Train Like a Grand Prix Rider

I had an epiphany a few weeks ago at the gym that really made me think about my riding and especially my teaching differently.

But first: a story. When I was younger, I feel like I always held myself back from putting everything I could into something. I slacked off in school and when I got bad grades, I could tell myself that it was due to me slacking off, not to me being inherently stupid. I didn't work as hard at my riding, so when I failed a rating or didn't place in a show or didn't get the score I wanted, I could say that I just didn't have time to ride or didn't have a nice enough horse or whatever.

When I went to get my HA rating, a lot of people knew I was going for it. And I wanted it so badly. And I had dropped out of school so I was bored intellectually. I poured my heart into studying for it. I studied 10+ hours a day for weeks and months leading up to it (I was just starting to work full time in my business so I wasn't quite at 40 hours a week). And... I got it. I finally started to let myself be a bit more vulnerable, to pour myself into things where I might fail.

This guy makes dreams come true

And I've been really lucky in that everything I've set out to do with my riding career has mostly happened. I have a good reinforcement history with myself. Work hard, you get your A rating. Work hard, you train your horse to Grand Prix and get your Gold. Work hard, your rambunctious young horse calms down and wins all the things.

It kind of snowballs. Earning that HA rating in 2009 gave me the confidence to go get my A rating in 2010 and my Silver medal. Those gave me even more confidence to go attempt my Gold in 2011 on Leo, which gave me a ton of confidence knowing that I was not the limiting factor in being a Grand Prix rider. Getting my Gold on Rico made me double down on my belief in myself and while I had moments of feeling inadequate with TC, this year's show season has brought back my firm belief that if I work hard, great things will happen.

Future dream maker

In Crossfit though, not so much. I mean, I do work hard. I work really hard. But years and years of riding doesn't lend itself to weightlifting and I find myself in the place where a lot of riders find themselves: in a state of mild self sabotage.

I don't think of myself as a strong person. I'm lanky, spent a lot of my youth underweight, and have previous injuries. I know that if I trust my coaches, work hard, and push myself, I will become strong. I know that logically. But I don't feel like I fully embrace it. It seems almost as if it's a small part of my identity to be a bit weak and unfit.

It mostly comes out in my lifts. I overthink things and get nervous when I go for PRs. Early on, I was back squatting 75lbs for the first time since I restarted. I stood there basically freaking out and the things running through my head were like "this is too heavy" and "you're going to fail this lift, so remember how to push it off your back" as I was starting my descent. Sure enough, I failed it. My coach came over and spotted me and I did get it.

But it was frustrating. I knew that the lift failed because of what I had been saying to myself.

I kept going back though. My coach started to realize what was going on. STOP OVERTHINKING THIS MEGAN he'd yell at me when I stood there getting ready for a lift. It happened in all of them. I'd sit there thinking "I've not yet put this much weight overhead/picked this much weight up/etc" and "what if I get hurt doing this?" and "what if I fail?" and it's just ridiculous.

Man he is a cool horse

About a month ago, we were doing 1-1-1 (climbing at 80%, 85%, 90% of 1RM) back squats. I was not planning on PRing, I had just PR'd a few weeks ago and I had been very nervous then. I told myself whatever, just have a good time and don't push for a PR.

I started at 75lbs, then 85lbs. I realized I hadn't grabbed 2.5s to get to 90lbs so I just put the 5s back on for 95lbs without even thinking about it. I cleared my mind and just fucking did it. And it was easy. Like way easy. Like I wish I had grabbed those 2.5s so I could get to 100lbs that day (I did it easily a week later).

I told my coach that I had PR'd and he gave me a high five. I said that I wasn't nervous that time, it was my first PR I hadn't freaked out about going into. And he said that's because I've been coming every day for a while now. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trusting myself more.

I realized that being in my head was a form of self sabotage, of self fulfilling prophecy. I see myself as someone who is not physically strong, and even now I feel weird posting about CrossFit stuff on the blog because I'm at such a low level.

Future gold medalist, just didn't know it yet

So after having that epiphany at the gym, I went to my riding and I asked myself. In what ways are my thoughts perhaps sabotaging the progress I'm making with TC. Are there any moments where I am low key holding myself or him back.

And there totally are! They aren't as pronounced, since again I have such a good reinforcement history, but they are there. I wonder if his breeding will hold him back from the collection, I worry about his hocks, about his suspensory. Lots of little things I can mostly turn off.

But it made me think about my riders. What are they telling themselves that may be detrimental. Do they treat themselves and their horses like future Third level, Prix St George, or Grand Prix competitors, or do they classify themselves as lower level riders on lower level horses?

Even just a small truth, such as me feeling like I am not a strong person or that TC is not good enough, can snowball into self sabotage/self-fulfilling prophecy. And from now on, I'm going to be more aware of the thoughts that run through my head both in Crossfit and in riding.