Sounder and Saner

So I rode yesterday morning, and I already talked about that ride. But I also went back out last night to do more hand walking. Because who has time for a social life or going to the gym (still can't though because I'm still sick) or sitting at home relaxing?

Smiling angrily because he's hungry

I figured it'd be helpful for a diagnostic point of view. As we're all hoping, the horse is young, big moving, big body-wise, and lives in a stall with a small paddock 24/7, so having a stifle weakness would make sense. It would get worse in the winter, when it's cold and he doesn't move around much, and it would get better when he gets out more.

It's still in the back of my mind that it could be an injury though. Even though the vet doesn't think so. So I'm thinking that doing light work this month is a good idea all around, treat it like a rehab and do lots of walking with minimal work that could aggravate his suspensory or the possible stifle injury. But do enough so that a stifle weakness won't get work. It's a balancing act.

My schedule won't let me go out twice a day (I work an hour away from the barn/home but mostly fuck going to the barn twice a day), but I figured this would be good information, so off I went back to the barn.

At work I worked looked up a lot of information on strengthening stifles and also read some of your comments, which were super helpful in creatively trying to work around the limitations we have here (no turnout, no trails, no hills). One of the things that stood out to me is doing poles, specifically backing up over poles. And another thing was doing walk trot transitions in hand. I could use the jogging too.

So much fucking walking

I pulled TC out and put on his boots, but didn't tack him up with the chambon. We then went into the covered ring and did a bunch of ground work. He bolted twice, but generally was super into what we were doing. And biting me. He thinks that's hilarious.

We did some shallow leg yields, rein backs, walking over poles (there were two poles in the arena already), backing over poles, and even some trotting in hand.

When I was trotting him, he looked sounder than he had been that morning. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Could it be that getting out every 12 hours instead of every 24 had made a difference? Not sure. Because I've primarily felt his lameness rather than seen it, I couldn't be sure that this was better. Maybe he doesn't look as lame (will be getting video this weekend) as he feels.

So dumb

Now, if this was Rico, I would have tied up the lead rope to make reins, and hopped on sans helmet and sans back brace and kicked him around the arena trying to sit his trot. But I'm not stupid. I went to get the bridle and my helmet/back brace. But ugh I was wearing work clothes and mud boots rather than riding boots, and it was like 8:00 so tacking up would delay me by quite a bit.... Whatever, I'd just grab mane and jump off if he bolted.

I hopped on him bareback and we walked around a bit. He's okay with being ridden bareback, though I've only done it a few times. He's not very wide, but he's comfortable. The only thing uncomfortable is when his head goes straight up and you're suddenly sitting on a 2x4 that's about to explode into a million splinters.

I asked for trot and he turned his head back to try to bite my leg like wtf man, you have no saddle, we are not trotting. It took a lot of convincing to get him trotting. He tried to pick up the canter instead, he ran sideways a bit, and he shook his head a lot at me. But eventually we trotted. And actually his trot wasn't too bad to ride bareback! We trotted one circle and he WAS sounder than he had been that morning. Success!

Pony rides are okay but please don't trot me

This morning I headed out to the barn to ride before work. One boss was gone, the other one with two coworkers was in an all-day meeting. I figured that before I asked to switch to riding in the mornings, I should find out if I actually like riding in the mornings. I do. So I'm talking to them on Monday (Mondays I can't ride in the mornings because I have a 9am meeting).

We hand walked all over the facility. It was actually REALLY nice. TC was super quiet after being ridden every 12 hours the last three rides. He was actually so quiet I thought that he might be in intense pain or be sick. He marched happily and quietly all over the ranch before I got into the covered arena. We did one lap in each direction and then I got on to walk.

And he was super quiet with me on him too. I worked a bit on my position. I'm focusing on getting back on the back edge of my seat bones, as lots of conversations this weekend made me realize that I basically sit on the horse like I'm trying to sit on a pin cushion. With the new position, I felt like my stirrups were way too short, so I'll be messing with that soon enough.

Upset because he wants me to put him back

I asked him to trot and..... he was sound! Still feeling a little clunky here and there, especially when we lose power steering, but it definitely felt more like he was weak on the left hind than lame on the left hind. Trainer came in to see him trotting and said that he looked better than he'd seen him in a long time. He was sound and also relaxed and stretching into the bridle. We didn't do anything fun, but just trotting along and looking at ourselves in the mirror (since sometimes me shifting weight to look over there causes him to bolt) and hot damn my horse can be so pretty sometimes.

I was ecstatic. Not only was he totally quiet and fun to ride, he was sound! Sanity AND soundness in the same ride??? What is this nonsense?!

I had to hold myself back from skipping work and riding him all day. We did maybe 3 laps around the whole arena in each direction and then called it a day. He felt SO good in the bridle, a bit hesitant to fully let go and relax, but not at all nutty about anything.

Immediately I talked to him about getting TC on a schedule where the guys hand walk him on the weekdays. We can't quite do every 12 hours, since no one wants to stay late to walk my horse at 7:30pm, and the guys won't be doing the walking over poles/backing over poles/trotting in hand that I did last night, but it's better than him standing in his stall for 23 hours before I get on and expect him to be sound. Eventually that will transition into him getting turnout or him just being in a bigger paddock. But for now I'm not paying for turnout when it's not going to happen much when it rains and there are no big paddocks open.

He looks so little here! He's just narrow

I'm also dumping him onto an expensive joint supplement for a month to see if that helps things too. My mom reminded me (when I called her to get all upset about TC being unsound) that when I first got Rico, he was uneven behind and we put him on Hylasport and he didn't have that issue again until he was much much older. His right hind was just weak. I can't afford Hylasport ($80/month no thanks because I'm already paying like $60 for his calming supplement), so TC is getting put on a Smartpak supplement that has similar ingredients.

I'm sure this isn't the end of our issues with this stifle. And this is classic suspensory behavior, where he'll be sound for a bit and lame for a bit. So I'm absolutely not celebrating yet. But it's really good news that we had a great day of soundness and sanity. And I'm really hoping that we have more and more of those days until that's our norm.

