Straightness and Connection

Over the weekend, I had really good rides on TC! 

I rode in the arena on Friday and Monday, and then Saturday we did a trail ride at home and on Sunday he had the day off since I had a prior obligation that kept me away from the barn. 

Requires cookies

Does not require hugs, rider wanted a hug though

My ride right after our trail ride last week (I think Tuesday?) wasn't the best. I think he was tired and just a little above where he needed to be, not really lifting through his shoulders. But he also only had the one day off in between. I did more face pulling than I had been doing and I ended up cutting the ride a little short. We did a trail ride at home on Wednesday and that was great, then he had Thursday off. 

Friday I came out and ended up riding in the middle of the day. After sleeping VERY well for two weeks, I told people I was sleeping well AND I got my hopes up that after eight years of insomnia, I'd finally fixed it; so naturally, I haven't been able to sleep a lick since.

It was a bit hot, so TC and I struggled a little through the warm up. I'm still not quite sure how to approach the warm up with him. I tend to get a little frustrated that he starts out slow (not balky, but like, could you have an ounce more power in any of your gaits) and I'm sure he's frustrated that I want to skip the warm up and jump right into doing work when he's now fifteen years old and has some joint stuff. 

Lots of ranch work this weekend, pastures got
mowed!

And trails got widened/worked on!

I've tried employing what I did with Rico years ago, which is to canter first. But this horse is not a canter horse, if we do that, his canter just feels lethargic and gross. So we trot first, doing big circles and some easy transitions. Then we canter and it's absolutely fine. And then finally when we come back to trot, he seems happy to work. 

Again, acknowledging that being happy to work hasn't really been him at any point of his rides the last few years, so it's great that we can get there!

I can't quite remember exactly what we worked on that day, but most of my work these days are on:

1. Remembering that I know how to ride horses

2. Shoulder-in

3. Counter canter loops

4. Walk to canter

And now reading that back, it sounds like we're schooling Second level. We are not! I just find that these exercises are really good for us. 

Oh hello counter canter!?

Shoulder-in, which we also did on Monday, has been super helpful for getting him to find more stability in his body and finding the diagonal connection from the inside hind leg over his body to the outside rein. Tracking left, he feels pretty good, but tracking right, he really struggles. He wants to come a little above the outside rein and twist his neck. 

Counter canter loops, and on Monday, 20m half circles in counter canter, have been great for the straightness and the connection. He again gets kinda twisty in his body and my enthusiasm for pulling on the left rein means that we go careening sideways in canter sometimes. 

And finally, the walk to canter transition is something he's long been good at and enjoys, but he likes to jump to the outside of the line during the transition, AND it's obvious to me when he does it AND I'm a better canter rider than trot. So I figure that I can help him find straightness in the transition and that this will help us find straightness in the canter in general. 

So a friend told me that putting a fake
dragonfly on your horse keeps flies
away and I think it's so funny (and I 
kind of think it works?)

And he's just happy?

The remembering how to ride horses thing keeps happening. I haven't had that many lessons since 2020, and even then I was mostly riding alone. Which is FINE I was a professional. Now I am not, I'm deep in amateurdom after years of not really riding. I'm also not nearly as fit as I was before and am super out of practice. 

On Friday, I remember going along thinking, wow, he's kinda down in his shoulder, bummer. And then a circle or two later I was like OH, what if I... asked him not to be. And I put my leg on and kinda bumped him up under himself and he said yes! And then it all went so so much better. 

Then on Monday, and if my Pivo hadn't been such an asshole, I'd have a hilarious video, because I was trotting and kind of lamenting about how unstable I felt in the trot, like he kept falling out in this one place and I was just letting him do it and reacting to it rather than preventing it. And I think I said out loud right near the camera "oh my god I could use my abs for this" and again the ride went much better. 

Remember how you have abs?

So much reach with his hind end now

Luckily I find this just hilarious. I'm truly enjoying experiencing both sides of the coin. I put so much pressure on myself to ride well and learn as much as I could and be USDF Gold Medalist Megan. And now I get to be an amateur, and I'm learning SO much about myself and about horses and about dressage from this other side. Maybe I should write down what the differences feel like. 

Anyway, what it means is that I can remain in really good spirits about the whole thing. When I forget how to ride horses it just cracks me up, like people used to pay me to do this and now I'm like oh woops, why is my hand over there? How long has it been like that? Have I always done that?

Truly I'm having the time of my life no matter what is going on with my riding. 

Achieving Our Goals

TC and I continue to have just the best rides. It warmed up a bit this last week and even though TC got a little quiet in the heat, he still came out ready to work. Even if he insists on me dragging him into the arena each time. 

I set up my Pivo a couple of times because I'm really struggling to figure out what he looks like vs what he feels like. That's always been the case with him - he'll feel really connected and he's actually super short in the neck, or he'll feel off the bit but he's actually pleasantly in front of the vertical. 

