WW: Best Frands

I really want TC to be okay in turnout, but that suspensory is still nagging at me. On the one hand, he has a big space to live in and doesn't get hurt in there, what's a few more square feet and a different view? Also, do I really want to live in fear the rest of my time with him over an injury that now happened three years ago? On the other hand, do I really want to risk his soundness if he's fine where he's at?

I compromised by being a completely overbearing parent type and put him in the tiniest turnout with his halter on and with me sitting inside watching him like a hawk.

The minute he was in there, a friend came trotting up to him. He doesn't get to play as much as he'd like (because he'd play ALL THE TIME) so it was fun to see him interact with another horse like that. They were SO CUTE together. I grabbed some video -

Always pawing. Always. Every day.
All day long. With and without friends. 

Behold: his very ugly natural trot 

PLAY WITH M- oh look, mud

So cute

I think I'll be doing supervised turnout sessions on the weekends when I can. I think he's fine if he just plays around, but I do want to make sure that I'm there just in case he really panics and starts galloping. We have rain starting today so I think he'll be in for a few weeks at least. But it was so fun seeing him play a bit! 

Back on Rico

I rode Rico both days this last weekend! I put tack on him and everything. It was so fun, even if I had a bunch of human emotions on Sunday night when I was riding him in the dark.

I used to ride him in the dark when I was in grad school. I'd go to crossfit early in the morning, run to class for a few hours, go teach, go back for another class maybe, and then finally I could ride Rico, my FEI horse, just as it was getting dark in my parents' unlit, lopsided arena so that we could keep plugging away at our (well, my) Grand Prix dreams in the moonlight.

To be back riding him at night, squeezing him in at the end of a long day, brought back so many memories, good and bad, of struggling to keep everything compartmentalized so that I could have one hour to push toward a goal I'd made many years ago. It was almost surreal being back in that place.

Set up my soloshot while Rico weeded the arena

But since getting my Gold on him in late 2014, Rico has been in and out of work. I rode him semi-regularly in 2015 while I was finishing up graduate school and starting to ride TC (who I rode 3x/week). Then in 2016 I brought him back into work when TC was on rehab for his suspensory. In late 2016, Rico was diagnosed with internal pigeon fever and we nearly lost him, he didn't recover until mid 2017.

So then for 2017, I didn't ride him much at all. He was so weak after that and I was preparing to move, so it just seemed like there was no reason to ride him. Obviously I spent much of 2018 far away from Rico. Now, I'm back and closer to him. My thought is that if he wants to be ridden, I'll ride him. He turns 23 in a week and a half, he's not that old.

He does, still, have no muscle on him though. He was skeletal when he was suffering from internal pigeon fever, and never got it back, he came back to pasture fitness. Addressing this is also sort of my thought. As I get older and see certain family members have trouble getting up out of chairs or walking around my parents' property, the more it makes me 1) glad that my parents are relatively active and 2) want to lift weights for the rest of my freaking life. If Rico can stay sound enough to put a little muscle on him with some lower level dressage, I think it'd be really good for him and hopefully keep him fitter and stronger. TC is obviously my priority, then my business, then Rico (oh and my real job and own fitness is in there somewhere), but when I have time, I want to get him out, hopefully at least once a week and if I can, twice.

When I first put it on him, I got a lot of side-eye

So both days this weekend, I tacked him up and rode him! He was pretty excited to get out and do something, which was so fun to see from a horse who has been historically lethargic about working. He was way more forward than he's ever been and just plain enthused about trotting and cantering around in circles.

He remains such a nice mover, even if he's kind of uneven behind and not strong enough to contain his flingy legs. His canter is feeling great right now, though he gets tired quickly and his method to getting me to give him a break includes yanking me out of the tack as he starts "bucking" and then stopping. I told him that wasn't cool but then decided to give him more breaks. I brought my equisense over, and we did about 6 minutes of trot and 1.5 minutes of canter on Saturday and 5 minutes of trot and 1 minute of canter on Sunday. That seems like a decent starting point.

Looking around

The saddle I'm using is a reactor panel saddle I found at a tack store for way less than it should have been priced at. I think I'll be buying it, even if it's not perfect (it's not), it's something to ride in that I know I can sell for more when I want to. I might even toss it up for sale while I'm using it. If it sells, awesome, I'll make money, and if it doesn't, it does fit Rico so it's going to be great to ride in in the mean time.

I'm excited at the idea of riding Rico more. I really hope that 1) he stays sound (enough) and 2) I can make time for him. Fingers crossed he enjoys coming back into work. I'm already loving seeing him more living down here, and he seems more excited to see me than he has in the past when I've been less of a regular figure in his life.

