Cleaning Up a Few Things

Yesterday TC was back to normal and we've got two and a half weeks before our next show. I'm feeling... apprehensive about it. TC is more than ready for First level. Hell, if I didn't care about keeping his record relatively sparkly (though that's not guaranteed even if I do hold him back), he'd be ready for Second.

We are schooling half steps, all the lateral work, counter canter, and I'm absolutely drilling the canter work to prepare for changes soonish (depends on the show schedule, I like to take time off of showing for changes). He's figuring all his shit out and is stepping up to the plate when things get tough. So what's the apprehension from?

At our last few shows, TC was sticky at the canter in the show ring. He absolutely does not feel sticky at home. I can't even replicate it. Sometimes we're cantering around at home and I feel like we're only a year away from PSG (we're not). Then we get in the show ring and he's stacked up in the neck and behind my leg, which leads to bucking and breaks. 

Warming up, he's great. At the last show I wanted to address it, so I zipped him off my leg at the canter in warm up. That lead to this:

He can be such a dork

But he was still a bit behind me. 

I think there are a few possibilities to explain why I struggled at those shows. 

FIRST I have to blame myself, right? Unless the rider tells them it's different, to horses, the show ring is just another arena. We test ride all the time at home. He's seen courts and judge's booths and letters before. Somehow I'm changing my riding in the show ring vs at home and in warm up. I think part of this is from Rico. 

It's probably not news that the FEI levels are HARD and Rico needed all the help he could get from me to get through those tests. That coupled with being behind my leg by default meant that I got used to taking over in the show ring and hoisting him through some movements. Obviously we worked at home to get him capable of everything, but I was not about to let him drop out in a pirouette or halt in the piaffe (not that I was the best at always preventing that from happening lol). 

So then now I get on TC and I basically ride with too much leg/spur in the show ring. It's a bit of a chicken and egg scenario, where he feels a little behind my leg, I get my leg on to keep him forward, and then he slows down. I tried really hard at our last show to prevent that cycle from starting, even cantering real big down the long side before the test, but it still showed up. Gah. 

So. Much. Leg. Required. 

I also have to address right away that we have shown ONLY at places TC has been this year. He was a nut at the WHP, not behind my leg at all, but honestly I'd rather him be a little sticky than running away with me. At GG, he was quite good, and I did notice that he was behind my leg at the canter, but he also was running away with me a lot at that point so I was cool with it. Then we've been at my trainer's barn four times for shows. It could be that he's just too quiet there. I don't know why he'd be quieter there than at home, but he does REALLY like that barn. Hopefully I'll grab a lesson there at some point and we'll figure it out. 

Stupidly, it could be that he feels the tugging on his neck with braids and he hates that so retracts it and gets behind my leg. I think that's dumb since he's usually pretty good in warm up, but it could be that he gets worse about it over time. So maybe some braiding will be in our future at home. 

It could be just that TC needs more strength. The stress of traveling and being at a horse show (and having to deal with my nerves, though they aren't so bad anymore) might be enough to get him a bit tired, even though I don't do a lot of warm up... We're already addressing this, TC is so so so much stronger now than he was at his last show. 

Calm yourself, dude (he's put on SO MUCH MUSCLE, he looks
so little here)

I guess it could be about changing arenas. A silver lining of the rehab TC did was that we did a lot of this though. We went from the round pen to the covered for months. Even now I ride at times where the guys come in to drag, so sometimes our rides are stretched over two or even three arenas. So it seems unlikely but I'll for sure be doing some practice with that too. 

What I'd tell my students is that it's probably just an amplification thing. You just simply aren't going to have 100% of what you get at home in the show ring. Nope. That's why we school a level above. That's why we make sure we have horses that are fitter than we theoretically need. You'll get 80% at best. I think that in the beginning of the show career for a horse, it's less. As they age, it hopefully becomes more. Rico always gave me more than 80% in the show ring. TC... gives me much less. The show ring amplifies problems, so it could be that TC is always a little behind my leg at the canter and that the show ring makes that worse. 