The happy ears are the best part!

Still has a ridiculous tail

The first video I took led me to shorten the reins quite a bit in the second video and actually put the horse together. I think I mentioned it a little bit ago, I kind of forget how to ride right now. Between being super out of shape, kind of primed to think that anything he does is fine as long as it's not balking, and not having many lessons in the past six years, I'm a bit of a mess. 

But there was something about the second ride where I just... remembered what the actual hell I was supposed to do. 

I think it was the canter. I've always been a much better canter rider than trot rider and because his balking happened so much going into canter, I didn't get a lot of time riding the canter poorly, because we just weren't doing it. 

Because of that, when I put him into canter and he slowed a little, I bumped him with his leg and he went. And after that, I was like cool, I can put my mechanic into him then, and that's what we did. 

He seemed to be really happy about it! I think he's figuring out that he can actually canter again, and I'm sure that me putting my mechanic into him helped him find his balance and straightness a bit more. 

Excuse me? I had no idea what to do with this

This was more the balance we were in, which is
also great and more appropriate for his fitness level

The lateral work is a bit tough for us right now, I know we need to deal with that, but I've decided that it'll be Kate's problem. So rather than work too much at it, I decided to do something I was good at, which was to put him on quarterline in a bit of a shoulder-fore and do some walk to canter transitions.

He's quite crooked in canter like a lot of them are and this is one of the exercises that I think helped the most. He's pretty motivated to do a walk to canter for some reason (I think he thinks they are fun and very special) and will find his way into canter even if I'm blocking a lot of the directions he'd rather go. So all that is left over is to canter in a straight line. 

And damn, it worked so well! He really sat down and was able to strike off into a much better quality canter. 

I'm so impressed with him

Don't worry, I got a new phone so the screenshot
quality is about to get much better

The day after we did these canter transitions, I decided to do the same thing in the walk to trot transition, which was much harder for him. But he still tried SO hard at them and we got some really good moments of him picking up trot from a bit of a shoulder-fore!

I negotiated with him and let him school over some poles in between, so that kept him happy I think. He did keep trying to guess at what we were doing, so I had to keep telling him he was wrong, which he doesn't love. But he could take even thirty seconds to consider what I am asking him to do... 

I can actually half halt him now

He feels so good!

Again I'm so tickled that we have something real to work on!! 

I remember having a conversation with Kate about my goals with TC. Like I can't expect him to come back to work as if nothing happened, zip back up the levels, take him out at Fourth level and then move him to the PSG. He is fifteen years old this year and I'm also not really in a place where I can or even want to focus on climbing the levels again. 

I do love riding his canter

I came up with these goals:

1. I want to be able to ride him and actually work on things, not just fight with him about being forward

2. I want to keep him fit enough to feed more and go on trail rides/do fun things (like obstacle clinics)

3. I want him to look nice while I ride him so I can take video and not be like ew why does he look like that

And I think I have achieved all of those things! We'll see how things go through this summer because that's always a tough time for us. But I never would have thought that we'd get this far even during the time of year where things are easy for us. Onward and upward!

Closing in on the Answer - The Saddle

Alright, I kind of went over briefly how much better TC is doing but I wanted to dedicate an entire post to it. 

Tracks are a little overgrown but still
remain my favorite thing I've done at
the ranch in a while

Essentially, things somewhat took a turn for the worse in March just because of the winter and my travel schedule. That's totally fine, I wasn't too bummed about it, but it made me realize that I need to give TC more consistency when I am out of town, so I decided to try to find someone to ride TC during those times. 

Basically what happened was that he came out a bit lame one day on his left hind, which is normal when he has been out of work, and especially if it has been raining and he's been locked on his paddock (which is 50' long, it's not a small paddock, but he's used to moving around a lot in his pasture). Normally, I give him a couple days off with some bute on board, then I kinda just push him through it and add hill work. Typically he's better within the week. But this time, pushing him through it resulted in him feeling WORSE later on in rides vs better. So rather than just taking a little longer to warm up, he was getting progressively more uneven throughout the ride. 

So that warranted starting our rehab over a bit and dropping from 15-20 minutes of trot back to 30 second trot sets adding up to like 5 minutes of trot. 

Hill work: required

Meanwhile, Kate and I were talking saddles. She learned SO much at her Stubben training and I was in Uruguay in the back of a van being schlepped across the country when she downloaded most of it to me. It blew my mind, specifically the following with regards to TC:

- The shorter tree points of my previous saddle (not the old Custom, but the non-Custom custom one I'd ordered a few years ago) definitely were what destroyed his shoulder. He was going well in fall 2021 and then that saddle came through and cut into his shoulder blade. Poor boy. That made the balking much worse. 

- My current saddle, the Pegasus, is fine, but it is still probably a bit too much pressure around the withers, TC has humongous withers (not super tall but just a lot of surface area) and most saddles sit way too close to his spine/withers. When there is pressure on the sides of the wither, there is a bundle of nerves that gets crushed and this causes horses to want to stop. It's the same bundle of nerves that stallions bite when they breed mares. 