TC's Terrible Weekend

TC had the worst weekend! On Saturday he got tormented by children, then he got a bath. Then Sunday we went to my parents' place on his first field trip since moving last month and everything was horrifying there.

Hi patience is the worst

Saturday

I set up my soloshot in the corner of the arena to grab some video. I haven't seen him go in a long time, and while he feels great, I'm sure there's a ton of stuff to address. There is, but I didn't get to see very much of it.

There was a group lesson going on at the end of the arena near the gate, so we stuck with the far end and went to work. Then the lesson horses all left. Poor TC was all alone. He was a little concerned. Soon the lesson horses came back into the arena. Mkay. TC was very excited. Then they all left again and TC was very concerned. They kept doing this... for my whole ride. I guess they were trail riding around the property? Then coming back in?

Medium trot developing pretty well though, I do
want more relaxation in it though, but legs are
matching and that's more than I could have said
last time I schooled it

TC got more and more upset, made worse by two horses in turnout playing near him. EVERYONE WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN AND HE HAD TO WORK. He got super amped and would not calm down, but he only took off bucking once, so I'm counting this as a win.

After our very questionable ride, I further ruined TC's day by scrubbing him clean. He's been absolutely disgusting for so long, it was so nice to get him clean again. He smelled amazing.

I put him in turnout for the first time since he arrived there and he made a friend next door and they went trotting up and down together, playing bitey-face and squealing/striking at each other. I got some video that I'll post later! So cute! So his day wasn't all bad.

The one moment he enjoyed this weekend

Sunday

I have been trying to get a lesson with a new trainer for a while now. She does this thing every week where she like... doesn't work for two days in a row. What the hell, are you even a horse trainer if you don't work every day? I work every day! Granted I also work in an office. But Kate works every day and doesn't work in an office. Are we the crazy ones? Maybe we are... So yeah, she couldn't teach me last Monday and couldn't teach me this Sunday. So I remain on my own.

I figured that it'd still be a good idea to take advantage of the good weather and take TC somewhere. So off to my parents' ranch we went! It's about 25 minutes away from my barn, has good footing, doesn't require a ring fee, and I can use my soloshot there. When it works. Which it didn't feel like doing!

First, before I talk about how TC was, can we just remember that I trained Rico to Grand Prix in this TINY arena. It's the length of a short dressage court and only a bit wider. How the hell did I do that? That horse is a saint, an actual saint.

Okay, back to TC. Who is absolutely not a saint.

Being clean is the worst

I recently pressure washed my trailer, so it was looking beautiful as I loaded up my way-cleaner-than-he-was-a-week-ago horse into it.

When we arrived, I decided that since I had the whole day, I may as well do some patience training. So I left him in the trailer for a while and went in the house to pet the animals. Finally I got him out and took him on a walk. He seemed pleasantly curious and we walked down the road quite a lot.

Back at the trailer, I tied him up and again left him for a while. Then my dad started mowing the lawns and pastures, which TC thought was a horrible thing to do, so he freaked out at the trailer for a while and I again just ignored him while I petted Rico on the nose and told him how perfect he was.

This was as close as I could get him to tracking up, not bad but
he's also a horse that over tracks usually sooooo okay

Finally I thought it might be a good idea to get on him. It was not a good idea.

The ride started out with him walking around on tip toes while I tried to get on him without him immediately leaving. I finally hopped on and he wouldn't walk, so we trotted. Very fast. I had to do a couple of pulley rein stops because he was so frantic about... nothing.

He did give me some EXCELLENT canter work though. When he gets all balled up, it's so easy to ride. I really want to see what it looks like, because it feels good and I literally feel like he's a half halt away from a canter pirouette... but you know, it just seems like the wrong way to get this kind of work out of him.

Back in trot, he was way more relaxed and I should have just pet him and gotten off of him.

Just pet him and get off, Megan, just pet him and get off

I obviously did not. I guess I was greedy. But my mom also saw me riding (she said she was cringing the whole time, she said she knew I could handle it but "he's just SO BIG Megan") and offered to take video. Why get off when I have someone willing to take video?!

I got about two circles of okay work before I put him in canter and all the gunfire started next door. It'd be fine if 1) I had enough horse left to work him through it or 2) the gunfire was predictable so I could ride him through it for a bit, then stop the gunfire and praise him. But it went on for a long time.