This is hard for me because let me tell you, when he's in his forward working canter, he scares the hell out of me. It's simply that he feels freakishly powerful. His canter is HUGE. Like I can't explain it. He has so much movement under him but he's sensitive, so it takes a lot of balls to get that powerful canter without accidentally aiding for something terrible. As he gains more strength and experience, I am getting a lot more comfortable with it. But it will just take time for both of us. Time for me to feel braver about really going for a big bold canter. Time for him to walk the line of positive tension without leaping down into the valley of despair, tightening his back, grabbing the bit, and getting out of town. 

Whatever, just glad to show my pony

All in all this is just life with a young horse. It will take him time to be reliable in the show ring. This is why, as entries are coming to a close this weekend, I am going to keep it simple and sign up for a Training level class each day. If the first day goes TERRIBLE, I can scratch at least my First level class on the second day and finish up my training level certificate. 

While I'd love to cram in an entire level this fall to grab my 1-3 score for a freestyle and not have to show First next year, I think I care more about fixing this problem first. And the 1-3 canter work is hell with a sticky horse. So this fall our goal will be to fix the canter problems in the show ring, and then in spring we'll grab that score. Plus I mean, we need to do All Breeds at First next year, so I can't just skip through the level, gotta ride it at least eight times!

Not a Setback

I spoke once on this blog about fear, and I have never tried to hide that I suffer from fear at times in my riding. I ran into someone recently who expressed surprise that you could be an upper level rider and have fear issues. Yep. Probably less likely to happen if you're an upper level eventer. But at least for me, totally possible. 

He's actually just a beach ball 

I mentioned in my post about Sunday's ride that I was a bit concerned about my ability to stay on if he did something because I was so sleep deprived. After getting nine hours of sleep on Sunday night (and being on east coast time so still able to wake up early! Love coming west!), I headed out to the barn rather confidently on Monday morning. 

But that confidence went down a bit when I was leading TC out of his paddock and he leapt into the air. It went down further when all the horses around the barn started galloping around for breakfast. It went down even more when TC tried to join in with them when I got on him. And even further down when we walked over toward another horse who started exploding and TC became completely rigid. 

So cue nervousness that I haven't felt on him in a while. If that was a couple weeks ago, before I was away and before he had a week off, I would have probably just kicked him up and told him to get over it. Whatever, it's colder outside in the mornings because it's now fall. He can be an intimidating horse because he's not a little guy and he's pretty powerful (no one teach him how to buck please), but I feel confident that I can sit anything he throws me. 

Fear is weird, some days I will ride him on a loose
rein on the trails and then there are days like Monday

I went to give myself a hard time and make myself ride through it, but then I remembered earlier this year when I was going through a lot worse with him. I had a rule. Do not be on the horse unless you are confident. I was not confident. I got off.

I could have immediately taken this as a major major setback. I had just gotten off my horse because I was nervous for the first time in like... seven months?

But no, because thinking that it was a setback would for SURE make it a setback. I saw it all the time when I was teaching. People get nervous, then they get upset about being nervous, and turn it into a big deal. No. I like treating nerves like any other part of riding. I have a rogue left hand when I'm not paying attention, I have a tendency to get my knee over my block when horses get behind my leg, and I have some nerves that come out sometimes. It'd be stupid to think that my left hand coming to the inside of the ring was a major setback and that I should be ashamed of myself, it's just another part of my riding that could use some work. 

Knee coming over block and horse still struggling to left with
a slight lateral canter = harder work, not emotional response

We went into the round pen and I told myself, no big deal, longe until you feel comfortable. Then get on and ride in the round pen until you feel bored, then take him back in. 

So I longed him and worked on ground work until he was happily working (and the horses had been fed), then I got on. I was immediately bored. I still made myself trot around a bit. He was a little slow to my leg, which was fine (and actually desirable after he was such a nut). He was super well connected and steady. Everything felt great, quiet, but great. 

I looked out to the nearby arena and decided to go trot in there. Same rules apply: if I can't give him a confident ride, I go back in the round pen. I got in there and we trotted to the right first, our strong side. We stayed on a large circle at one end. Everything felt great. We cantered. It wasn't very good, but it was cantering! 