- There is a bundle of nerves probably right under where my girth lands on his side, which can also be irritating to him. He's always been funny about girths, he wants his girth quite tight, and I wonder if this is why.

- TC is actually quite narrow, I feel like he's been in trees that were too wide for him a lot of his life. This can also put pressure on the wither area, which again causes horses to want to stop. 

He loves an audience

A few weeks ago, Kate was in town and I wanted to kill two birds with one stone, so she brought a client's saddle out AND one of her advanced riders. We put the saddle on TC and I took the first half of the lesson, then her rider got on and we did a quick evaluative ride so that when I was in Ireland, she could ride TC for me so that he didn't get a week off. 

I got on TC in the saddle and immediately felt a huge difference in the contact, TC was RIGHT there, which was a really good sign. He's never just... in the contact. He's been a really complicated horse in the contact for a long time, he struggles to reach evenly to both reins, he likes to retract the neck, and he drops through the base of his neck quite a bit. Except not anymore, because apparently ALL of that was caused by saddle fit. And it's not like he hasn't been in well fitted saddles (at least, fit professionally) for most of his life. 

We picked up trot and he was quite happy to do so without contorting his body. Just a week before, I was lamenting to Kate that he was getting stuck in a new corner, balking a bit, but in the new saddle, he was happy to step right through the corner.

It's just EASY what the hell

We put her rider on and he was... so unbelievably smug. First of all, he loves an audience, and second, he loves a kid. She's an adult, but a young adult, and I could tell from his facial expression that he thought his dreams were coming true, that she was going to be his new kid (young adult). His ears were pressed very far forward as they do when he is excited, so far forward that they were almost facing each other. 

And Kate had her ask him for some more advanced movements than I had in a while - shoulder-in, half pass, haunches-in - and TC was definitely having fun taking her through the movements. It was almost like he was trying to be super duper professional with her, like if I asked for half pass, he'd have been like, seriously? we haven't done that in ages, jeez. But when she asked, he was like oh yes, half pass, I am very trained and you are just a small child (young adult) and I will show you how. She is riding at the PSG level by the way, he's such a mansplainer. 

When we got done, I led him back to the barn, but instead, he stuck really close to her, as if to say "okay cool, when is the vet check? can you take me home today or do I have to wait?" ready to totally abandon me. Bro, I raised you!

Look how happy he is

I was really excited about the saddle, but obviously it's owned by a client of Kate's, so it left with the new love of TC's life (her student and just generally an audience) and I immediately messaged the local Stubben rep, who happened to be in town the next day!!

She came out and I got to try a few of the saddles. Again, TC went SO well in them, but I was really having trouble deciding between them. I told her that I was a little nervous to commit right away for a couple of reasons. 

1. TC is hopefully (and can confirm this is true 2.5 weeks later) going to positively explode with muscle now that he can move properly, so ordering a saddle when he's at his most undermuscled feels like a recipe for having to bring the fitter out a ton and maybe him outgrowing a tree.

2. I'm not sure what will happen with his gaits and how much support I'm going to need from the saddle if he is going to get his big gaits back. His trot and canter have definitely gotten smaller over the years just because he can't support the bigger gaits. I was worried about ordering a saddle with a smaller block and then a few months later being like... cool I can't sit these gaits anymore.

Luckily, Stubben really does seem to want to do what is best for horse and rider, so I was left with a demo saddle for as long as it takes me to figure out the answers to those questions. My goal is to get him back to full work and start to sit his trot. That will allow me to buy a saddle for a fit, somewhat well muscled horse (or at least we'll know what direction we're going in) AND to make sure that I give myself the support I need to handle his hopefully enormous gaits. 

Look how good he looks!

I think I've done a good job not letting myself go down the "if only I had..." rabbit hole. Maybe it'll come later. But I did the best that I could with the information I had at the time. 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about how much you can just trust a saddle fitter (or any equine professional, or professional in general), like they can be a good saddle fitter, and STILL the saddle might not *actually* work BEST for the horse. And it's hardest when the horse is going pretty well in the saddle - the concept of like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But at the same time, there's that other saying where like, good is the enemy of great. I think both of these little sayings get to me at work - I really do like my job, it gives me a lot of freedom (unlimited vacation, which I've been taking advantage of this year, I think I'm at 5 weeks of vacation so far and it's only April lol) and I enjoy what I do and the people I do it with, but I also know that if I really push myself, I could improve my salary quite a bit if I moved companies. Luckily they sensed me getting squirmy so they promoted me so I don't have to revisit this for a while. So I get to think about it with TC instead!

Basically since the saddle situation was mostly pretty good over the years, I didn't really put a huge amount of weight into it as the primary driving force behind his balking. But it turns out, it might be most of the answer. Only time will tell!

