PONY SLEEPOVER

Friday after visiting TC, I still had more miles to go, and that was because instead of heading back home to the east, I headed north to Peony's house.

After harassment from Nicole to volunteer at the WSS event, I agreed when it was apparent that L and I would both be in the area. Unfortunately, L didn't make it, and you can read about why on her blog! So it was just me, Peony, and Andy on Friday night and it was AWESOME (but L was definitely missed, especially with all the pony talk and lack of unconscious cuddling in their guest bedroom).

Andy BBQed and we all talked horses while I contemplated how it might be possible to steal a dog. There's always a lot of good pony talk with pony friends and blog talk with blog friends and it's so fun to do both. We talked about everything from Spot's really really interesting breeding, to TC plans, to why Andy's new horse needs to have some version of "Up-gray-dd" (gah Peony I forgot how you spelled it!) as a show name, and more. We, uh, kind of stayed up way too late for the hour we needed to get up to be able to have breakfast and get going.

My jumps!

The next morning we got up and while my trainer friend was judging the event, we had pancakes and coffee. She actually wanted me to scribe and I asked Nicole but there were already enough scribes. Honestly I was super glad for that since dressage started at 7:30am but Andy, Peony, and I weren't needed until the jumping started around 11! So we slept in a tiny bit and then had pancakes and eggs and coffee.

Then at the grocery store we stopped for snacks, and I got some chai. Coffee and chai in the same morning, a morning where I was facing meeting a million new people at a new place and doing a thing outside my normal schedule, oh and generally I'm really sensitive to drugs. I was basically trembling by the time I was half way through my chai. I was probably the closest I've ever been to doing cocaine. We took separate cars on the way to the event since it put me closer to home and I'm glad we did because I was full of energy bouncing around trying to find a radio station. When we got to the event, all the jump judges were in the office and I like had to remove myself from the situation because I was so amped that I couldn't handle everyone else's adrenaline. Because caffeine. Craziness. I should not do drugs ever.

Eventually I calmed down, not before talking my trainer friend's ear off about why 4-3 is the devil and how LB was the day before and what my student's plans are and how I might become a dog thief and how her judging went and how I want to do the L program but there isn't one any time soon and I should have done the one that's just ending now but I thought they happened more often and I was in grad school and poor but now I guess I'm just as poor and I dunno should have probably done it right, right RIGHT? She's seen me at horse shows so seems immune to my weirdness.

Look at these dummies, their gate is open to the big pasture but
they're eating the sprigs in the smaller sacrifice area

Jump judging was fun! My jump was a touch boring (no complaints), the second jump on course. However, the third jump on course was very interesting at all levels, so everyone would sail over my jump while I was distracted calling it in, and then I got to watch as people crashed and burned over fence three. Not even the course designer was immune to the difficult turn to the skinny house going down hill at prelim.

The whole day made me fluctuate between that's it, I'm selling TC and am going to buy an event horse and I'll jump again and it will be great! and why the fuck do people do this sport, that was so scary. For now at least, I'm sticking with dressage, although Peony and I had fun imagining Rico and I doing Intro at one of these events. Not sure if it'd be more embarrassing to win against children on ponies/adults on green horses or be beaten by them as my horse refuses to jump colored sticks and goes lame while trotting downhill.

Peony has it in her head that I should take TC to one of these things, whiiiich might happen eventually, although can you get disqualified if your horse doesn't LEAVE the water complex?

Not coming to an event near you

It was an awesome day, although it was unnerving to find out that Nicole is actually six people, since there's no way that one person could have done her job. Oh well, she is still awesome and I'm excited to see her (and Peony) more on Sunday this week! I got all excited to jump judge again but then realized that at the next event there's a comp clinic with Tracey that I want to audit on the same day as cross country and... yeah dressage still wins.

Wind Assisted Bombproofing

Thanks everyone for your supportive words on Friday, it wasn't an easy decision but you guys made me feel all warm and fuzzy! Fingers crossed for tomorrow's interview. I'm really nervous but really excited.