Gimps McGee

Tuesday I didn't ride the pony because I can't ride on Tuesday nights unless I'm taking a dressage lesson with my dressage trainer. And after all these fucking vet bills, that's probably at least a year or seven away. So trainer rode TC and said he was sound and sane. With Monday night being his last day of bute, I was thinking that it still may be in his system. And I was right.

Wants breakfast

Wednesday I got into work early and got to the barn earlier than normal, but still after dark. I tacked TC up with the chambon and then hand walked him around the property and in the arena for about 20 minutes. Then I got on and we did another 20 minutes or so of walking undersaddle. I was pleased that he is handling being walked so much, and the walk is feeling better and better. He's stretching out and down a lot easier and is like his normal self in the connection for the most part.

Trainer and I talked about how it isn't quite solidified yet though. Like he's willing to do it but it's not where he wants to be and given a choice (or when something makes him nervous), he pops his neck up and back at me. So more stretching and walking and stretching and walking.

Trotting, TC wasn't sound. He wasn't lame necessarily, but not very even. I hate riding a horse who feels lame. But he isn't even lame. Like if he was 15 years old and had been in hard work most of his life, it'd be fine. He's sounder than my friend's fourth level horse I ride sometimes who can come out a little stuck/stiff too. But like, my horse is five.

So we trotted a couple laps and I tried hard to get him to step better into the left rein and tapped his left hind to get its shit together. Then we took another long walk break and trotted again.

The second trot WAS better. Definitely sounder but still not completely even. He felt pretty good over his back, though was noticeably more tense just because of the owls making noise. He stayed with me. So at least we had sane even if we didn't have sound.

After the ride, I hand walked him again for 10-15 minutes before putting him back.

So much walking omg

Today I had a dentist appointment in the morning, so I opted to ride TC beforehand. It felt weird to plan on going into work around noon and then leave at 4:30 to go ride. And man, I love the mornings! It's so light out (by the time I was riding)! TC disagreed. He had a, for lack of a better word, tantrum about working before breakfast. Hey man, I didn't have breakfast either.

After positively wrestling tack on him, I put the chambon on and we walked around in the rain while the arena was getting dragged. Once as the ring was free, we walked around in there too. I think we did a total of 25 minutes of hand walking, which is less than usual, but I was on a time crunch.

When we got into the arena, TC saw a big white bird sitting in the field next door. He was SUPER offended by it, despite it literally not moving a muscle the entire time we walked/rode. Every time we walked past it in hand, he'd bolt and drag me across the arena. Ugh. Okay.

I started talking to him, mostly rude things at first, but it seemed to help him stay with me. Whenever he was good, I'd sort of sarcastically praise him "look at how good you're being, only jigging when you could be galloping away from me" and he started to relax a bit more. Horse loves praise.

Morning rides in the DAYLIGHT

I hopped on him and he felt like a bouncing ball. Despite getting him stretching down and out in hand, he was NOT doing that with me on his back. He spent most of his time at the walk flipping his neck around, striking out, and jigging (then threatening to rear if I didn't let him jig oh my god). I ended up hopping off after he exploded in bronc bucks so that I could get him walking forward again, then I got back on. That helped a lot. I praised him for the difference. Good boy TC, walking is nice, jigging is not, please don't buck me off, I have to go to the dentist after this.

Again the praise got him to focus and relax better, and soon we actually had a really nice walk! I think I'm going to constantly tell this horse how great he is. Or how terrible he is. As long as it's in a nice voice and I pet him a lot, he'll take it.

wants cookies

Trainer came in to teach another lesson so I trotted TC for him. I personally felt like TC was much sounder than he had been the day before, but trainer said it was about the same. Maybe I'm just getting used to the unevenness. We again cut the ride quite short, maybe 2 minutes of trotting at the most, and then I hopped off and hand walked him.

I was proud of myself for dealing with his bullshit by myself and for staying relaxed even when he felt like he was about to explode. I'm trying this new thing called NOT EXPECTING THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO and it's helping a lot. He might have a horrific stifle injury, but then he'll be retired, so I may as well enjoy every day that I get with him before I have to send him away. Just taking it one day at a time, slowly trying to build up that stifle.

Trying to rehab my horse from a suspensory like...

I'm stuck because I can't afford to get the vet out AGAIN this month, so he's going to do a lot of walking, a bit of trotting, and an unknown amount of bolting, until next month and then we'll see. If we get too far down the line and he's still NQR, we'll try a blister or something to get the stifles feeling even better. And to make me feel better immediately, I'm going to email my vet and get some more information from him (since remember, wizard vet didn't see him, other-wizard-vet-who-in-my-opinion-isn't-as-good-but-he's-still-pretty-good saw him).

This stifle thing is driving me nuts, I just want a sound, mostly sane horse who I can stop spending so much money on and actually enjoy riding.

Loves the Vet

Yesterday I was too freaked out to post anything, I had posts ready to go and then I just pulled everything. Last year when TC went lame I posted immediately, I wanted to know what you all thought and to include you in my slowly increasing panic until the vet came out.

This time when he went lame, I went rapidly through the stages of grief until I got to INSANITY, and then I stayed there all by myself. That's a stage of grief, right?

Change that first bit to "Life with Horses"
to make it more accurate

Let's start from the beginning.

Monday: TC and I have a lesson with trainer, detailed in this blog post, aptly named The Beginning of Collection (since this one could be named The Delaying of Collection).

Tuesday: I took a lesson on another horse with my dressage trainer, then longed TC on a big circle in his normal chambon + side rein combo. He bolted two or three times and I found that putting him on a 10-15m circle (just one or two) in shoulder-in was a great way to get his focus.

Wednesday: I threw my horse at my trainer to ride so that I could go to the gym and not ride my crazy baby horse in the dark for a week! Trainer reported that TC was good, he rode him mostly on super light contact, trying to get him to reach out, and he also worked on the collection in the canter.