Lucky Pig

I'm really glad I had my arena back over the weekend because after our field trip, it was apparent that I'd really only be able to ride TC at home for the winter! 

On both days, we had truly great rides. I'm starting to think that the neighbor's pig has something to do with it. Ever since we met this pig, we've been having great rides. I've been calling him TC's "lucky pig" such as "do you want to go see your lucky pig?" when we walk down the road.

Lucky pig is not in this pasture but in
the pasture beyond it

Continuing the pattern from the last ride I wrote about, I've implemented the following:

- Have a plan for each work set

- Canter a little bit early on

- Canter trot transitions later on

- Mix of lateral work and bending lines to address straightness

- Address forward energy with my spur (not whip) and to a point where I can half halt him

It's been so helpful, but also challenging, to force myself to come up with exercises for TC to do each work set, but he really does seem to like them. And it's in this specific way that I feel like I have my horse back, not just from a few years ago, but the essence of what made me want to buy this horse. 

I can't find the post, but I remember vividly early on with him where I painstakingly taught him to do turns on the forehand one ride. It was like pulling teeth. He really struggled through doing them VERY slowly and I praised him for them of course but went home thinking that he was going to be SO hard to get lateral work on. 

Then he had a couple of days off and when I got on him next, he dragged me to this one part of the arena (the same part of the arena we were doing the turns on the forehand the ride before). He stood there, almost vibrating under me. And when I put my leg on, he took a deep breath and he did a pretty decent turn on the forehand. That was the moment I knew I wanted to buy that horse. He wanted so much to do the thing I had been asking him to do. 

He says gimme snax

And I ruined that part of him! So much of dressage is making a horse wait wait wait for an aid. I think once we hit the mid levels, we lost that kind of play and fun in learning new things. It was about doing it, doing it right, and doing it right now. Anticipation was the enemy, and it was to be squashed out of him.

I haven't felt him get excited about an exercise in so so long. So these rides where we are repeating exercises and he gets a little giddy because he knows what is coming up next? That's my horse, that's me getting my horse back. 

The 10-10-10 canter-trot-canter exercise is definitely one of his favorites. Feeling him sneak into canter - willingly go MORE forward on his own - has been the best part of it. I've made it a rule now not to care if he slips into canter early or even if he ends the canter early. I count and aid but do not punish if he changes it up on me. 

It's pretty beautiful at the ranch when
it's green

One of MY favorites is one that Kate gave me. It's been a game changer for his straightness and connection, and not too difficult for him to stay forward during.

You start on a figure-8, 20m circles in each direction. Tracking to the right, ride one circle bending to the right, then hold that bend as you change direction tracking left. Ride one circle tracking left but holding the right bend. As you come to the middle of the figure-8, don't change directions, but change bend so that you are now bending left and tracking left. Ride one circle like that and as you get back to the middle, change directions but don't change the bend, so you are now riding on the right circle but bending left. Then repeat. So two circles left, two circles right, but it'll ride right bend, left bend x2, right bend. 

It's been SUPER interesting to watch TC struggle through this. When tracking left, he finds it difficult to keep his haunches out, so when we are counter-bent, he falls inward and makes the circle really small. Tracking right, he actually feels better counter-bent, because all he wants to do is fall through his left shoulder and keep his haunches right. So I've been riding the counter-bent right circle in a bit like shoulders-out, which he finds tricky. In both directions, when we switch to true bend, he feels AMAZING and much better connected. 

I need to find my noseband lol we look
so non-legit right now

In general, I feel like I'm getting him much better connected, much better forward, and am at least starting to address the straightness issues. He's coming out more willing to go to the contact, I'm even getting glimpses of the dreamy connection he used to have. 

I still do feel like there's a slight disconnect, but it's further back along his topline now. When I first started riding him earlier this month, I felt like I had maybe 20% of his neck in my influence and that was it. Now I solidly get 60%, and it's slowly inching down toward his thoracic sling, but I'm still locked out of his back and hind legs. That's fine, I feel like I can get to them via a middleman if that makes sense? 

It's trending in the right direction! And not only that, but I feel like he's starting to trust the work again. I think for a long time, the work made him feel really off balance and and probably physically didn't feel good (or at worst, where it hurt him). For a while that caused him to say no to everything, even things he liked in the past. And now I'm feeling more and more that he says yes. And I think that is the most important part, because with that, we will slowly be able to get back to where I'd like him to be. 

All we need is time and a lucky pig

Another cool thing I noticed the other day is that I THINK he is putting on a little muscle in his neck. He's also put on a small amount of weight (just from the rain I think, being locked in + not being ridden), so maybe that's what I'm seeing. His back still looks like crap, but I can convince myself that he has put on some muscle in his hamstrings and glutes. I think the back will be the last thing to come in. At least, the trapezius was the last thing he developed as a young horse (both thoracic and cervical).