By the end of the ride, we were doing our loop on a loose rein and I started thinking about the differences in how I approached fear in myself now versus fear earlier this year. 

So much ground work this last winter (also he was
so dark a year ago)

Earlier this year I would have blamed myself for not being brave enough to ride my own horse, I would have used my Gold medal as a way to shame me into riding him through stuff that I didn't want to ride through, I would have felt horrible after a bad ride. Instead, this year, I told myself that it's okay to lose confidence after not riding for a while and that we were just going to start over. It doesn't matter how experienced you are, fear doesn't discriminate. And sure, experience helps with fear, but it can still come back. 

Dealing with it this way makes me feel excited to ride today and push a little further. If we take a week to recover from a week off, who cares? But if I had a bad ride that first day back when I was scared? And if I had dwelled on how bad it is that I'm fearful and an experienced rider? It'd definitely be taking longer than a week! As always, go slow to go fast. 

Except... is it time to put changes on yet? No? Ugh. Okay. Go slow to go fast.

Back to Work

I spent the last week wandering around the east coast. I finally got home yesterday from Virginia (where I was for like 18 hours and it was an adventure lol) and I immediately wanted to go to the barn. Well, actually I wanted to nap. Because I got 4 hours of sleep the night before. It was kind of a shitty day all over, I was sleep deprived and finding stupid shit to get stressed about (like being on the plane thinking that bf didn't text me back and then realizing that he... can't... I'm on a plane. I also had a panic moment about TC's flying changes, which we are not working on, for no reason at all).

NO. I kept waking up feeling like my
alarm wasn't going to go off, ugh

On the way to the barn I stopped at my favorite boba place. Caffeine + boba + food that isn't fried? Hell yes. I'm getting tacos soon too. A week is too long to go without my staples. But I walked up to the door and they were CLOSED.

THIS IS NOT OKAY.

An hour later I had found an open tea place, taken a quick shower to get the cigarette smoke off of me from the night before, and was driving out to the barn.

I got on TC and immediately was nervous. He was super spooky. Normally his spooks don't bug me at all, but without riding for a week and being so so so so tired, I did two short laps around the ranch, then went to get his longeing stuff.

We got into the round pen and sure enough, as always when I give him a week off, TC was short on his left hind. I think I'm going to call chiro-vet out and talk to her about that. But TC just stretched himself out, slowly took bigger and bigger steps, and was totally sound within about five or ten minutes. I mean honestly I was quite lame when I got off of him to longe even because my hips get tight when I don't ride.

He will trot around like this all day long... but yah a little short
on the left hind at first, still, good stretchy pony

Then he picks himself up when he's ready and he's a lot looser

Once as he was properly warmed up, he took the time to gallop wildly away from a lady pushing a wheelbarrow that he's seen a million times. As I was reeling him in, trying to keep him out of the deep footing, the lady starts yelling to me, asking me if she spooked him. In my crazy state I was like "um I mean yeah but he's had a week off so he's a nut" and then thought that like... why does it matter if she spooked him unless she had a time machine to go back and not spook him? My horse spooks at shit. Granted, she's a midday rider and I'm a morning rider, so she probably doesn't see him very much.

The cool thing about longeing was seeing how he's going. I mean he had a week off so theoretically wasn't moving as well, but he looked pretty good! His canter has changed so much, he was a touch mechanical, but I could see how he was really starting to be able to sit down in the canter and elevate the front end.

He basically plods around stretching at the trot on the longe, but he got all sassy at one point and showed me a fancier trot. That and then walking him around the ranch as he snorted at stuff made me feel like I had one of those super fancy dressage horses, rather than a dork.

So today hopefully he'll be feeling more normal. Even if he isn't, I'll be feeling back to normal and I mean, nothing he offered yesterday was all that bad. This was our most intense moment (other than the wheelbarrow bolt)...

Coiling up for the BIGGEST BUCK EVER

Wait for it...

Nah

You be you, TC, never change. Please. Do not learn how to buck (I mean he can and does buck a liiiiitle bigger but this is a signature move when he's squirmy).

Things TC is Afraid Of

I once wrote a list of things that TC made me hate. It was in the first few months of having him home from rehab where I was still getting used to having my horse back.