This horse's constant state is nervous and excited

On Friday I headed out to see little TC after riding two horses all over the bay (fun fact: I drove 260 miles on Friday). I hadn't seen him in a week and a half! The reason for that was that I found myself being a little crazy and nervous about him trotting, so I figured that stepping back and focusing on riding Rico and getting myself to the gym every day was more important than driving so far to see TC and obsessing over his legs. I really really need to chill.

I've always wanted a lot of control over my competition (pfft ask me how nervous I was when my mom took Rico on a trail ride yesterday) horses, being exceptionally careful about who rides them and who handles them. I literally was afraid that someone would fall off of Rico (what's he going to do, bucking people off is too much work) and that he'd get loose and run around (again, too much work) and hurt himself. I was also afraid of giving him more than two days off in a row. So when I left for more than two days, I'd pay BRH trainer to ride him since he could sit any bucks. Did Rico ever buck? Fuck no. BRH trainer could barely get him to do anything at all.

I know I'm way overprotective and that's just not going to work in life anymore. I need to be able to go on vacation, I need to be able to take a job that's a little further away from the barn (so BRH trainer will fill in the other days), and I NEED TO CHILL.

So my first step toward chilling was recognizing that going to see TC a bunch was just going to make me crazier, and I took a step back and ignored him for ten days.

It was so hard to get a good picture of him, my
phone is failing at pictures lately

The horse noticed. He whinnied at me several times when he heard my voice. I felt terrible! But his leg looked AMAZING and apparently he's really enjoying his trotting.

What he is not enjoying, especially after my exploitation of it, is the fan that has been attached to his stall for the last week or so. It gets really hot in the central valley so all the horses have fans, cool! TC has never had a fan on him though. He doesn't much mind the air, but he minds what the air does to things.

When I stepped into his stall, a moth came in and sort of got caught in the wind of the fan, then landed on the wall. TC threw himself against the back wall and snorted at it. A moth. Later he was nervous about eating his alfalfa because the leaves would move around a bit. Then he was nervous because the plastic carrot bag got caught in the wind and flew against him repeatedly. Oh wait, that was my fault. Because I put it there, over and over again.

I'll give him that last one. He was traumatized by it, but there was no where for him to go to escape the horrible unyielding harassment from the plastic bag. He just froze and let it happen to him with this horrible tortured look on his face. It'd fly under his legs and he was just like this is it, this is how I die. At one point it flew on the other side of him and he leaped away from it into the opposite wall. So I shook it on that side of him until he was okay with it. By the end, he wasn't totally okay with it, but there was no leaving involved, and that's my goal. The horse has a serious flight response to everything, and I need him to learn to use his brain.

Hiding from the fan

Growing up one of my good friends had a young PMU horse. One day I got to the barn, walked around the corner and found my friend chucking a koosh ball at the horse. The horse was just standing there with one leg rested as the ball rolled across her back and dropped under her.

I was like WTF are you doing? And she says "every week, I bring a new thing to the barn and we work all week to get her desensitized to it."

Last week was a plastic bag. This week will probably also be a plastic bag. My friend's pony was a lot smarter than my pony. But one day he will be like Rico, and just roll his eyes whenever I go to open an umbrella into his face or chuck koosh balls at him. I started desensitizing Rico in the same way after talking to my friend that day, and there's basically nothing that bothers him at this point. It just takes time.

Covered in Mud

I ended up not going to see TC on Friday even though I had time. I'm really trying not to drive all over the place just for the sake of being a crazy horse owner. I'm also driving a ton this week and had the horse show not been canceled due to rain yesterday, would have driven 2.5 hours round trip then too.

So cute

The end of last week and this last weekend was great, though not particularly horsey. On Thursday I headed out with L and T for tacos (totally forgetting the date and just thinking that tacos sounded really good) and then L and I basically talked about ponies all evening. Best day ever.

Friday I wanted to ride Rico, making it all the way down to the ranch in traffic before realizing that no, the rain was not going to stop and that yes, my horse was way too muddy to ride anyway. Wet, disgusting mud. So I hung out with Stretch instead, which was really nice.