I'll be curious about the vet visit in February, both to see how much he weighs (hopefully getting him back down to the same body condition score beforehand) and to see what my vet thinks of his progress. 

Either way, I'm glad that he's having fun undersaddle right now though. I do think it's helping him, both mentally (he's been happily coming up to me in his paddock) and hopefully physically (I can definitely get him more connected riding him vs long lining him). Only time will tell though! 

A Great Ride

I had probably the best ride of our rehab so far yesterday so I wanted to document it! 

For context, the last three rides looked like this:

Thursday 12/18 - I posted about that in my last post

Friday 12/19 - We went on a trail ride for about an hour. He was really good and didn't have any spooking/balking. I did some lateral work on the hills, specifically working on strengthening his left hind leg. 

Saturday 12/20 - We had an okay ride, I was glad to get some video and I really noticed that he seemed plenty forward when watching him, but I know he felt behind my leg. He had a couple of small hesitations (I wouldn't even call them balks) but outside of that he was compliant. At the end of our ride, I finally got annoyed and really hustled him along, and then we ended on a good note. But in the video he was 

THEN I took him on the tracks and he seemed perky, so I let him pick up the trot on the back lane (a long, wide, slightly uphill section that spans almost the entire length of the property behind the pastures) and then had the idea that maybe I could let him canter out there. He picked up canter really easily and loped up the hill until he got a little tired. 

Our last day on the trails for a while, bummer!

I figured that we should do the other lead, so I walked him back down to the bottom of the back lane and then asked him to canter again. This time he really went for it, so I got up in half seat and let him go. He was gaining speed though, and I'm like... pretty aware that my vet called him borderline neuro last time we went to see him, so I asked TC to maybe keep it contained. TC took that as an invitation to leap into the air, so then I kicked him forward and decided that I'd just lean back a bit just in case! 

Finally we were getting to the normal spot where he poops out, so I sat back and was anticipating him stopping. He did not stop, he again took that as a cue to leap even HIGHER into the air and I almost came off. I was hanging off the right side of him and somehow managed to yell "well, don't lose me!?!" and he scooped me back up. I then made him continue cantering all the way up the steeper part of the hill when he finally stopped.

It did kind of scare me though, so I forced the poor horse back down the back lane to do it AGAIN, and this time we did a very controlled, easy canter for maybe eighteen strides before I let him walk and cool out. Looking back, it was super fun! Fun to feel him so enthusiastic about moving forward. 

Sunday 12/21 - I gave him and myself the day off, he was locked in for the day because of the rain, but was then let back out on Monday morning. 

He's such a good trail horse

So then yesterday I drove down to the ranch over my lunch break, and I was glad to see that my arena was useable! I dragged it and then went to get TC out.

I started to target train his right hind leg - I want to ask him to step toward the target, specifically taking a step away from his body with his right hind and aiming to touch his gaskin with the target. He didn't really understand it at first, but we did get some good movement. I think it'll take a few days. This is mostly because his right hind is stuffed up under his body ALL the time, even in the cross ties. And as he's (slowly) putting on muscle, I'm noticing that his right hind is lacking muscle just above the stifle in comparison to the left hind. Anyway, hopefully this can help him!

Love this spot looking down on the ranch!

We then started our ride by walking down the road, which I've been avoiding doing too much for his feet. He does love it though, and he got to see all his horse and cow friends. I tried to show him the new pig that the neighbor got but it was too far away and he was focusing on something else. 

Once in the arena, I had decided to be more structured with my ride. Using my interval timer, you'd think I'd be coordinated in general, but I haven't been. So for each of our eight 2 minute 15 second intervals (4 sets of 1 interval + 1 minute rest + 1 interval each and then he gets a longer break) I had a plan going into them. 

Set 1: Warm Up

I warmed TC up with large figures, working on establishing a connection and bend in each direction. We also worked a little bit on just being responsive to the aids. I didn't care if he maintained it or if he was just being a little more forward, just that he responded at all. He got lots of praise! I also asked him to very briefly canter in each direction for 3/4 of a large circle. Not caring if he was on the bit or anything, just wondering if that might loosen him up.

Set 2: Lateral Work + Lengthenings

On Saturday I had played with an exercise where we'd do some lateral work down the long sides of the arena and then we'd straighten, counter flex, and lengthen on the short sides. I figure that this will help him with his straightness, as well as give him confidence that when I ask him to go forward I'm not going to just chase him endlessly. And it works well with my plan to not ask him to do as hard of work when he's moving forward and to ask him to work a little harder if he's moving slower. 

Set 3: Shallow Loop + 15m Circles

For this exercise, I really wanted to test the connection and the coordination of his hind legs after priming him to be more aware of them from the second set. We did shallow loops down the longside and then every other loop, we'd ride a 15 meter circle at the top of the arena. It was a good way for me to really focus on the way that he used his hind legs and not to just shove them around, and it was good to see how he used himself on the 15 meter circle too. We also did a couple of long diagonals in a lengthened trot, since he was starting to kind of feel himself during this exercise and he seemed to think those were fun!