Since fully accepting that a) TC is just a spooky horse that needs a confident rider, b) he is GOING to bolt sometimes but less often when I don't sit there anticipating it, and c) I can sit anything he gives me (within reason, please don't take this as a personal challenge, TC), I've hated a lot less things from TC's back. The book I keep talking about puts it really plainly: TC will habituate to things over time.

And it's true! Since switching the way I deal with his spooks by NOT changing anything I'm doing (mostly) and instead simply ignoring him, TC's confidence has soared (almost like not being agreed with that his fear is justified has made him realize that spooking at stupid shit is stupid) has surprised me in many ways.

Most recently, I was chatting with a friend and two cats got into a yowling fight right next to TC. They then scattered and one ran under TC's belly and one ran behind his hind legs. TC completely and utterly ignored the cats and continued to beg my friend for love.

The day he passed his vet check and I was sure I was going to
buy him, obviously he has to be really annoying as I take a picture
of "my" new horse

That's not to say that the very next day we didn't totally run away from... wind. So we're kind of in a funny place where TC is gaining confidence about spooky things at different rates. Cats fighting under your belly? Totally fine. Wind rustling in a tree you walk by every day? Completely horrifying. So I've compiled a couple new lists for TC.

Things that scare TC:
- The trail behind the riding school (other trails are okay)
- Bird shadows
- Walking out of or into a center aisle barn
- The saddle rack by the English barn that has been there for years
- The mats by the tractor (but not the tractor) that have been there for years
- Sprinklers that he can see go on every day from his paddock
- Trees rustling in the wind, but only some trees and only from some angles
- The time he thought a tired bull dog had contracted the plague and was going to give it to him

Things that do not scare TC

- Cats running under his legs

- Cats climbing trees right near the arena 

- The resident chicken having a dust bath

- The resident chicken chasing pigeons across the arena in front of him

- A tractor driving up behind him

- Sudden, unexpected Halloween decorations blowing in the wind (trees not okay, halloween decorations fine??)

- Bicycles zipping by him

- Strollers

- Beach ball polo being played near him (to the point of him being whacked in the leg with the ball)

I dunno I just really sometimes think that my horse doesn’t make sense. 

Dichotomous

Friday morning I went out to ride TC and when I got out of my car I knew we were going to have a questionable day. The guys have been watering the covered arena right as I get to the barn and not dragging it until most of the way through my rides. That’s totally fine because I don’t NEED the covered, but it would have been nice to have it on a morning like Friday when it was super windy and the only arena available was lined with trees that TC is pretty sure house the worst kind of birds (but is fine passing the trees when we’re on the other side of them).

Pictured: trees that are not offensive on this side of them, but are
if you are in the arena next to them

 My main goal after a harder ride on Thursday was to work on the throughness and lightness at the canter. TC is quite good about his canter work now, but he still needs a fair amount of support from my seat. In order to get him to be a little more comfortable with me being less involved, I’ve been asking for a less collected canter and being a little less structured and a little more following. Part of this is just amateur proofing him- I want anyone to be able to quietly canter him even if their seats aren’t as educated- and part of this is wanting to make sure that he isn’t always having to collect to the full amount every day, which will help his work ethic and his strength building.

But unfortunately the wind made TC nutty so the only canter I could get was either running away from me or was me being more involved than I had wanted to, supporting him with my seat. Whatever, sometimes rides don’t go according to plan. So we cantered for a long time.

Obnoxious

We worked mostly on just the quality of the collection and riding smaller figures. We did a few simple changes but nothing too exciting. The main issue with his simple changes is his strength anyway, so more collected canter wasn’t going to hurt with that. Plus with him being so reactive, I didn’t want to accidentally have him bolt out of the walk. For the most part we’ve avoided bolts in walk and I don’t want to show him how much fun that is.

The collected canter is feeling GREAT by the way. He can feel a bit stabby in the front end as he’s doing it, which is a baroque thing to do. He’s sort of figured out how to slap his front legs down a bit when he gets tense. So I worked to slow the tempo down and sit in a way that kept him on his hind legs a little longer. I can definitely control the amount of prongyness  so I need to keep an eye on that.