Thursday: TC came out fine, we wandered around the ranch a bit and then worked at the walk. He picked up the trot and felt okay, but a bit stiff. Then I realized that the inconsistent connection was consistently inconsistent where he was head bobbing on the right front leg. The one with the suspensory. FUCK. I got off. I longed him and.... fucking nothing. He maybe looked a touuuuch stuck on his left hind but zero head bobbing. So I walked him for a LONG time, lots of shallow haunches-in and shoulder-in, some leg yields, really focusing on getting him loser on the left side of his back and butt. Trotted him out, let him canter a bit, and he was fine. I still kept the ride light.

Friday- you can always tell when TC has been in
a trailer, ugh

Going places!

Friday: I had this whole post written and then deleted it. I took TC over to the ranch for some fun and experience in a different place. He was SUPER GOOD there! I even cantered him undersaddle! By myself! In a new place (well, he's been there but it was the first time going to the arena)! But not before having to longe him down a bit, I used the shoulder-in on the circle technique quite a bit to the left because some people were walking with their family and TC has never seen humans before so he was quite upset. Never took an off step though.

Saturday: It was supposed to rain so I asked for a lesson with trainer. We did a ton of walk work to start and then... TC is lame again, head bobbing on the right front and stepping short on the left hind. Trainer palpates his butt and says that he's probably just really sore from the hard work on Friday (and Wednesday?). I convinced myself it was his suspensory though. Gave him some bute, surpass, and threw wraps on him.

Sunday: Get to the barn in the morning and TC had eaten his wraps off of his legs and peed on one of them. Okay. Butt still super sore, bute, surpass on the suspensory, and no wraps.

Monday: I decided I was too crazy to deal with this with the ol' wait-and-see. If he was lame, I was calling the vet. Trotted him on the longe line. He was lame. Frantically emailed the vet. Spent the next six hours searching for hind end lameness that also includes front end lameness that also includes sore butts. Stifle injury. FUCK. I (equine) Web-MD-ed myself into a panic and barely slept.

Tuesday morning: got an email from my vet saying he was out of town but that his lesser (IMO since I'm picky) yet still highly qualified (esp in lameness stuff) vet was around. Okay fine. Got a call from the vet confirming at 1pm. I was sick anyway so barely made it through my first meeting and then got in the car. Sat at the bagel shop drinking a weird boba smoothie thing that was way way too sweet for honeydew but was still good and ate half a bagel (for dinner I had the other half and some ice cream... good life choices all around!).

Yum, wraps

Ugh

So now the vet check itself. By this point, not only am I convinced that TC has a career ending stifle injury, I've already made plans to find a good home for him, give 30 days notice, cancel his smartpaks, cancel the clinic this weekend (well, that's for sure out anyway), etc. I was wavering strongly back and forth between sobbing and numbness.

The vet palpated him all over. The vet tech held him and tried to have a nice conversation with me:

VT: how long have you had him?
Me: a bit over a year
My brain: and you won't have him for much longer
Me: *gets choked up*
VT: he's so cute, how old is he?
Me: five
My brain: and already had two severe injuries, you're a great horse owner
Me: *holding back tears*
VT: what breed is he? He looks super fancy
Me: he's a friesian... *sniff* friesian oldenburg
My brain: and you'll never be able to afford one like him again because no one will ever sell you another horse
VT: wow that's so cool
My brain: she knows you break horses all the time and she hates you for it

Hi mom I just want you to know how much I love the vet

I happily handed the horse off to her and sat off to the side sort of ignoring the whole process. I'm lucky that my mom is nosy helpful, since she had come by to yet another vet appointment. She kept an eye on things and asked the vet what he saw.

Loaded him up with a bit of dorm after he wouldn't trot with the nice vet tech and instead tried to bite her to get her to play with him. Lame on the left hind and right front. Because they often compensate, it wasn't clear if it was a) the suspensory acting up so then he overloaded his left hind and hurt it or b) hurt his left hind and overloaded his suspensory, making that get sore.

We went to longe TC to see if it got worse on a circle (it did), but TC, who had been off since Saturday was NOT having it. I watched him leap across the ground, spin toward the handler, and rear up about half way. All I could think was damn, he's so elegant.

More dorm.

Horse quietly trotted around in the circle. I ask the vet whether I can get some dorm. He thought I meant for riding the horse. I mean yeah both of us could probably use dorm on a regular basis.

At the vet check

After all that, I had a couple of choices. Do we block the suspensory or do we assume it's the suspensory? I know his suspensory is a bit fucked up, sure. But I also know that it was totally fine a month ago at the last ultrasound and that he's honestly not had such hard work since then to suggest a reinjury (plus it wasn't swollen, just a bit sore when palpating it, which honestly, if you palpated the ligament damage in my back, it'd hurt but it doesn't hurt when you don't poke it). So by blocking the suspensory, we could find out whether the lameness behind was compensatory (so he'd get all better with the block) or something else.

I had no idea what to hope for. He was still lame. So it was something in his hind leg.

The next step could have been to block up the hind leg. But the vet was fairly certain that it was either a weakness in his stifle (but not an injury because he palpated normally) or that he was chiropractically out in his SI joint. I'm not the hugest believer in chiro for horses, but let me tell you that I am super super lame when my SI joint is fucked up.

Either way, the prognosis was the same at least at first: chiro/acupuncture and then ease him back into work and lay off the collection for a while. Then if it comes back, we treat the stifle with an injection or blistering. Vet is fairly certain that my extremely unofficial, driven-by-insanity diagnosis of a stifle injury isn't the case. Phew.

TC's first experience with acupuncture was ridiculous,
he's settled here, but his face when they put the needles
in at first was hysterical 

Apparently it's relatively normal for a big young horse to have trouble with their stifles as they grow up? Much of the information I found on stifles was from injuries in older horses where they slipped or fell. That plus me getting sick and being pumped full of cortisol already made me jump some huuuuge boundaries to get to all of my terrible conclusions.

It's not over yet. Well, we can hope that he just comes back totally normal and good. But it's not good news per say (honestly though the only news that could have been good news is them telling me that I've won a million dollars and that my horse is now a cyborg and won't ever go lame again), it's just not terrible terrible news.

So we wait. We wait five days of hand walking and then we start trot work. A week later my trainer leaves for a month. And by leaves I mean tries to leave and then gets locked in the trunk of my car and made to stay.