Such a fun day

Set 4: 10-10-10 Canter Trot Transitions

I decided to take a bit of a risk and do more cantering this ride. In the past, the canter was a source of a lot of balking. About half the time I asked last year, he'd either buck in place, run sideways, kick at my leg, or just stop and stick his head straight up in the air. So throughout this rehab, I've avoided cantering him too much. 

However, one of his favorite exercises (and mine too) was this 10-10-10 exercise I love for unresponsive horses. You trot for 10 strides, then canter for 10 strides, then trot for 10 strides, and so on. The goal is to get EXACTLY ten strides, no more no less. With Rico, and TC in the past, I'd then start to lower the numbers, so trot for 9 strides, canter for 9 strides, and so on. Rico was able to do this at like 2-3 strides, which is CRAZY to think about now! TC would consistently be able to do maybe 6? I forget to be honest. 

He super lit up in this exercise, and so did I. I actually had to half halt him at the trot, and sometimes he'd even slip into canter early. To the right, we were dead on accurate, but to the left he was a little reluctant to do all 10 canter strides. I made it a rule not to get after him about that, just to bring him to trot and start the counting again. 

I didn't have him do this the entire 2 minutes 15 seconds in each direction, I ended up doing maybe 3-4 of them and then keeping him in trot, mostly just working on large figures and enjoying how forward he was (and praising him for it!). 

The ranch is so casually beautiful

It was the best ride we've had in SO long! I felt like we could really work on things the two of us together rather than it being me against him trying to convince him to be forward and him trying to convince me to not make him be forward. 

The best part was how much he seemed to enjoy it too. Not just the last set, but the entire time he seemed really mentally engaged with the work. I can't remember when he was last like that with dressage work. During our foray into jumping last winter, I felt like I had that back, but then things got bad again. Hopefully this can be maintained through the winter and into next year! 

TC got to meet the neighbor's new pig after our
ride and he was SO excited (he actually scared
the pig at first by charging up to it)

I'll ride him again today and hopefully we can replicate some of this good work. And then Christmas Eve I'm planning on doing some groundwork in the barn (maybe targeting his butt cheeks again) since it will be raining all day. And Christmas Day I'm at my aunts' house all day which is convenient because it's going to rain all day again. I think it's alright if he gets a couple of days off after all of that work! 

My plan is to still get his neck injected and maybe talk to the vet about how he uses his right hind. I'm kind of thinking that an SI injection might not be a bad idea? I want to figure out how many joints is possible with what is leftover after the initial injections last month and prioritize them. We can always pull more blood but again I'm trying to take this slow! 

Slowing Down + Adding Lateral Work

TC has been pretty good this week! I'm still kind of experimenting with things to get us on the same page. After watching the last video I took (trying to take them every week), I noticed that when I thought he was forward enough, he was borderline running past his balance. 

He's always looked different than he feels to ride, which has been a struggle for me in the past (and now!). He looks more forward, more active, more responsive than he feels, and I've had instructors tell me to slow down when he feels like he's barely moving. 

I know a lot of this comes down to responsiveness, and in the past I've basically just added tension to get that responsiveness, and I'd rather not do that this time around.

TC likes to stop to say hi to Rico

Another big part of why I want to run him off his feet is the balking. The big thing I'm looking to feel is a commitment to moving forward without having the feeling that in the back of his mind he's waiting to stop. One way I was able to combat this when riding him before was to run him off balance so that it was harder for him to stop, then he felt like he was forward! Because he couldn't not be forward. But that was not conducive to collection and that's where things started to get really hard for us. 

And I think this is really making the balking worse because he is probably uncomfortable being that off balance, so he wants to slow down to catch his balance, and then I say no I need you to be forward. It's also not fully accepting the aids if the horse literally has no choice but to do the thing. Like if you slap a horse in draw reins, is he actually accepting the aids? Or is there no other choice? I need to give him the chance to balk in order to fix the balking. 

His neck looks great!

So in my recent rides, I've been challenging myself to ride slower. At the walk, I've been playing with some lateral work, asking him to take slow, deliberate steps. My goal is to make the steps more active, but for now I'm not working on that so much. We do straighten and march forward, but in the actual lateral work, I'm not hurrying him. 

Then in the trot, we trot slowly, but we trot slowly and we do harder work, like some lateral work or smaller circles. Then we straighten and we go more forward and he gets a LOT of praise. And then we slow down again (my choice) and he has to work harder, not super hard, just a little harder. 

In my last ride (yesterday), it did seem to help a bit? He definitely got to a more rideable place a little faster than usual, although I did ride earlier in the day. We were able to do a few fun exercises. The first was to do haunches-in at the trot to the right, I'm really working to get him comfortable bringing his right hind away from his body and to engage his left hind and he gave me some really good steps! Nothing too fancy or carrying, just mechanically good steps. And then to the left, we worked on some shoulder-in to renvers (again just like, the smallest amount of angle) and that was great. 