Stretch got his mane pulled, mane and tail brushed, and whole body curried, all of which he really needed. Then I played around with braiding him, which he loved. He kept looking over at me with this happy little expression like he was remembering his younger years being a junior hunter and a training level event horse. When I let him back out to his pasture, he galloped around wildly. He's definitely doing better these days!

Um, ew, thanks Rico

Saturday I actually DID ride both Rico and Riot. Rico was pretty good for his ride. Not as good as last week, but all week I kept being sent pictures and video of both of them galloping around in the pasture, so he probably tired himself out. My main issue is that he's been lazy, and I know that it's my problem. I really need to get my spurs back on (I lost one, ugh) and put a real bridle on him (he's much more forward in the snaffle) and actually ride him for real. Hopefully I'll find my spur this week, I have no idea where it got to.

Other than that, the ride was good, he had clean changes each way (didn't school any tempis), some great shoulder-in, and a little bit of piaffe that was more like half steps since I was thinking about Heidi's advice a couple years ago to "find the trot in the pi/pa" to make those more accessible. Also along the same lines of what I said on Friday, he really doesn't need to piaffe on the spot anymore.

At the end I pulled out a crossrail for him to jump. He really doesn't feel so comfortable jumping, but he was SO excited about it. I kept it low and quietly cantered back and forth over it. He moves up to nothing when he jumps- like it feels like he might see something and be moving up to it, but he lies and then chips. I wonder who taught him that... So it's all about keeping him on the same step without shutting him down. He's not the most fun thing to jump in the world, but he has a lot of fun jumping occasionally (and only over fences with no filler of course).

Riot has been really good recently, we're actually starting to sort of understand each other a bit better. He's sort of teaching me about TWHs and how to get a good running walk and I'm teaching him about being straight and not falling on his left shoulder all the time. It's going really well! I'm actually hoping to get a lesson this summer with a TWH trainer, but Riot needs to be in better shape first. I can't ride him a ton just yet but hopefully I'll be able to get him on sort of a schedule.

So cute, but so completely gross

It wasn't all good news at the ranch though (is it ever?). Rico is really struggling with turning his head right. I'm not sure how recent this is, since undersaddle he's always been reluctant to bend right, preferring instead to fall right over his shoulder, and I rarely did carrot stretches with him. I always thought it was me, since I tended to pull on the left rein and send him right, but now that my aids are evened out, I'm realizing how resistant he is on the right rein. I'm really not sure what it is.

So the chiropractor is being called for all three of them. Hopefully it's a chiropractic problem and not another horse in the barn with neck arthritis. Rico isn't neurological, which is good, but just seeing how hard it has been on Stretch and how suddenly it became a problem, I'm nervous for him. The plan is to see whether the chiro can help at all, and then to maybe start him on low dose prevocox to see if we can at least keep him more comfortable.

Fingers crossed that the chiro has good news. I really want to make sure that Rico isn't in pain. He's such a stoic horse that I worry about what is going on inside of him. He's never really been lame, despite once having a hole in his DDFT. I don't trust his reactions to things.

Rico basically

Back on the Favorite

Now that we're down to the last two months of TC's rehab and my vacation from riding challenging horses, I'm really eager to get in shape for his return.

I joined a gym on Tuesday and immediately suffered. I was running late so missed a class and just decided to take it easy on the rower. My plan had been to do some back squats afterward but the weights were being used. And honestly, after 2x 500m, I was toast. Like my back was burning, shoulders were aching, I felt like death. I used to be able to row a 5k and then do a second workout and go riding later that day. 500 meters was the warm up of my warm up in crossfit.

I went again on Wednesday and Thursday, and have plans to go tonight. Death, I feel like death. 

But the gym is only one piece of it, I need to be riding fit too. You know who else poops out after twenty minutes of work? This guy.

I gave him a haircut and he looks so much younger!

In addition to me needing to get in shape, I want to get Rico going a little bit more. I have a student showing Fourth who wants to move up to PSG this year (I will have an FEI student yay) who needs some practice with her tempi changes. I also want to get my SIL riding him more and have a few people I've offered rides to and I feel bad pulling them off of him after 15 minutes. 