We'll see. Right now I'm just trying to stay positive and ease the cortisol (and mucus, ugh, I'm home sick) out of my system.

The Actual Last Ultrasound (Though Probably Not)

Surprise! On Friday, TC got a recheck ultrasound. I dunno why I didn't share this, I just felt like I was jinxing it for some reason (I swear I'm a researcher/data analyst and do not believe in stuff like that, but let's be honest, horses cause all rational thought and good judgement to escape from my brain).

At his last ultrasound (side note, he looks SO SKINNY in those pictures, it's only been three months and he's positively exploded with muscle), my vet had not thought that this ultrasound would be necessary. If you remember, he said that if TC was sound in full work after three months of undersaddle rehab (so October 7th), TC was then cleared to be turned out and trail ridden. He said we would only do another ultrasound if I wanted to jump him, which I do not.

But I'm the sort of person who would rather pay for an ultrasound now than pay for surgery on his leg if I turn him out before he's ready (um aren't we all that sort of person?), I emailed my vet and asked him a bunch of questions (when can I turn him out? when can he live in a larger paddock? when can I let him walk up and down hills?), and he also agreed that another ultrasound would give us the answers.

Look at this happy horse! He's uh still working on his six pack

Luckily my vet was able to come down to my barn on Friday morning. I couldn't be there since I can't take too many days off (I already have to take one for my brother's wedding and one for my thesis defense, which is in just over a WEEK and I'm freaking out, prepare for some hastily written posts), but I sent along a million questions and got a report back.

The vet had TC trot in a straight line on hard ground, circles both directions on hard ground, and then he had him longed in the round pen. TC was perfectly sound in all places! That alone was a relief. Sometimes TC feels lame on that leg for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost, he feels lame because I AM CRAZY and make it up in my head. He also doesn't like to use his left hind as much as his right so it throws him into the right rein, which he then nods on and off of when he isn't through.

After that, they set up for the ultrasound. And it went GREAT! Like way way way better than expected.

Most of turnout is going to be him scrounging for food

Let's revisit the two issues we had been facing since I know there are some new people catching up and also I forgot:

1) TC's initial injury was that he fell in his paddock because he was climbing. He yanked the suspensory ligament out of the origin site on the medial side. He took some bone with it and by the fourth ultrasound (last time), it was pretty much as healed as my vet thought it would be. It still looked a bit rough but it was hard and doing well.

2) TC's suspensory was threatening to adhere itself to the splint bone. By the last ultrasound, it was staying about the same. It was there, it was organized, but the suspensory didn't show any issue with having it tug on it (our biggest fear- that the adherence would yank at the suspensory, causing the suspensory to swell, and there is almost no room for it to swell, so bad things).

Rolling is the best!

I'm happy to report that TC's bone is fully healed! Like better than we expected! It looks normal and the insertion point is totally strong and perfect again. I'm STOKED for this.

I'm HAPPIER to report that not only does it look like TC's suspensory isn't being bothered by the adherence, the adherence is becoming less organized! I got excited thinking that it was disintegrating, but I think he means that it's just not tight. We need it to remain looser than the suspensory so that they don't tug on each other. But my vet says that if this is full work for TC (it is), then we should be good to go with that adherence.

The happiest horse

What does this mean? TURNOUT. TC has been cleared for turnout in the 24x24 paddocks! I'm going to go get some no climb after this storm and have the guys put it up, meaning that TC will get an assigned turnout that only he goes in. I'm very nervous that they will put him in the wrong turnout, so I'm thinking about how to make that guaranteed.

TC has also been cleared to jump. Uh. Okay. I don't know if I'll feel comfortable jumping him until at least next year. But it's good to know that the vet thinks that his leg will hold up to jumping. I mean it should given how much he's been bucking lately.

I'm also allowed to trot and canter on hard ground and go on trail rides without too many hills. He can climb small hills, but we have some pretty steep trails around here so he can't go on those. I don't think we'll be trail riding until at least next year just because of the weather. And the stronger he is, the better, so the longer I hold out from trail rides and jumping, the better.

In spring, TC can have a large paddock to live in. I'm really excited for this. My vet said that if it was coming into summer now, he'd be good to go in one of those, but that he's worried about it being muddy/slick and TC slipping. This way I'll have the next year to get him really strong so that when/if he does play in his paddock, he's strong enough to do so. Now that it's storming, I'm getting a good look at how the paddocks hold up so I'll have a good idea which one I want!

He's such a weird looking horse

So that's that! Fingers crossed things continue to go well with this injury, but I'm really glad to have another look at the suspensory now that he's in what I consider full work. I might do another one in spring before I put him in the large paddock or maybe in the summer before we start passage training, but we'll see. For now, I'm just glad my horse is sound!

Or was, on Friday. Since yesterday I came out to find all four legs super puffy. He was sound and it went down with riding, so I think it was just from standing inside while it rained. He was totally dry and it had been raining all night and all day. His water is outside so I hung him a bucket inside and now I'm hoping he's not colicking.

Horses are fun!

Coming Home

Today is the day that TC comes home. I can't believe I just wrote those words. I'm beyond excited to have him back with me but I know that the battle has not been won just yet. We have more rehabilitation to do and a long road ahead to full recovery, but I'm so happy to be taking this next step. I get to go see my horse every day now.

Big shout out to everyone who stuck with this blog in the last six months, it's been so incredibly boring I just can't stand it. Hopefully it will get more interesting as I can finally write about my favorite little baby horse. It's going to be tough to not write about EVERY ride since I've basically been writing a post any time my butt got near a horse.