We did a lot of spiraling in and out, which is helpful because he sometimes doesn’t believe he can canter ten meter circles. Spiraling in allows me to feel when and how the canter starts to break down, and then I can stay on that size circle, address the problem, then spiral out again, then back in and try to avoid the problems.

Generally other than bolting pretty hard a couple of times, the ride was super fun. I don’t like the bolting, but when the horse then just gives me a collected canter that Rico didn’t have until he was at Fourth level, I mean, no complaints.

Dear TC, please canter like this from now on, thanks

Saturday’s ride though, was AMAZING in comparison. I actually did get the fun stretchy ride I had wanted out of him. We drilled the basics, including spiraling in and out at the trot, riding large versions of the 1-1 ice cream cones, riding the 2-1 shoulder-in pattern with a focus on being less drunk, and I finally got to work on the throughness at the canter.

He got a little scared randomly of something behind him. It wasn’t the giant trailer that passed us on the road, nor the bicycles, nor the tractor going through the orchard across the street. It was… nothing. Weird. Horse is very strange. 

But for the most part, we enjoyed an antics-free ride. I think the antics will be coming back more now that he's fit and we're coming into winter, but at this point they don't bother me that much. I am glad for all the good rides we get, but I feel like I can pretty much turn any bad ride into a decent ride. So that's good! Still though, TC, not a good reason to be obnoxious. 

A Year Later

This isn't a horse post, it's a work post! It's been one year since I started working at my current job, which is cool.

Other than horse jobs, I haven't stayed at a full time job for a year. My previous job I left after nine terrible months, and every other job before that was a fleeting grad school job. I love my current job. Sure, there's some stuff I could complain about (like how when we went to negotiate cost of living raises, they refuse to look at how much the cost of living has increased in the area around the school and basically told us that we weren't getting a true cost of living increase...), but there's a reason why I stay.

My commute over the mountain

 I love my coworkers, who are all hilarious and fun to talk to. Three of us have the same educational background, so it's fun to talk about psychology with them. The other two have statistics backgrounds, so I like talking to them too. We have Beer Thursdays sometimes and are always giving our boss a hard time about how we need to have our staff meetings at the bar at 4pm on Fridays, or at 11am any day but at the local restaurant that makes delicious breakfast burritos if you get in before noon.

I love the school itself, and the grant I'm working on. Despite not knowing what to do if I ever interacted with a student (like the one I stood in line behind at the coffee shack who kept saying things like "bruh" and "suss"), I love that the school really sets out to give opportunities to students who normally wouldn't have them. I love that my grant really addresses the technological divide between faculty and students. Did you know that a lot of low income students don't have computers or internet at home but do have smartphones? Lots of them write their papers on their phones, turn in assignments from their phones, read text books and articles on their phones. Can you say mobile friendly websites? Many faculty certainly can't.

Though I work near the beach, I've been there maybe twice since
starting work, oops

I love how much I can push my schedule for my horse. They know I commute like mad and have a horse, so they're fine if I come in early and leave early, or come in late and stay late. Over the summer, I can do the latter when no one is in school so the traffic isn't bad. But these days I don't get in until 10:30 or so. Obviously I'll be there early if I have to, but it's really nice to be able to push the schedule around.

So glad I've been here a year! I don't know what the next year will hold for me career-wise, but for now, I'm pretty happy! And so is TC, since he does like it when I spend the money I make at my job on him.

2017 Q3 Goals Review and Q4 Goals

I can't believe how much has changed in the last six months. Even in the last three months a LOT has gone down. Time to look at the goals I set (and promptly forgot about) in July!

Major goal: show at a rated show, checckkkkk

2017 Q3 goals (July, August, September)

TC
- stay sound and sane
CHECK, though he might question the sanity of his rider when I don't get on board with him running away from wind

- get off the property as much as possible
CHECK, we went off the property a LOT, including to a few new barns!

