Mary Wanless Workshop: The Non Emotions

This year I had way less emotions about the clinic! It was still a lot. But instead of being kicked by Mary for 8 hours a day the whole time, Mary was just kind of kicking sand on the sandcastle I was building. Like yeah, I need that sand, but you could stop kicking at me real quick so I can organize all the sand you're kicking my way. Also some of it is getting into my eyes.

Disclaimer: Mary Wanless did not kick sand on my sandcastle.

I think there are a few reasons why I didn't have as many emotions as last year.

1) I knew what to expect

Having been through the clinic before, I knew roughly what was going down. I had been teaching it all year, riding like it all year, and thinking about it all year. Being prepared like that really helped me!

There were overlapping concepts during the clinic that I had already heard from last year, so I was able to take mental breaks like "I know this stuff, phew!"

Unfortunately this dog, or the sun, was not at the clinic this year

2) Riding during the clinic is bad

Every morning last year I would ride beforehand, which meant that I was thinking so so much about all these changes and trying to make them at 7am before getting in the car and driving to the clinic. As much as TC was a complete dingbat as I was trying to get my right edge on him on Monday, I'm glad that I had a horse-free weekend to just think about everything. The most life changing thing for my riding of TC was said at the end of the day on Sunday.


3) I had way more Mary-validation and way less non-Mary-validation

As I wrote about in a previous post this week, it's hard to sell to riders who have been successful already without good biomechanics and it's hard to see that Grand Prix isn't really where things end but rather where things begin. I went into the clinic feeling pretty good about how far I'd gotten, pretty confident in myself and my riding, I wanted to build upon what I already knew.

Instead, I got my house of cards flattened pretty much immediately, and then people kept stepping on them while I was trying to rebuild them. Instead of building upon my previous framework, I had my framework destroyed and rebuilt. I got to the end of the clinic feeling raw and remembering the beautiful house of cards I had built that sure, had some issues with large gusts of wind, but was generally very nice. Where it stood was now a sturdy foundation of concrete... but that was it.

Over the year, I built the house again, this time in a very different way. And this clinic was all about how to do some of the plumbing for a fancier bathroom rather than how to pour concrete.

I mean I'm not perfect but I am way better than I was

4) I have a way more learning-centric mindset now

I've mostly been the sort of person who wanted to learn more and more and who questioned tradition. I still remember very vividly back in 2009 when I was riding with my previous trainer, asking her to please break down what she meant by "rounder" and being told that I was a fourth level dressage rider and I should be able to put my horse on the bit.

I think I sometimes take for granted the community I am part of. My friends who I am always discussing theory, exercises, books, etc with. My instructors who participate in furthering their education, who don't write me off when I ask a "silly" question. Being able to learn and grow without worrying because everyone else is learning and growing too. I love it all. It kind of gets me in trouble (not on here) when I assume that everyone operates within this mindset, but I still love it (even if I need to keep my mouth shut more).

But I've not always felt free to admit that I am still learning, free to admit my faults. I love that I feel like I can stand here and shout "I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TONE AND FAULTY MOVEMENT PATTERNS" and not have anyone judge me. A rosebud is no different than a rose.


5) My friends were there

Having my friends (some of whom ride with me) there made a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Glancing over to see L's hilarious facial expressions, hearing Nicole laugh loudly when Mary said that you needed to find a lot of different places to put it (the information) in (to the rider), letting Jan know that we'd find her a fan at Walgreens when we were all picking up hand warmers, going to lunch and chatting merrily about horses, discussing the clinic in the evenings, even sitting in the hot tub in the rain... it was all so much fun.

I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have found all these people. I missed them immediately (but am actually heading up to see two of them today!). We are so supportive of one another, cheer when things go right without feeling resentful, are there for each other when things go wrong, even if it's just to text "fucking horses, they're the actual worst" to one another.

Spending a whole weekend with them learning and laughing was an absolute gift. I really hope that we spend even more time together in the coming years. I'm not letting any of them go ever. They're totally stuck with me.

And now we're all way closer to one another because we've felt each others' butts.

Gotta bring out this picture one more time! Love all these people

This year my emotions were all of hope. There were some realizations about my teaching that feel raw, but after winning reserve champion high score in the Open First Level for my chapter of our GMO, behind a rider who won... like basically everything else in addition... I feel excited at how raw I felt about certain things.

I'm already feeling bad for my clients... not that bad though.