So basically he's taking off with me and I can't stop him, but I know I need to get off. So I got him going slow enough to leap off of him and then we did some ground work and stood around while the gunfire kept going on. He did seem to calm down about it, and I had half a mind to get back on... but again it wasn't predictable.

Right before shit hit the fan, he looks good!

There it goes... poor pony was terrified of the gunfire 

We didn't end on a great note, he got back home and we were both kind of frazzled. But the weekend did clarify a few things for me.

1) I am still way too trusting of him
2) I am for sure buying a 2 year old next time so I can Amanda the hell out of it before I send it to a professional to start for me
3) TC still needs way more time before he's *always* trustworthy in new places
4) We are traveling every weekend that I can for the rest of his fucking life until I address it

Pushing Buttons

Last weekend was a big weekend for teaching and then this week was flex week (all the faculty members come back), so it's been a LOT this week. TC has unfortunately been on the back burner for a couple of days, as I had a meeting I had to be at on Wednesday morning at 8am and then a client's horse I rode on Thursday morning (never AGAIN, the traffic to the peninsula is the fucking worst in the mornings, but the horse was amazing so that's great!). So TC got some food and a pet on the nose and I trust that the barn manager sees him all day from her house nearby so he's doing okay. I mean he's very dirty, but that means he's doing well, right?

Wandering around on him has been so nice

My last ride on him on Tuesday (back on him this morning, by the time you read this post I might be in the dirt lol) was AMAZING though, and I want to talk about it.

As I've written a lot lately, we haven't been doing many movements. It's not that I think movements aren't important, they are, but TC had a few things I wanted to clean up before playing with them again. Namely the corkscrew (straightness) and the collection. Those are definitely improving as he comes back into shape from his unintended vacation this fall!

I finally decided that if I was actually going to show this year, I better push some buttons and see what happens. And I did, and it was great!

My main goal in life is to mildly traumatize
this horse, it's true

His shoulder-in feels amazing. I can add a bit of power to it and get it to be really fancy, but I've been mostly working on walk-trot transitions within it, getting really comfortable with making changes in it. He took to it very well tracking left, which I would not have expected, but tracking right he fell right off my imaginary rail (pro tip: do shoulder-in and haunches-in off the rail if you have room, saves you from relying on it for straightness and also saves you from the cavalletti monsters on the side of the arena). I had to remember to not tip myself around when things went wrong and also to keep my DAMN RIGHT THIGH ON THE HORSE to keep him upright and not falling in.

The haunches-in is quite good to the right and less good to the left. This is to be expected just since they tend to do that, the shoulder-in is good in the same direction the haunches-in is bad. TC's haunches-in isn't bad but it could be stronger. So we schooled that and again played with some transitions within it. I didn't feel like I could add power or cadence to it just yet, it just felt very workman like. Definitely a question for Tanya, since my first instinct is to kick more energy into him lol why instincts, why.

The half pass feels... dare I say... good. Like the first half pass I've ridden that I wasn't horrified by. For reference, I hate half pass, even good feeling half passes. TC is changing my mind. I can really put him anywhere! The trouble has been to keep him upright in the right half pass and get enough crossover/cadence in both directions. He wants to shuffle over a bit in the same way as his haunches-in. This is just going to take time.

He saw humans doing horrible human things like shoveling

Because he's been such a weirdo, the canter work has fallen to the side. I've schooled a lot of simple changes and they're getting quite good. I've schooled SOME flying changes and they've been okay. I've done a lot of squares and shoulder-fore and those could both be way better. I dunno, the canter feels like I'm riding it like this:

shift his weight to th- please don't buck me off and then I'm going to half hal- please don't run her over thanks okay so back to shifting his weight over his lef- stop it damnit, you weren't afraid of that earlier

So, you know. He's just way amped these days because it's winter! It's cold! I'm a horse! That's a horse! NO THAT'S A MONSTER! Wait it's just a horse. Who cares, I'm already going very fast anyway, may as well keep going! Yay!

Walking through these streams has been great
for him!

We'll get it, he's just being his normal winter self. Luckily this winter I haven't been afraid of him at all. Quite the opposite, I have to ask myself if I'm being brave or if I'm being stupid before I get on him. He's just a big goof ball.

This weekend I just have horses to ride, so that will be super fun. Hopefully I can take TC on a field trip, even if it's just to my parents' barn.

And I'm scheming some plans for Rico this year. Turns out that his weird iffiness lately has been his feet being sore (not him being old and decrepit), I put pads on him again and so I'm hoping to get him into not-bad shape so that we can trail ride a bit. And this means I'm saddle shopping for him! Just something cheap that fits him and I not terribly. I head to the tack store today to grab whatever I can find for this weekend.