This was taken on the worst day 

Just to reflect on all that we've been through, here is a short recap:

December 7th- Initial injury, in the blog post I mention a swelling on his right suspensory area but it seems so small and insignificant, it had been raining so much that I thought (and literally everyone I talked to, including my farrier) it was an abscess
December 11th- TC was totally sound, farrier had poked around and said that the abscess probably released inside and it would show up in a few weeks as it grew out
December 14th- I rode TC and he came up lame again, more soaking ensued and I started to wonder
December 15th- TC shows up with a weird swelling on his leg and is super lame again
December 16th- Initial vet visit with initial ultrasound (not with my vet), the vet finds that his suspensory has been torn in two places and I freak out a lot
December 17th- TC moves to my parents' ranch for rehab
December 18th- TC jumps out of his paddock at the ranch and is shunned to a box stall
December 21st- TC gets his first ultrasound with my vet, who deems it not as bad as we initially thought, but still a fairly serious injury
December 23rd- TC leaves for rehabilitation at the best place I can find in the area
January 28th- TC starts the aquapacer and is immediately an asshole about it
February 8th- TC starts swimming rather than doing the aquapacer
February 23rd- TC gets his second ultrasound after 60 days of rehab
April 15th- I get to watch TC swim for the first time!
April 26th- TC gets his third ultrasound (120 days of rehab) and my vet wants him to stay at rehab for another 60 days, but he gets to trot on the eurociser!
June 10th- I get to watch TC swim for the second time!
June 18th- I visit TC for the last time
June 28th- TC gets his fourth ultrasound (180 days of rehab)
July 6th- TC COMES HOME, THAT'S TODAY


Looking back at December, obviously I feel a lot of regret, frustration, pain, etc. I've gone through times where I've convinced myself that had I not tried to ride after that one initial day that he came up NQR, I would have not had to wait all these months because TC wouldn't have been hurt so badly.

And yah, I feel like that sometimes because it's probably true. I've really let myself have it. But thinking that way is not good for anyone. It doesn't stop what happened from happening. I can't go back in time. All I can do is my best, and I feel like, given the information I had at the time, I gave it my all. I sacrificed a lot the last six months to keep TC at that rehab center. And I'm sacrificing a lot now as I've turned down two jobs that won't work with the location that I want TC to be in because of the facility/trainers I need him to be with. He will continue to get the best of the best care and I will sacrifice whatever it takes to keep him going.

One day, a long time from now, I will see this view again and it
will be marvelous

I can't make myself feel bad for a couple days where I lacked the foresight to call the vet when he was showing every sign of an abscess and no signs of the severe injury lurking inside his leg. I can't make myself feel bad for how long it took or how far away he was or even go down the rabbit hole of why did I take that horrible job in the first place and move him out of his comfortable pasture to a place with no trainer. No, stop. Yah it sucks. It's been over six months since I've had my horse home with me, but all I want to focus on now is the future.

I'm so excited for TC to come home.
I'm so excited to be at the barn I want to be at.
I'm so excited to work with the trainers that I know and love again.
I'm so excited for TC to be in training this month.

And I'm so excited to ride TC, finally. Tomorrow. Unless he bucks BRH trainer off, then maybe not. 

The Last Ultrasound

Yesterday was TC's fourth and last ultrasound, at least for now, in this terrible series of events. Yes, LAST ULTRASOUND for at least 90 days depending on his soundness blah blah blah. But LAST ULTRASOUND was all I heard.

Hi mom, I would talk to you but you forgot
carrots and there's a fan moving slowly

If you remember from our third (and second) ultrasound, the main issues we were facing were twofold.

First, the horse had yanked the suspensory out of the origin site enough where he took some bone with him. To fix this, after the second ultrasound, TC was put on a supplement by Platinum Performance called Osteon, as well as given an Osphos injection. Both are used to increase bone density and we hoped that it would help this site. At the third ultrasound, not much had changed. It wasn't getting worse but it wasn't getting better necessarily.

Second, the suspensory had tried to adhere itself to the splint bone. This was our biggest fear initially, since when this happens, IF the adherence is tighter than the suspensory itself, then as the suspensory stretches, it will become irritated. This puts us in chronic suspensory land and effectively ends TC's riding career unless I wanted to do surgery. I felt wishy washy about the surgery, but at the second and third ultrasounds, my vet felt like this wasn't going to be as much of an issue. But we weren't sure how it would react to trotting. This ultrasound is to look at how both of those issues responded to more work.

Still kind of derpy, but much fitter

Now TC is trotting 15 minutes and has been sound as far as the people at the rehab center could tell. He is only trotted on soft ground in the eurociser so it's not like minor lamenesses are obvious. The goal at this last ultrasound was for it to be the last ultrasound, for him to be given the okay to start undersaddle work, and more importantly, to come home. A lot was riding on this ultrasound.

Because of the heat, I got up early and rode a horse, then taught a lesson before the ultrasound. I shouldn't do this. Much like the last three ultrasounds where I worked from home and then went to see him, I basically was worthless at doing my job. Luckily teaching and riding come more naturally, so both horse and rider didn't get shafted. I just couldn't tell you what they worked on. My brain was just like "pleaselethimbeokay INSIDE LEG PUSH HIM OVER pleaselethimbesound OUTSIDE REIN MORE CONNECTION pleaselethimcomehome THAT CIRCLE HAS CANCER FIX IT NOW pleaselethimbeokay."

Around 10:15 I was finally on the road to the vet office. I had put my lesson earlier than necessary since every time I'm on time, they're early. And last time I got to hang out with TC in the stall beforehand, which made me happy.

He was a little sassy on the longe line

Interested in everything but staying quiet

This time I beat them there. It ended up not being too bad because I got to see TC come off the trailer. I expected him to be kind of explosive coming off- he was not. He arrived with another horse. I expected him to be attached to that horse and scream for the horse when it left- he was fine. A horse had been put down so was covered with a tarp right near the stalls. I expected him to be spooky and nervous about that horse- he was not.

He was so quiet and relaxed. I led him to the stall and he just sort of hung out. No screaming, no pacing, no throwing himself around. Just so chill about everything. I was much less chill. I'm normally the chill one!

When they went to longe him, he just quietly trotted around. Sometimes he would shake his head, but nothing like the explosions from last time. Nope, just quiet baby horse with a couple moments of head shaking. What? Craziness.

He was completely sound- both fetlocks dropping really well. I did get a nice lecture from the vet, and I now have a farrier. Rico's farrier. Because TC needs shoes with plastic pads (pads in the summer only). He basically isn't growing any heel and his coffin bones are RIGHT next to the ground. I'd rather lose the one and a half lessons a month in farrier fees than not be able to sell the horse in the future because he has no feet. Yay for expensive shoes, ugh.