Luckily Rico has been moving waddling around, he and Riot go out every day to the pasture and they trot/canter both in and out. So it's not like he's been sitting around like I have. My main goal is to get a bit of muscle on him and ask him to work for longer periods of time so that I can actually teach a lesson on him. I feel bad charging for a lesson if the horse I'm providing isn't fit enough! And I don't want to put Rico at risk. 

Hi animal

I've ridden him a couple times since I last talked about him. The rides tend to be the same but I'll describe one of them (the day that I'm writing this post).

At first, I worked primarily on the quality of the gaits. Rico has lost a bit of his trot because he hasn't had his joints (hocks/coffins) injected in a year and a half. We've talked about doing the coffins (I want his hocks to fuse) for my mom so that Rico is more comfortable on the trails, but that hasn't come up yet. Maybe this summer sometime.

But with a little passage injected into the trot, I got some really great steps. His default canter is also not as collected as it used to be, so we worked on that as well. I forgot how freakishly sensitive this horse is to my seat. You can collect him just off the seat (in fact, if you try to use your reins other than for the connection, he splats into the ground, fun!) and he turns exceptionally well off the outside thigh. It sounds weird, but sometimes even FEI horses can be tricky to steer, BFF sometimes takes a good tug and crowding him with the outside leg. 

I took that feeling into the trot and did a bunch of figure-8s. Rico wasn't as willing to track right (and afterward I saw that my girth had rubbed him- sorry about your fat armpits, pony!) as he was to track left. He really wants to dump onto the right rein, tipping his wither right, so I did some spiraling out to connect him better on the left side. It helped, but you know, he isn't super even (and honestly never has been). 

Diving for grass

We did get to the tempis, I want to make sure that the threes and fours are solid, and they are not. I think being in the hackamore was probably a bad idea since I struggled to keep the straightness.

The first line was a clusterfuck of changes. Some were clean, some were shockingly not. For a horse who basically anyone can get clean change out of, well, woops. Part of the problem was that the day I'm writing about, I forgot spurs. Never forget your weapons when going into battle with the laziest animal.

I straightened up and rode the hell out of the next line of threes and they were good. We then played with the fours, which I've always been kind of terrible at. The twos have a great rhythm, as do the threes. There's just too much time to fuck up in the fours. Accurate representation of what goes through my head during tempi changes:

Ones; OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
Twos: one-change-one-change
Threes: one-two-change-one-two-change
Fours: one-what is life anyway is there any real point to it other than ponies?-OH NO THREE- CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE DO IT NOW DO IT NOW

Sorry horse, you may get the perks of retirement, but you still have
to work! (before the mane pull)

I did manage to do a solid line of fours by the end. Once as the tempis are fairly automatic, I'm planning on hauling over to the covered ring across the road to school more of them. Unfortunately the arena at the ranch is only a short court, so I can only fit three changes across the diagonal. I'd like to be able to let my student school five (and not have to squeeze them in), since I think for some riders, having to plan for five changes can be challenging.

It will also let me school a bit of the zig zag too! We did get to do some lateral work in the short court though. He's definitely not as supple as he used to be, although I was pleasantly surprised that everything seems to be surviving his retirement fairly well. 

His shoulder-in is still fairly awesome. It's really great to the right, he basically just plops right into it and stays there with minimal input from me. To the left he does the same, though tends to weight the right shoulder too much, which makes the shoulder-in feel downhill. The outside front leg needs to really reach and take a big step forward, he feels a bit like I'm trying to put the movement on a low level horse.

The haunches-in was okay, I really just never got a good haunches-in on this horse. He still gets stuffed into the inside rein and doesn't step into the outside rein. I definitely want to school more haunches-in on other horses. For some reason, Rico just brings out the refusal to use the inside leg in me. Ugh. I had the same issues in the half pass, though the canter was much better than the trot, as per usual.

From last weekend

I didn't do a lot of piaffe/passage. I'm thinking that if I want to ride him more, I should cool it with the pi/pa work all the time. So I'll be limiting that to once a week or so. I just really don't want him to break down too much faster than he already has been.