Teaching Progression

So this moment the other day that I described yesterday, the one that showed me how far I had come as a rider and instructor, actually had way more to do with the latter.

I've been teaching for a long time now, kind of on and off in intensity but now it's ramping back up and I'm seeing a big difference in my teaching. It kind of goes along with my riding progression too, so I figured I'd put these posts back to back. Also I have way less time to write last minute blogs so I wrote a bunch of these kinds of posts to put up when I don't have time to write.

Here are some differences I've noticed in my teaching.

I have no teaching progression pictures so how about TC
progression pictures? October 2017

To August 2018

Way More First Toolkit

I still teach a lot of second toolkit, don't get me wrong, I think it's important for riders to understand what things should feel like and what they currently look like. None of my clients have access to mirrors, so telling them that the horse is off the bit is necessary for them.

However, I am VERY aware of what toolkit I'm working in and I make sure that when I use second toolkit language, I back it up with first toolkit language. Like "and ride him rounder by drawing him up under you with your calf and grabbing onto him with your upper inner thigh, think about dropping your shoulder blades into your back pockets and engage the lats, add 20lbs to each elbow but continue pressing the knuckles forward against that resistance" unless I'm teaching Peony where it somehow always becomes real R rated real quick.


Willingness to Help Clients Cognitively Restructure

As an instructor, it's super easy to operate within a client's current framework. Rider comes to me telling me that their horse is a dick and that they can't get him forward... it's easy for me to give the rider a whip and talk about the importance of free forward movement, while also implying heavily that their horse is a dick.

It's WAY harder for me to break down the rider's fundamental understanding of what forward is and how they are blocking it in their body, how it isn't the horse's fault. When someone hears that they are the problem or that their framework is wrong, it leads to them being... way harder to teach. It's easy to lose clients if you challenge the way they view their horse or the way they view dressage. It's real easy to retain clients if you tell them what they want to hear and push them along the path they're already on. You can even make it seem like you're being truthful while still just operating within their framework.

Being candid and slamming a client down a bit is HARD. Especially when you're dependent on your training income. It also sucks to have to confront someone just generally, especially when it's a sport they love so much, and especially when they're at a high enough level where they know they're not bad at this. Dragging someone kicking and screaming back to the basics only for them to shit on you and tell you and everyone else that you're a bad instructor... that's fun. But that's the risk. And until recently, it was a risk I hated taking, so I didn't take it often.

October 2017

August 2018

Working on my Teaching

Ever since the first Mary clinic, I've been focusing on my teaching as a skill to be developed. Riding Alexis' horse with her helped me understand recently that me taking lessons on different types of horses helps my teaching quite a lot. Riding TC well is important to me and it will be the primary focus of where I choose to put my money, and don't get me wrong, what I learn on him can be applied to a lot of different types of horses, but riding other horses with my trainers is important for my teaching.


More Confidence

Teaching new riders when you're first starting out is nerve wracking. I used to get a lot of anxiety going to teach new people.

Now that I'm working harder on my teaching, new riders are exciting to me. I see people riding and I want to get my hands on them, I want to Mary them, which is a silly thing Kate and I always say. I feel confident that I can help a lot more people than before.

In addition, if I can't help them, no biggie, I don't want clients to ride with me and be like "eh there are no other options so I'll settle for Megan," I realize that my program is not for everyone. And I also realize that I want clients who are dedicated to my program. And I just plain like teaching people who are fun to teach. If I feel like I can't teach someone or that they don't match with me, I'm okay with pulling back and sending them elsewhere.

Being a dick in October 2017

Being a dick in August 2018

Slowing it Down

Just like my riding, my teaching has been way more focused on the basics. I'm still a big planner and like to put my agenda on my riders a bit (unless they give me theirs), but I am way more dedicated to their education than their achievements. I want my riders to understand exactly what is happening under them and know how to get to that place. Whether that means an entire lesson on how well stuffed each side of the horse is (happened more than once recently) or an entire lesson on a twenty meter circle (can count on one hand the number of times I've had anyone to do anything but that), who cares. I want my riders to be educated.

Maybe this comes from the majority of my riders riding with me once a week or less. I want them to be autonomous and to think about their own training and their horse's training as something they are in charge of. I am there to guide and to educate, they are the trainers. Not that I would turn down someone who wants a more involved trainer, but it's hard with my full time job, my commute, and my own horse. Oh and I like to sleep and have a social life sometimes. Blasphemy.