Dude 

The ultrasound was really good too! Even though TC has been in a LOT more work than he was, his leg is still improving!

The bone issues are completely resolved. No more Osteon (phew, so expensive) and no additional Osphos injection needed (phew, SO expensive).  The ultrasound did show what my vet called a "hidden splint," which means that his cannon bone has a bump on it under the suspensory. It's smooth and doesn't get in the way, but it just means that there is less room in there for the suspensory to swell if it gets irritated. I don't mind that, because if it does get irritated, I want to know!

The adherence is still there, though it's very small (one square centimeter or so) and doesn't seem to be bothering him at all. My vet says that if the adherence is loose enough where it never yanks at the suspensory, it won't cause problems. If it does yank at the suspensory, we need to catch it soon and do surgery to remove the splint bone and clean the adherence up.  Of the horses who had this same problem, only the jumpers have needed surgery because they land on their feet a lot harder off of the big jumps than the prancy dressage horses. Dressage horses really don't get as much wear and tear on the front legs, although both of my dumb horses having ST injuries in front hardly proves that.

Can I ride it yet?

Starting to get sleepy

So we aren't out of the woods on that adherence yet. We have 90 days to have TC in full work undersaddle and then if he's sound and okay by then, my vet says that it'd be very unlikely that we would need surgery after that. So on October 6th, we're officially back.

The best news out of all of this was that TC does get to come home!!! One week from today I'll have the baby horse back in my life full time, and I am so excited about that! But still very nervous about the 90 days. I'm trying to take an it-is-what-it-is approach and just enjoy him and whatever happens happens.

Obviously hearing that he could come home made me ask lots of questions, here is a bullet point list about what information I got:

• TC can canter! My vet wants him in a very collected canter to keep him off his forehand,. Upon hearing this, I laughed at him. The horse has no collected canter, he has no working canter, we have a frantic run sort of thing? So I am going to push his cantering out a few weeks so I can work on the collected trot first.  
• TC is okay to go into his paddock, my vet said to keep an eye on him and put him in a box stall if he gets silly. I think he'll be quieter to ride if he's out so hopefully he stays quiet in the stall and paddock. 
• No turnout until after the 90 day waiting period.
• No trail riding at all until after the 90 day waiting period.
• No real trail riding (hills) until next year, and always be careful about walking downhill.
• No jumping until next year, but small cavallettis to get him picking up his feet are fine after the 90 days. 
• Keep him fit so he doesn't get tired and drop his fetlock. 
• Put him in Sports Medicine Boots and tack on a piece of plastic over his suspensory. This means I can return the boots I got from Dover (glad I didn't put him in them). I'm not sure how to make a strike guard, but I will figure it out. 

I also asked about the future. My concern is that he will not be okay to do the extended trot or the passage, since both of those are hard on the tendons. It was something that made me so nervous with Rico. But my vet said that by the time he's ready training-wise to do those things, his leg should be totally fine. Like, it's literally just these 90 days and then I can consider him completely healed and okay to do anything. He said maybe not jumping 4' or galloping on the hills, but I knew he wasn't going to be an event horse at the vet check because of his feet anyway.

So yay! Grand Prix is still tentatively in his future, though obviously unlikely for other reasons. At least (hopefully) his physical health won't be what keeps us from that level. It's likely going to be his natural talent, his rider's lack of natural talent, and logistics that keep us from the level :) which I'm totally fine with.

I don't care if he bucks me off if I can feel this trot first

I'm cautiously excited. I won't feel capable of relaxing until the beginning of October, if at all, and I'm already diverting money into an account for his surgery and am prepared to send him back to rehab this winter (the fact that I'm doing this should tell you how fucking quiet the horse is being because there was a time where he was nutty enough for me to have not chosen to do the surgery). BUT I'm trying to just focus on being excited about riding him while preparing myself financially for the worst. It can't hurt because I mean if he doesn't need surgery, I can buy a saddle I will have a bigger emergency fund. I'm also going to insure him, but the insurance very likely won't cover the surgery.

One more week to wait and then I get to have that baby horse home and attack the hell out of his mane and pathetic feathers. Oh, and RIDE him. And now, making a shopping list for my tack locker, I called my dad and he has an amazing idea to get it working for me! So excited to have my pony back!!

A Date and a List

Yesterday I touched base with the people at the rehab center and we made a date for TC's last ultrasound and a date for when TC comes home (pending ultrasound). So on June 28th, TC will get his last ultrasound and on July 6th, TC will (hopefully) come home!

I can't wait to ride this fucking horse I just can't STAND IT

This works out really well, even if it was a week later than I had hoped. I figure the later the better, even if I'm eager to get him home. He's safe where he is, and having him come after the Fourth makes my weekend a lot less stressful (my brother having a big house party = enough stress already, no need to add the pony to that) and lets me use the first few days of the month to move stuff into the barn and get settled before there's an obnoxious pony in the way.

I have a LOT to do before he moves in though, so I have a list:

Boarding
I need to email the barn owner about his boarding situation. The barn is sort of an a la carte barn, so I think I'm going to sign up for one load of shavings a week (one big wheelbarrowful, it's not a ton but it's enough for him) and double feed to start (so four flakes vs the two that they feed) with half grass and half alfalfa, to be moved to 3 grass and 1 alfalfa if he's too buzzy or to 2 grass and 1 alfalfa if he gets fat. He won't get turnout because he's not been given permission for that yet, but BRH trainer will be getting him out every day so that's good. He also won't get the hot walker since I don't think I'm going to trust him on it with the baby TBs.

I know what stall I want, or at least what wing of the barn I want. I want him in a 12x36 stall/paddock combo in this one area where he won't be tempted to jump out. I also need to buy no climb and some wire to make him what will hopefully prevent him from doing the same fucking thing again. If he does manage to climb, I'm going to give them permission to put him in a box stall without my direct permission. Just move him. No climbing.