I'm also not schooling pirouettes for a long while, if not ever again. I just don't like doing them on him, they feel difficult and labored, as they always have, but there's no reason for him to do them anymore. He's not great at them, like he is at pi/pa and the 2s/3s/4s, and he still negatively affects my riding in them, making me anticipate, lean forward, and pull. So it's best for both of us if I get my pirouette work in on other horses and he can preserve his hocks a bit longer. I feel the same way about the ones.

He is so cute

Overall I've had some really fabulous couple rides on him. I'm super stoked to have my horse back at a reasonable weight. As we were cantering along and he was super light in the bridle, collected, and turning completely off my upper leg... it just felt like home. Hopefully more rides will happen this weekend! 

A Closer Look: Intermediare II

This test is a beast in comparison to Intermediare I. When I was at Third level, I'd look up toward Grand Prix and it seemed like once as I got to Prix St George or Intermediare I, it would be smooth sailing to Grand Prix. But really, there's another huge filter at Intermediare II.

It literally has every single movement that Grand Prix has, just easier, leading lots of people to skip Intermediare II. I was one of the people who thought they'd skip, but was coerced into riding that test once by my trainer, good decision, since it's a nice way to try out all the GP movements without so much stress. Still a lot of stress though.

Onto the test.

Passage up centerline

Intermediare II

Hey an extended trot to start! Who would have thought? The first trot pattern is funny to me, since it's the exact zig zag you do at Intermediare I at the canter... but at the trot. That seems easier to me. Like why is that there? Honestly I think they were like "what do we do for trot?" and everyone was like "eh I dunno throw a zig zag in there." But be grateful, they're throwing you a bone here starting out super easy.

After this movement you track right at C, trot down the long side and passage between R and M. Note that you can passage BETWEEN letters at this level vs at a single letter. That is really helpful with horses green to the passage since you can take your time with the transition. Then you ride on a weird short diagonal from B to V. This is nice because you do not have to do 90 degree turns in your first passage, which are really hard. And crossing centerline, piaffe for 8-10 steps. Remember those numbers looking forward to GP. Then passage out, turn left at V to A, where you then piaffe again for 8-10 steps and passage out to P where you then transition immediately to extended walk. Rico loved that movement, it was bad for his training though!

Half pass zig zag in trot

At C you canter and immediately start with a medium canter across the diagonal, phew. A good place to energize the horse who may be backed off from the first pi/pa tour of the test. You get a nice short side and part of a long side to relax (you start cherishing down time at this point) before you do an extremely steep canter half pass from P to X (that's TWICE as steep as the steepest half pass you've done so far), ride straight on centerline, and full pirouette in the judge's lap at I.

Pirouettes on centerline are HARD and you never get to do them anywhere else from now on. See, one of the issues a lot of people have in the pirouettes are that they're hard to start ON the line, so the horse sometimes jumps in or out before starting, so you finish off your line. If you're on the diagonal, your error is not as noticeable to a judge and it doesn't really affect your trajectory afterward. When you're doing both pirouettes at I in front of the judge, all your mistakes are on display. Not only that, if you land outside your line, you may be setting yourself up for a very small half circle onto the rail, which might mess up your next movement, which is an extended canter (again very nice of them to let you do that).

Medium canter

Same thing the other way and this time coming out of your pirouette is a line of seven 2-tempis, same as Intermediare I. But you know what's coming... Eleven one-tempis follow your twos. After that you get to trot, phew, and they give you an extended trot right away to get the energy up for the final pi/pa tour (well, no piaffe) up centerline, which is again really nice of them- take note of how nice they're being to you. You passage starting between D and L (again notice the between letters transitions) and then halt at I.

Coefficients are the trot zig-zag, the extended walk, the collected walk, and both canter pirouettes. Note that there are no coefficients on your new hard movements- ones, piaffe, and passage.

