, it was my first PR I hadn't freaked out about going into. And he said that's because I've been coming every day for a while now. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trusting myself more.

I realized that being in my head was a form of self sabotage, of self fulfilling prophecy. I see myself as someone who is not physically strong, and even now I feel weird posting about CrossFit stuff on the blog because I'm at such a low level.

Future gold medalist, just didn't know it yet

So after having that epiphany at the gym, I went to my riding and I asked myself. In what ways are my thoughts perhaps sabotaging the progress I'm making with TC. Are there any moments where I am low key holding myself or him back.

And there totally are! They aren't as pronounced, since again I have such a good reinforcement history, but they are there. I wonder if his breeding will hold him back from the collection, I worry about his hocks, about his suspensory. Lots of little things I can mostly turn off.

But it made me think about my riders. What are they telling themselves that may be detrimental. Do they treat themselves and their horses like future Third level, Prix St George, or Grand Prix competitors, or do they classify themselves as lower level riders on lower level horses?

Even just a small truth, such as me feeling like I am not a strong person or that TC is not good enough, can snowball into self sabotage/self-fulfilling prophecy. And from now on, I'm going to be more aware of the thoughts that run through my head both in Crossfit and in riding.