- take a few lessons and maybe a clinic
CHECK (Tracey and Jeremy, I guess that's just two lessons... but you know, money)

- show at a rated show!
CHECK, showed at four of them (hahaha fuck money win $2 ribbons)

- earn above a 65% at Training 2 or above to get our Bronze Elite FSA thing
CHECK, all scores were above 65 actually and I got his new paperwork in the mail recently, yay, will share when I'm home

- break into the 70s at Training level
CHECK! I think we had 5 or 6 scores in the 70s?

- possibly show First level?
Not yet, this fall I have plans to show at least once at First

- trail ride more, possibly to the beach or at a few different facilities
CHECK, not as many trail rides as I wanted (and no beach trip) though

- continue to improve the connection, getting his nose out
So good, he's feeling really good in the connection, I really don't think about it much anymore, but I probably should

- continue to improve the engagement and collection at trot
Yep! His trot feels amazing most of the time

- continue to improve throughness at the canter, especially in transitions
So much better but we still have some moments where he loses throughness (esp in transitions)

- continue to improve the collection in canter
It's SO MUCH BETTER, the other day he gave me a collected canter that rivaled Rico's at like 4th (he was being REALLY bad lol so he worked hard)

- work on the leg yields, esp straightness and staying up to the right rein
Yep! These... wait for it... actually improve the gait now

- work on the counter canter loops
Went above and beyond this and put counter canter on in general, his loops are perfect

- work on the lengthened trot
Definitely worked on it, it's quite good when I don't treat him like a GP horse and shoot him across the diagonal with no support

- work on the lengthened canter
Definitely worked on it, still need better straightness

- work on the trot changes
They could be better through but they're pretty good

The most perfect

- work on the simple changes
They are fine and clean but I want them to be so much better

- work on the shoulder-in
It's great!

- work on the haunches-in/renvers
Still a work in progress, but much better than they were

- work on the half pass
The canter is better than the trot (??) but definitely worked on both!

- perfect the stretch circle
It's as perfect as it's going to be I think! I mostly just check on it rather than work on it

- work on the walk pirouettes
Definitely need work still but they're happening and he's surprisingly good at the mechanic, need more engagement and activity though


My Riding
- continue to work on the sitting trot, add it into work regularly
could be better about this, I sometimes do entire rides sitting and other times can barely sit it. I haven't figured out why that is yet

- keep working to get my left hand forward and connect my right rein so I stop pulling him off balance
This is getting a lot better, I still really struggle to the left but it's not something I dread like I used to



Msc
- teach more
Not a much as I would have liked but I got to teach maybe twelve lessons this quarter and all of them were super fun

- try to convince boss to let me do a WFH day a week
Still working on this but progress has been made in other ways...

- if that happens, work on getting a gym schedule down
Not yet :(

Goal #1: have fun with the horse

Onto next quarter! I'm planning on giving TC some of the winter off. I'm not sure when that will start or when it will end. So I'm going to plan goals based on the assumption that he won't get time off until January. We'll see though. Might have to cut these short.

2017 Q4 Goals Review 

TC
- stay sane and sound
- trail ride again before winter hits
- take more lessons before winter hits
- test ride a lot before winter hits
- do two more Training level tests to get our Training level certificate
- show at First level
- score over 65% at First
- score over 70% at First? (there are only a few more shows left)
- earn a 60%+ at First 3 so that we can work on a freestyle (such a pipe dream, I don't have plans to enter it so...)
- work on developing the medium trot
- work on developing the medium canter
- improve the leg yield zig zag
- improve the half pass in trot
- improve the half pass in canter
- perfect the 2-1 trot pattern (sh-in to sh-in across the middle)
- improve the simple changes
- improve the half steps
- touch on the flying changes again
- perfect the counter canter
- improve the simple change out of counter canter
- perfect the walk pirouettes (or at least the TOH)
- pipe dream: win all breeds at Training level for FSA
- handle time off well (clicker training some tricks yay)

My Riding
- keep working on putting the sitting trot in more often
- work on sitting the medium trot
- start incorporating without stirrup work, like when it's warm and he's not bolty
- keep working on the left side so that it gets easy

Msc
- teach more
- handle Big Life Event without freaking out too much (details to come)
- don't be too sarcastic with TSA agents
- sleep more so I don't get sick with the death cold again
- finish the pix in parks challenge (1 or 2 more hikes to go, so close!)