October 2017

August 2018

I'm really excited with how my teaching is going these days. I know I still have so much to learn and so much this year is going to help with that. I am, of course, attending the Mary Wanless Workshop in early February. AND I'll be doing the L program this fall! Lots of learning coming up for the next couple of years!

Riding Progression

I had a moment the other day that made me really realize how much my riding has changed over the last several years, so I wanted to talk about that today. I also know that my teaching has changed a lot, so I will be going over that tomorrow.

So, without further ado, I'm going to compare my riding journey with TC to my riding journey to Rico, the only two dressage horses I've owned. I've ridden a lot of other horses in between, but I think these two horses really show how much I changed.  

For the record, I don't think I was a bad rider before, nor do I think that I've perfected the art of it now by any means. I'm just finding it so interesting to look back at how Rico was going for me about eight years ago at Fourth level and how TC is going for me this year at First. 

Rico and I at Fourth Level

TC and I at First Level

Basics Heavy

With Rico, I was very eager to get to the upper levels of dressage. I wanted to be that person in the arena schooling half pass zig zags and canter pirouettes. I wanted to feel the piaffe and passage. I wanted to play with tempi changes. The movements were evidence for how good of a rider I was, how trained a horse he was. If the shoulder-in was hard, we practiced it. If the canter pirouettes were bad, we practiced them.

With TC at this point, I know I could put him into a Third level test and probably score fine, I know I could dump movements on him and have him go Prix St George by the end of the year. Yet most of our rides focus on the basics still. I want him straighter, more in front of my leg, more through. And the movements, they come on when he can do them easily. It's about working his body to get him capable of doing the movements. Doing movements doesn't prove how far along he is. I am happy to call him a First level horse... who is capable of the level of collection and straightness required at Third level. Who is more collected, more reliable, and straighter than Rico was at Fourth level.

Rico and I at Fourth level

TC and I schooling Second Level

Emphasis on Feeling

If there's one thing I learned with Rico, if dressage isn't fun, if the feeling isn't amazing, it's not dressage. That took me a long long time to realize. I struggled so much with trainers telling me that it doesn't matter how it feels, or that I should get used to that feeling since that's correct. Tanya's big thing is that everything should be easy, it should feel good. If it doesn't, something is wrong.

Don't get me wrong, not everything feels amazing on TC or anything. New movements can feel precarious, but that's the only word I'd describe it when we're on the struggle bus.

Rico and I at Fourth Level

TC and I schooling Second Level with my arms being all
weird, hey, I never said I had perfected this

Less Fighting

I don't fight with TC like I fought with Rico. I don't really fight with anything I get on anymore. In my opinion, horses don't need CTJ moments about anything that isn't a dangerous behavior (like, if TC reared straight up, we'd have it OUT, let me tell you).

Rico and I would get into each other a lot. A lot of the time I was pushing on him, asking for stuff that he couldn't possibly do because I was in his way, and he'd come up against me saying HEY I CAN'T DO THAT and I'd respond by trying to MAKE him do it and was often successful at getting... something. My trainers said that he was putting up a fight because the work was hard, because he didn't want to work, because he had a bad work ethic. He was really putting up a fight either because a) I was in his fucking way or b) he was physically incapable of doing the movement. Or both.

TC taught me early on that fighting him leads to him absolutely losing his MIND. You cannot fight with that horse, things get dangerous FAST. It took me years to be able to put any pressure on him because he was so internally pressured. Now he's way better and I could probably try fighting with him... but why. If I have to hoist him through a movement, I ask myself why, what is missing, why can't he do this on his own with me merely asking him to do it? And then I go and train that first.

Rico and I fighting

TC and I fighting... er... photo not found. I have a lot of pictures of him goofing off though

The difference is, he isn't doing this to fight me because I'm
asking for stuff that's too hard, he's doing this because he thinks
he is hilarious lol

Higher Scores

And what do you know, last season we scored the highest both of us have ever scored. And that was with him trying to unload me once or twice in the show ring because #basiliskmoments.

With TC, I want to wait until I'm confident about every single movement of the test before we go into it. Confident meaning that I think if we perform it the way we do at home, we'll get a 7. This has nothing to do with his gait quality or his breeding or how fancy he is, and everything to do with the training, every horse is capable of 7s.