Rico did come over, TC was more
excited than he was though lol

As things got better in the ride, we did a little lateral work down the long side in a slower trot, then on the short sides, I'd counter bend him (not too much, just enough where his body was straighter than the line he was on) and ask him to lengthen his stride a little bit. 

We DID have two balks though. One was tracking left during a walk to trot transition, this was a really popular balking moment for him in the past, so it was not unexpected. I've been really fair (I think) about asking him to trot. I first ask with my leg + voice, then wait, if he doesn't trot, I ask again with my leg + voice and wait. Then if I have to ask a third time, that's when I escalate with my tiny spurs until he goes. 

When I do escalate, I make sure that he's MOVING but then I half halt back to the trot that I had wanted in the first place (vs continuing to chase him) - essentially he has to work much harder to get to the trot I was asking for than he would have had to if he'd just picked up trot. That time to the left, I got to the second ask and I felt him suck back. So that's the start of the balk, not just him ignoring me or taking his sweet time trotting. But once I escalated, he got moving pretty quickly after it, so not a bad balk like before! 

The lighting was weird, but TC is so
cute with him

The second one was during trot in another classic area. To the right in this one corner of the arena, we turn to go "uphill" and by uphill, I mean that my arena is a 1% grade, it's not actually truly uphill. This is a place where he likes to stall out and start hover trotting, so as we came around the corner, I asked him to please move a bit more forward. Instead, he threw himself through his right shoulder and darted inward, and when I put my leg on, he sucked back and went more sideways. This is pretty classic setup for a balk for him - I ask for forward, he contorts his body and then becomes ANGRY with me for expecting him to go forward from such a crooked place. But if I block him from becoming crooked, he balks really hard (head straight up, refusing to take a step forward) and becomes ANGRY with me for blocking him because obviously he's really just trying to go forward and needs to shift his weight to do so. 

For that one, again I escalated and then he was totally fine. I do think the spurs are a much better choice than the whip. I wish I'd switched a while ago. The whip sometimes would cause him to buck and that's something he can do... while balking. So I think I'm going to keep the spurs and just carry the whip for lighter aids like asking him to remember that he has hind legs. 

This is what I feel like at work AND
with TC right now lol

I was a little disappointed with the balking (although it really wasn't bad), and of course I considered overthinking it. But I did make a conscious decision to ride him slower and put him at risk of balking. I do think that's the right call. My hope is to give him confidence that I'm not going to run him past his balance, and to get me recalibrated to develop the feeling of forward from a more appropriate stride length. And unfortunately there will be times where his muscle memory takes over. 

And maybe there IS pain there, I will be scheduling him for injections again in February and we'll do the last things on our laundry list. But so far I feel comfortable pushing him a little bit up until that appointment (which is only like, three and a half weeks of riding since I'll be gone for a lot of January - and at least one of those weeks it will be pouring rain so it's pretty minimal work) to find out whether we can get through this. 

But by the end of the ride, he felt great. He was happily pretty forward (for him), we ended on a fabulous note of him doing some lateral work with me being able to actually half halt him to rebalance him, and he was super pleased at the end of the ride with his ears forward and happily marching out on the tracks to go home. 

Unwinding Ridden Work

As I mentioned yesterday, I bought a saddle and rode TC in it! Actually, I've ridden him in it twice now and I'm genuinely looking forward to riding him in it today. 

I was glad that on the first day, I was able to grab some video. And I was also grateful to be able to send those videos to Kate and get her opinion on them. It's really hard to see my own horse with fresh eyes and I am really struggling with looking at this situation objectively. It's been a mix of emotions where I feel really horrible that we got to this place, and really frustrated (both with me and with him a little), and because of that, I can't really break things down as easily just watching the video by myself.

I have no horse photos but I took a day off on
Tuesday to both go birding by the coast and to go
to TC's breeder's Celebration of Life

The few things I noticed were:

- We are both really defensive of each other, it's like I'm preparing for him to balk and he's preparing for me to stuff him forward. I look very hesitant in my riding, but in the same way you're hesitant when you're super frustrated but trying to remain calm. Like there's a hardness living inside of my hesitation. 

- He's not letting me in, I feel like I'm sitting outside of him and if I try to sit into him at all, he gives me a warning about balking. I described it as when I'm helping someone write code who doesn't have a basic understanding of the language, so I'm like, half asking them to write it and half literally spelling it out for them. And then I see what they've written and I'm like... I mean technically that will run but that's... just weird. 

Kate saw all of that as well, but also pointed out a mechanic he's fallen into with his hind end, where his right hind sweeps under his body but not in a carrying way, it stiffens straight and then his left hind kind of pole vaults over it. That was a really huge realization and I think will change things for us. But I've got to give it more thought and try to feel it a bit better before I write about it. 