Tack Room
I don't know where my tack will go. It's kind of a random little place, there are some random tack lockers throughout the property or you can bring your own little locker/shed/trunk/whatever. If there's an open tack room/locker near his stall that I like (unlikely), then I want it, but it's most likely that I'll have to buy my own. It needs to be weatherproof-ish and big enough to hold a saddle rack (hopefully two so one can have pads on it), two big garbage cans for feed, and have some shelving/hooks in it. At first I'll just be bringing my trunk over, which will stay permanently as extra storage, and maybe stealing this one random shed thing from the ranch that is kind of falling apart just to keep my saddle and a freestanding saddle rack in.

Even his shitty canter, I can't wait

Training
I need to talk to BRH trainer, although we sort of already made plans. The idea is to hand him over to the trainer for 30 days, although I'm feeling really bold and strong recently so I'm hoping to be doing mostly lessons and less rides. No offense to BRH trainer, but I want to quickly reestablish the connection and get him thinking about dressage from the get go. BRH trainer is a great dressage rider but um, you know. Regardless of how bold I'm feeling, I want full training, five days a week of lessons or rides. I'd rather be frustrated because I'd rather be riding on my own than be frustrated because my horse bucked me off again. BRH trainer will for sure be the first one on him in the round pen when he comes home, although I really want to ride him on the first day he gets ridden, even if it's just me being led around at the walk.


Feed
I need to buy him his grain (LMF Gentle Balance and Rice Bran, although I'm going to pull him off the Rice Bran and find something else to put him on) and make sure that I have enough of all of his supplements. I really really hope my local feed store has the LMF food, since it's right on the way to the barn. If not then I'll have to get creative about where to pick up grain, maybe on the way home from work. He'll stay on his MSM, the Osteon, and the SmartCalm until it runs out. If the SmartCalm is working, he'll stay on it, but he's for sure coming off the Osteon whenever we get permission from my vet, it's too expensive. After he gets settled, I'll put him on a hoof supplement, but I'm letting myself ignore that for now.

I can just TASTE the connection... wait that's weird

Saddle Fit
At a recent horse show, I found out that my old decrepit Custom saddle can have its tree changed out and be fit to TC! So one of the things that I need to do now that I have a date is to call them and schedule that fitting. I want to schedule it as soon as possible so that I don't have to ride in an illfitting saddle for too long, but I also don't want to be terrified as I try to ride the horse during the fitting. Obviously BRH trainer will be there, so I'll have to schedule it on a day that he's around so I'll have to confirm with him when that will be.


Farrier
I totally don't have someone to trim him yet. Woops. Hopefully he'll get a trim close enough to when he moves where I'll have a bit of time to find one. I can use Rico's shoer, but she isn't a barefoot person. Also I'm kind of a psycho client and don't want to ruin my mom's relationship with her (she shoes all their horses) if it doesn't work out, I like what she does to Rico's feet but I was spoiled by a barefoot trimmer at TC's old barn and want to find someone similar to that person. So I'm looking to find someone else who does barefoot feet. I'm going to ask the BO and BRH trainer who they recommend, as well as a couple friends there who are just as obsessive as I am.

Probably my favorite picture of us, hence it being my facebook
profile picture since September, I'm lazy

I'm so excited guys. SO EXCITED. It's been over six months since I sat on the horse, and it will be about seven when he finally comes back. Seven months is a long time and a lot of things have changed in that time, but what hasn't changed is that I'm SO FUCKING EXCITED to ride my horse. I'm so glad this rehab is almost over. Can't wait to feel that gorgeous trot and that amazing connection. And hopefully I don't come off too many times this summer as he gets back into the swing of things.

Using His Brain

I headed out to see TC on Friday morning fairly early so that I could get up to the Western States Horse Expo to meet my parents and approve of a saddle for Rico. I was glad that I got to see him, as I wasn't sure if I'd make it, since it was a lot little out of my way.

Look at that hippo!

I asked if I could come out (something I always do out of courtesy but they're nice about basically always saying yes) and I was told that I could see TC swim again!!I've seen TC swim once before and he just loves it. I'm so glad that it worked out after the fiasco that was trying to keep TC in the aquapacer.

When I got there, I had about twenty minutes to stuff him full of carrots before the guys came to get him for the pool. Once again, I forgot his brushes, ugh, but I didn't have a ton of time anyway. I made him do his tricks and told him that he was almost done with living in the box with no friends and no fun except his swimming and trotting for what I think is probably now longer than ten minutes.

Resting a foot, whaaat?

Someone came to get him and I followed. TC was MUCH better than last time. Before they swim the horses, they hose them down because it's less of a shock to their system getting in the pool and it prevents so much dust from getting into the pool.

Last time I was there, he spooked pretty big walking over there, and then stood ready to GTFO if something went wrong while they hosed him down. This time, he quietly walked over there, stood quietly tied, and even COCKED A FOOT while they were getting him ready. He spooked once and didn't even hit anything before stopping.

Let me tell you why that is relevant- he's a flighty little thing and almost always needs something to get in his way before he gets his brain back after spooking. This could be a human yanking on his face, a fence in his way, or pulling back and hitting the end of the lead rope. But this spook, nothing got in his way to make him stop. He spooked like he always does, but then stopped spooking without smashing into the fence, getting smacked by the guy working with him (they don't smack him but I would), or pulling back and hitting the end of the rope. He just used his brain.

Getting ready to go swim, can't wait to get ahold
of that upside down neck

Ugh his hair

Swimming was great! He was much quieter about the whole thing, just going in, doing his job, and quietly coming out. A lot of the time the horses come out amped and shoot out of the pool (TC did last time), but TC just quietly walked out. He even stayed quiet when a horse in the eurociser he was being lead by was leaping and biting the fence trying to get it to go faster than an amble. I genuinely wondered if he was sick for a few minutes.

TC got in his eurociser and seemed more relaxed about it too. He was still up against the front of it and I saw him bite it a few times because it wasn't going fast enough. Nothing like the cute little quarter horse type who was walking juuuust forward enough to not get his butt smacked by it. But it wasn't as frantic, he wasn't waiting back and then cantering forward and shaking his head to catch up, he wasn't as smashed against the front as he was last time.