Rico was miles fancier and better bred than TC. I've had to work years to get TC's trot undersaddle to look like Rico's trot in turnout. Rico had a natural ability to collect in a way that TC will never have. And yet... if you look at the scores... I mean, Rico didn't score badly at ALL. He scored under 60% twice in all of our years, one 59% at First when my back was injured and I went off course twice and one 59% at Third when half the arena letters blew into the arena and he was not keen on going near them. But my main goal with TC is to hit 70% or at least close to it at every level. Rico's last 70% was at First level. I hope TC won't follow that pattern.

Rico and I at Fourth Level

TC and I schooling Second Level

 More Fun

I said it a long time ago and couldn't really believe it... TC is way way way more fun to ride than Rico. WAY MORE FUN.

I can have more fun on TC just trotting and cantering on a 20 meter circle than I ever had riding canter pirouettes or half pass on Rico (I will say that Rico's tempis, piaffe, and passage will forever be the most fun thing ever, sorry TC).

Don't get me wrong, I like to think I redeemed myself even a
little bit on him.

And he became very fun to ride in the end.

I sometimes feel a lot of guilt in the way that I rode Rico from First through Fourth. I feel like he is the one who felt my learning the most. I look back at my trainer choices and wonder why I didn't think something was wrong with the way I was told to ride him... pull on his mouth to soften him; if he's fighting you, you know you're doing it right; kick him forward with the spurs when he gets behind you.

It was never about... why isn't he feeling soft in the mouth, is it because you're asking him to come rounder than he's physically capable of right now? Why is he fighting you, is it because you're blocking him from doing what you're asking? Why isn't he forward, is it because you put a curb bit in his mouth and keep pulling on it?

Now I ask these questions... Why is TC not even in the contact and how can I get him to be more even? The answer isn't to pull on one rein and *soften* him on it. Why is TC not able to do his LR change clean and how can I address it? The answer is not to keep drilling it. Why is TC unable to turn left? The answer has precisely nothing to do with him.

Rico's retirement is pretty amazing so I don't feel as sorry for
him, I still feel a little sorry for him though

I'm so grateful for all that I learned over the last several years, it has made me a better rider. And the guilt I feel about riding Rico the way I did... I'm sure I'll feel guilty riding TC the way I am now later on when I learn more. And as for Rico, I think he's doing okay.

Tone at the Bottom

Finally on Thursday I had a normal ride on TC, it was so fun! I'm not sure what got into him this week but I think he just needed to get it out of his system with a lot of cantering on Wednesday. Who knows.

I could tell TC was feeling quiet when I was able to do the girth up almost all the way upon walking out of the barn. I hopped on him at the mounting block at the top of the arena and walked down through the stream each way before going into the covered arena. This time, there was only one semi-private lesson going on and one person hacking. Two lessons is a bit tough to navigate around, but one is super doable, especially when TC is all chill like.

It was nice to have a break in the rain!

We finally got to warm up on a longer rein, getting him to stretch over his back. My main concern recently is the corkscrew of course, and I could really feel it tracking right. Not only does it feel like we're falling over the right shoulder, in the stretch, he wants to curl and get too light in it. Clearly he doesn't feel comfortable stretching over his back and into the bridle evenly in that direction.

After stretching, I played with a few figure-8s and spiraling in and out. This was mostly focusing on the corkscrew, which I think I've talked about a lot. But I feel like we're making decent progress with it.

I've been thinking a lot about where he is at, and Thursday I focused more on where I was at. I am at the root of the problem of course. So I thought about engaging my right upper inner thigh, my left oblique, drawing my left thigh off of him, putting my left calf on him, lifting with my right calf, and just thinking about being more present on the right side of his body. We had some amazing work to the left, where I felt like I could really get my left calf on him to engage his left hind leg. And we could turn! And his trot got loftier! Magic.

From there, I went sitting and worked on transitions. I think if Tanya had one main complaint about us, it's that our transitions are the fucking worst. I'm not sure what it is about this horse and changing gaits, but it's an ordeal for him. It's either very abrupt and off the bit, or it takes forever but he stays round. The trot to walk is probably the worst, but trot to canter and walk to canter are also questionable.

Wandering after the crazy rainstorm on Wednesday

I think part of it has to do with me losing tone in transitions, something I've also been accused of doing at the bottom of push-ups and squats. Hrm. The other part I think is me overriding it and overthinking it. So I focused on maintaining my tone (especially in that damn left oblique which continues to plague me) and not letting him drop into walk by dropping my calf off of him and clamping with my thigh. It made a huge difference!