His breeder was quite the character,
I will really miss her, I've had a few
losses recently and while this one
was not completely unexpected, it was
still a loss of a very influential person
in my (and TC's) life <3

There were good things too - for the most part, he had a pretty pleasant expression on his face! He looks sound and happy enough to do his work. And he hasn't been bolting or balking much. 

And while I've got some weird stuff going on in my pelvis, I still maintained quite a good mechanic! It's funny, I think the pelvis thing is the fact that I rehabbed my hip injury all this year. I feel great, I did physical therapy and now I work with a personal trainer who helped me come up with a very effective program that has allowed me to avoid surgery! But now my hips are quite a lot looser. Stronger yes, but much looser. And I think a lot of my riding mechanic depended on my hips being a little tight. So now there's this slightly odd twisty thing I'm doing with my hips in my posting mechanic. 

I see my trainer for a private session (I normally do groups with my gym buddies since it's more affordable and more fun that way!) soon, so I need to really take inventory of what is going on so that we can talk about it and get me a bit better stabilized for riding. But it's progress! Even if I'm a bit wonky right now, my hip hasn't hurt at all while riding and I'm really not as unfit as I thought I'd be.

It was a nice day to just wander along the coast
with friends and family, and then go celebrate her

On the second day, armed with some of Kate's exercises (who I am very thankful for, since I seem incapable of doing any critical thinking about the horse right now), I decided that I wanted to try to improve the connection. This is the purpose of me riding him - because I have more influence over it, so if I can't get him well connected, we may as well go back to long lining. 

Back in the day, this horse had the dreamiest connection, he was tough to get there, but once there it was like I could draw him into the work I wanted him to do. We lost that along the way, and I think I'd really like to get him back to that place. Especially since showing is not really a huge goal of mine (like obviously I will show him a little if he comes back since he loves it, but it's not the primary driver), so we can take things slow and we don't have to stick within the confines of a test. I do think that's what happened, slowly but surely he had to do a thing NOW and my trainers were in my ears making that very clear. I don't think that's bad, I just think that it caused a loss of trust. But now I get to do it my way!

Meanwhile Christmas exploded at my
workplace and I sat next to this festive
pillow the next morning for breakfast

The first half of the ride was me battling with the frustration of his warm up - he just takes longer these days and I'm trying to figure out what the right balance is between hustling him a little bit forward during it, and leaving him completely alone (which feels like reinforcing him being behind my leg). I do think it's probably better if I longe him through it, but I've been skipping that because I'm greedy and want to ride. 

Side bar- this reminds me of a client I had whose horse would take exactly twenty minutes to warm up, regardless of what you did. When I rode her, I'd get up in my half seat and just do trot sets, then she'd be ready to work. But my client would come to me each week with a new theory that if she just does X exercise (which took her twenty minutes to discover) it worked super well. Then she'd start with that exercise and wouldn't you know it, the horse wouldn't immediately warm up and the client would be frustrated. 

Then, the middle part of the ride was me fighting the urge to just put him on the damn bit. He was floating above and away from me and would give me his nose, tucked nicely like the little faker his friesian breeding encourages him to be, but I had zero access to his back or the base of his neck. I resorted to pulling on the face since that's a tried and true method (that doesn't work but it FEELS like it works. It's like using an AI assistant at work, feels like progress but at the end of the day, it just produces spaghetti code that sure, you've tested a lot, but still doesn't work - lots of work metaphors today). During this part, I was working on some shallow loops, and we were absolutely all over the place. 

And then finally I took a moment to use my brain (very hard right now) and decided to go back to something Tracey used to make me do - hold onto the tab on my saddle pad to give me an idea of how steady my hands are (or are not). I did it enough when TC was younger that it kind of puts us both in a better place. And I'm also so unbelievably out of riding shape and practice that the moment I did it, it made me realize how loose in the tack I had gotten over time, and with this new flexi-hip. 

We also had our year-end social and
they had this random candy bar

Slowly, over the course of a few trot sets, he started to really come onto the bit properly, not just faking it, but I could feel and see in his neck/back that he was much better connected. And I finally got that same feeling I'd had years and years ago, that I could just draw him through the exercises. We rode our shallow loops without them feeling so drunk, and I could feel him start to tune in like "oh this is interesting" for the first time at the very least since last winter, if not longer. And, when we went back to the barn, he had a little hypertrophy in his trapezius (both cervical, and I could convince myself thoracic too), which has only really happened on trail rides so far. 

I kind of couldn't believe it? Our second ride back and by the end of it, we got to a place where I'd be super happy to stay indefinitely? 

Anyway, we have a LONG way to go, this could have just been a fluke, we could still see the same pattern happen next summer where he begins to feel terrible again, I could just be making this up as I careen into the end of the year after a really stressful half... but I'm relishing in the fact that this is the first time I'm genuinely looking forward to riding my horse in quite a long time.