Does this mean the magnesium is working? Or is he just getting used to everything? Or the trotting is calming him down? Or he was particularly bad the first time I saw him and particularly good this time? I don't know and I don't care. I just took it that this one day was a good day and I can't wait to get my pony home.

He even lets them hose his feet (and pick them
from both sides)

I headed out before he came off the eurociser. Not before heading to his stall and stacking the rest of his carrots against the wall where he had dismantled his feeder. I wish I could have stayed for him to come off the eurociser so I could have hung out with him more, but like I said Friday, I'm going to see him every day for a long long time (hopefully), so making myself miss him a bit just makes me feel more positive about him coming home.

After a lot of traffic, I completed my 4+ hours of driving that day (well, thirty minutes more waited me that night) and arrived at Horse Expo.

Resting a foot again!

After swimming, going in the eurociser

The first day of expo was only a half day because of TC. I wasn't really planning on going on Friday but my parents were going and we're still shopping for a saddle for my mom to use on Rico. I'm the picky one with the saddle fit, so I went to help them find something.

We went through each booth but I rejected a lot of saddles. Rico is fit now, which is good for him, but if we get something that is custom fit to him now, it won't fit him when I'm not riding him. I suggested a treeless saddle, but my mom said they were hideous. I'm also skeptical about them so that was fine.

We landed at this one place, with weird looking endurance saddles (only 13lbs!). They had trees built for gaited horses, so they were better suited to Rico's back, but then under the tree rather than having regular panels, there were foam panels that could be removed by velcro. They had little inserts you could put wherever the horse lacked muscle to change the fit of it. My mom loved the way it felt to sit in, so we wrote everything down and made tentative plans to haul Rico up closer to the lady so that she could fit him and teach me how to change it for later when he isn't as fit! I'm excited since TC will soon take Rico's saddle (and it will have to be changed to fit him), and I actually didn't hate this saddle. Not going to be easy to do dressage in, but it certainly beats riding him bareback on the trails.

Obviously we got a whinny, he's got to be loud
and obnoxious no matter what

The bulk of Expo will be covered in tomorrow's post, because on Saturday, after epic pony sleepover round two, I went with Peony and L!

Four More Visits?!

A very good thing happened yesterday. I sat and worked on my thesis all day and made massive headway, which felt great! A bad thing also happened yesterday in that I kept myself off blogger not remembering that I hadn't finished/scheduled this post! Oh well, not like very much interesting really happens in my life.

So cute!

On Friday I somehow managed to shove a visit to TC (five hours round trip) into my schedule by getting up early to ride a client's horse, then heading over there, then zipping across the bay to ride another horse and teach lessons. Worth it, I love my baby horse.

Once on the road, I realized that I had forgotten his brushes. Oh well. I still stopped to get him carrots and an apple for us to share.

I can't wait to get a hold of that mane

On Thursday I had tortured Rico and Riot with bombproofing using an umbrella and a tarp. Rico surprised me by being nervous about the umbrella at first, but eventually was fine with it. He was totally fine with the tarp except that he didn't like it dragging on the ground. I felt a million times better about TC that day, because TC let me drag it behind him and next to him no problem, and Rico snorted and skittered sideways away from it.

I brought the umbrella with me to TC because I have a death wish to see how he'd respond to it. Honestly, he handled it better than I expected after what Rico thought of it. I'm glad I worked with Rico on Thursday since he is a horse I'd consider to be as bombproof as they get, but he was nervous about it, so it let me lower my expectations quite a bit for TC.

Extremely tolerant 

Riot took longer to feel okay about the umbrella

Wrapped him up like a present!

The nice thing about bombproofing TC in the stall is that he can't get away from it and has to wrap his little brain around what is happening to him without escaping (that makes me sound like a horrible person, oh well). The bad thing is that obviously this might not translate to when he's in the arena and something spooks him since he can get away. But I'm operating under the hopeful assumption that anything will help him.

He was not bad about the umbrella when it was stationary- open or closed. But when it changed from closed to open or from open to closed, scary! He didn't calm down as quickly as Rico did, and never let me open it anywhere close to him, but he only slammed himself against the wall once.

So cute

The owners came to talk to me real quick and asked me to please not die on their property when they saw the umbrella. I get the feeling that they think he's kind of insane. I don't blame them after having to deal with him at the start of his rehab, I mean that's why he's there! I don't know how much he's trotting, but I think he was at 5 minutes each direction with a walk break in between.

I had ordered supplements from Smartpak- just more MSM and I'm switching him from the Mag 5000 to SmartCalm. He needs two scoops of the Mag 5000 so it's cheaper to do one scoop of the SmartCalm. The SmartCalm also has other stuff in it that might help as well. I fully acknowledge that putting him on a calming supplement is more for my mental health than his, hence trying to be cost effective about it. After this I might try Quiessence if the SmartCalm doesn't seem to help.

I think I'll be switching to smartpaks eventually too, I'm going to have the guys feed him his grain every day when he comes home so that he always gets it. I'm lucky that he doesn't need water added, so I figured I'd just put everything in a bag and they can just dump a bag into his grain bucket. But smartpaks mean that I don't have to obsess over how much grain is set up. We'll see, I want to go through most of his supplements first of course.

He's so awkward, but I think once as he gets some more muscle
on him, maybe his head will look a bit smaller...

We're so close to being done with this rehab shit! I kept trying to tell him that. After riding this weekend at my new barn (that's what happens when rumors go around that a) you're coming back to the barn and b) you're currently semi-part-not-quite-employed), I'm getting excited to bring him back. I love my barn, I love the people there, and I can't wait to be there every day!

It was so fun to ride there. I got to ride in a full size dressage court- first time in a VERY long time, actually possibly the first time since I was in it on TC back in November. I need some practice riding in it again... and I got to ride with mirrors! I can count on one hand the number of times I've used mirrors in the last year and a half. I love riding with mirrors, and I didn't look as awful as I thought I was going to.

I think TC and I are going to have a fun summer there! Hopefully four more visits until TC COMES HOME. WHAT? I can't believe I can say that.