I took that into the canter work and did a little spiral in and out before playing with a couple of canter to walk transitions. He's pretty good at these, though I do feel like there's still a bit of a black box moment where there's some vacancy in his rideability in the transition. So like I'll ride him in the canter I want him to ride in, and sometimes the transition is amazing. Other times... it's still clean in that there are no trot steps and balanced in that he doesn't transition into a less balanced walk or anything, but the throughness could be better. It's a 6.5 rather than an 8. We can do 8, so let's do 8.

But I constantly have this realization in this transition that he doesn't need to do a million of them to get them good, he knows how to do them right, what he needs is to get really comfortable in the collected canter, in the really accessible place. THAT is the issue with this transition, it has nothing to do with the transition and everything to do with the canter.

Lots of water but it drains well

We ended with even more stretching, where he was way better in it to the right. I was glad to see that!

Today I head to Sacramento for the day, so TC gets the day off (and shoes!) and then I'll be back on him for the weekend. I have an email into a new trainer about riding with her on Monday, but that might not happen, we'll see.

I think TC and I are hanging in there without lessons, but I am eager to get another lesson just because I like them!

Holding It Together

Wednesday's ride was better but still not completely back to normal. TC was quieter in the cross ties, I could legit get my girth tight enough to ride him in what I consider a normal amount of time to tighten it, and he walked quietly down to the arena with all of his feet landing in the correct rhythm and on the ground itself.

He was still a bit on edge riding him, I think he's still adjusting to such a busy training barn. And even busy to describe the arena on Wednesday is laughable. There were four people, two in a lesson at one end, one in a lesson at the other (there wasn't much space in between), and one person riding around the private lesson. Still, it had him a little amped.

Walked through this little stream a few times

I started trotting him around in the ugly carriage trot that he handed me the day before too, and eventually I just cantered him. Around and around we went on the circle until he started to wear himself out a bit.

I had a funny conversation with the other rider riding on her own. She said "he looks so fat and lazy, I didn't realize he would be like this" and I explained that he's normally way quieter than this, that he's been having a rough week with the weather, but that yes, he can be quite buzzy. She told me that it looked like I had really strong abs, which was such a nice compliment (I think). He does take a lot of stabilization and without crossfit this year, I'd have probably already come off of him this winter. It made me feel good (and then bad because I haven't found a crossfit here yet ugh).

He did calm down though and we had some really great work.

His trot in that arena feels especially amazing, he loves the footing I think. I was able to ride him in shoulder-fore each way, working to get him to take more weight with his left hind leg and untwist himself. It was tricky to the right, but we got a really good feeling left. I think Tanya and Tracey (whoever I see first) are going to both think I'm riding him too over the ground. But to be honest, if he's willing to go from buzzy to loose but maybe a little out behind, I don't care how big his trot gets. I can compress it back to normal later.

Tuesday night my coworkers and I went to this really cool
restaurant that you take a trolley down to!

At the canter, after being kind of a tense mess of a horse, he settled into a right lead canter that I just adore. It's so soft and malleable, like I could put him anywhere. It still feels a biiit precarious, where I need to really make sure that I'm riding first from my seat because I can cause it to come crashing down if I don't. But it feels so good! I can add horse to it without losing him mentally it seems like.

The left lead IS getting better. First of all, the shoulder-fore is helping a ton to straighten him out and get him more steerable that way. I feel like I can really ride the outside of him and draw him in with my left thigh. It's definitely not yet the same quality of the canter to the right, as it's even more precarious, but it is getting so much more rideable.

No fucks given about water on the GROUND,
just when it falls from the sky

We actually got to end with some stretchy trot, which was so nice! Given that this has been a hard week for him, getting to feel him take a breath and stretch down was great. Hopefully today he's 100% back to normal but we'll see, the storm may make him really nervous. I'm thinking of bringing a rain sheet out to see if he wants to wear that as I'm wondering if he's afraid of his stall so doesn't want to stay in there when it's raining, he's always quite wet when I come to see him at this barn.

Born in the Long Summer

I always joke that TC is a Game of Thrones character in the winter. Every single winter it's like he's never seen any weather outside of 75+ degrees and sunny. This winter, he has been WAY BETTER than he's ever been. Last winter I was nervous about being nervous. This winter, I'm only nervous about... being stupid. As in, getting on the horse because I think I can sit anything he gives me and then realizing I can't when I hit the dirt. 

Um, my saddle normally comes way further down

Tuesday was one of those days where I worry about being stupid.

On Sunday, he was great! We worked hard, did some changes, and the only silliness was him getting a bit zippy about a horse in turnout galloping around. He's just not yet used to the turnouts being so close to the arena and for the most part, he's totally okay about it, but every now and then he'll kind of shake his head or scoot for a step or two. It's really very manageable and barely registers.

He got Monday off, and we went for a walk between the turnouts. The weather was changing and the horses were all nuts in turnout, so TC thought he might do his walk on his hind legs. I told him that this wasn't a good plan for him (it would involve a lot of backing up, which is harder to do on one's hind legs), and he came back down and relaxed about it. Again, super proud of him. Eliminating these kinds of responses take time, and the first step for him has been to be able to get him back mentally.

So Tuesday I got to him and I could sense that he was on edge. More so than he's been in a long time. He refused to come in the barn, was immediately scared of all the tack trunks (he's normally just very skeptical of the tack trunks). He was kind of snorting, but like... only breathing in.

Once I convinced him to get in the cross ties, he stood stock still on his tip toes, a line under his belly (engaging his abs) and a visible hump in his back. He was kind of wet, so I towel dried him a bit, which he normally doesn't care about. This time he was spooking away from the towel.

Way way way more relaxed on Sunday

I put the saddle on (really, Megan? why even bother?) and I could not get his girth on. I normally start at hole 2 on each side, which is quite loose, then work my way up to hole 4 and 5. I finally managed to get it on by putting it down to hole 1 and he stood there horrified, with a gap under the back of the saddle that is not normally there.

I bridled him and we managed to walk down to the covered arena, his front feet only just making contact with the ground. Once we were inside, I tried tightening his girth, no dice.

So we did ground work, lots of backing up, head shaking, being told not to bite me, and trying to corral him as he flung himself around me at times.


When I finally FINALLY managed to get the girth tightened almost to normal, I thought it might not bee the worst idea to ride him through it. So I went over to the mounting block. There are two kinds of standing still (maybe there are more): the polite kind and the crazy kind. This was the crazy kind. He stood stock still, kind of shivering here and there, but it wasn't cold.

Uh... so I had him walk around the mounting block, moved him away, toward, backwards, forwards. Smacked the saddle, his neck, his butt, shook the reins at him. Reflected that just two days ago I was schooling the flying changes on him, laughed, told him off for yanking me off the mounting block, and repeated until I felt like he would stand still in the good way, for me to get on.

He seemed to be more relaxed by my antics. Maybe he needs me to be crazier than the weather (it was lightly sprinkling) in order for him to chill out. Or maybe he was getting tired, I was. I grabbed mane and swung my leg over. He walked off. You know that feeling where you're like "heh, I'm not going to move my leg to put it in my stirrup juuuust yet" yeah so I walked around for a bit with one foot in the stirrup before slowly easing the other one into the stirrup.

A bit alive on Monday but only a bit

He does frequently come out with a hump in his back, so I did what I always do, smashed my seat bones into it and then clamped my thigh on. He started to slowly deflate, but not fast enough. He started trotting, which I also felt was a good idea. And off we went.

It was obviously the worst ride we've had in a long time, which was apparent from me going to get him in his paddock and finding him looking like he had seen a ghost (not the ghost of christmas past, which would probably show him that being crazy in the winter only delays him from his luxurious life being owned by an amateur).

Why I didn't leave him in the paddock, I don't know. Or just do ground work, or longe him (well, the longeing arena doesn't have great footing). Maybe I just wanted to see if I could get him back from the brink like this. It's not often that he comes out like this AND I'm up for risking an ejection, so I should take advantage of it when I can. He's such a good freaking horse 99% of the time, but every now and then he just loses it. Something puts him over the edge and he can't handle himself.

And I did ride him through it. It wasn't even all that bad. It was mostly a lot of him being all balled up, trotting in quick short steps, refusing to take larger steps unless it was in a fast canter, shaking his neck at me, falling over his shoulders, flinging his knees up, and a rock solid lumbar area. We had a lot of scoots but only two big bolts where he really vacated the area.

Focusing on my biomechanics, riding endless circles, nearly running a trainer over when he got away from me... and I slowly managed to chip away at the tension. Eventually I had him back under me, blowing his nose in a productive way (aka blowing it out instead of just in). We even got some really nice relaxed canter work. I was so proud of him being able to come back from that!

Remember just two days ago when I could ride
him around the property?

But it of course, wasn't a very fun ride. Hopefully today goes way better. What that ride was, was really good progress for his mental training. My main goal this year is to press through the remaining quirks in him and try to get him to be the sort of horse I can put just anyone on. But this ride shows me that he's not quite ready for his ammy just yet, which is okay because I want to keep him for a while, he's my jam.