Canter work

Overall

It was once described to me that the final (pi/)pa tour is always a test of heart in the horse. These tests are exhausting, they're nearly impossible to prepare for fitness-wise. Rico was as fit as he's ever been for these tests- riding 60 minutes of solid dressage at this level 4-5x per week plus trot and canter sets like an event horse on off days- and he could barely make it through. It's shocking and not for the faint of heart!

This test is great- it has enough difficult stuff (ones, a bit of piaffe and passage, that steep canter half pass, pirouettes on centerline) but it's a kind test for what it is. It beats the shit out of you, but offers you breaks and water and a massage afterward. Whereas the Grand Prix just leaves you mostly dead on the ground and steals your wallet too. And we'll see that test and the Grand Prix Special, which could probably qualify as a serial killer, maybe next week.

A Grand Overreaction

FIRST let me tell you that L over at Viva Carlos hit 1500 posts because she's a blogging bad ass and is holding a contest, so zip over there to enter! Just a few days left! I'm just hanging out here with my just-over-500 posts and feeling only slightly overwhelmed by the idea of hitting quadruple digits.

Baby horse coming in for the carrots 

On Monday I went to see TC!

I didn't go see him on my normal Friday because it seemed a little obsessive to go see him right away after I spent a bunch of time with him last week at the vet clinic. I'm trying not to be that owner even though I probably definitely already am. I bet most owners don't drive an hour and a half (one way) out every week just to give their horse carrots.

But Monday rolled around and I had time so quickly headed out. Man is the drive to the central valley on Monday afternoon completely miserable! I ended up taking the back road through the hills, which saved me apparently 45 minutes of traffic, yikes. I still managed to have time to stop by the fruit stand for carrots (and my new obsession: honey sticks) before seeing TC.

Starting to smile

TC began trotting on Monday. He gets to do 2 minutes per day. He also started his magnesium, and it was hot, and he had eaten a lot of his food, so he was really quiet. Not sure what of that caused the quietness, but I'm going to assume that it's the magnesium I'm spending money on. Even though it was very likely everything else.

We did our normal carrot eating and grooming routine that is becoming something I look forward to way too much. I get sort of desperate for pony time with my own pony. Brushing off other peoples' horses to ride is more of a chore. Everything was going well until I saw his leg, and my mood deflated. It looked bigger than the other one. Sigh. I touched it and it didn't seem warm or anything, but I swear there was a difference. I ran through increasingly crazy thoughts faster than I could take a deep breath and calm myself down:

- it's hot, Rico's injuries always get bigger when it's hot
- he started trotting, maybe we're expecting this
- maybe he played in his stall
- maybe he played in the walker
- maybe he smacked it in the walker
- maybe he's broken forever
- maybe he's not really a horse but a carrot eating machine

Insert carrots here

I sort of freaked out but tried to keep myself all together. Deep breaths. It's okay, it's not like it's enormous, just a tiny bit bigger, it's not like this is a sign of the lameness apocalypse. Horses don't have to have beautifully clean legs to be sound, some horses are sound with ugly legs and some horses with pretty legs are lame forever.

I finished brushing him and fed him all his carrots. He remained super polite the whole time and very in tune with me. I only lost his mind once when he startled and actually almost ran me over. Do not trust the baby horse. Do not lean under his belly to obsessively stare at his legs. It was a bit of a close call.

As I was walking out, I stopped to chat with the owners. I mentioned his leg and tried to play it cool. Yeah it looks a bit puffy but I dunno, he started trotting and it's hot and... the owners looked concerned so they offered to come see it. They could probably see the crazy on my face.

He walked in the stall and TC was glad to have visitors again. He picked up his leg and squished it. Squished the other one. Ran hands down both to check for heat.

And then he takes it a little far... 

Yep, it was nothing.

But last time I thought something was nothing, he had a suspensory injury. So I can't keep it out of my head. Luckily, like the insane person I am, I'm free on Friday to go again.

How to Make Your First Grand Prix Horse

I love this post on COTH about how to make a Grand Prix horse (read that first so this post makes sense, or just bask in ignorance). There are so many real things about it, it doesn't try to glorify the process of making it to Grand Prix. But, at least in my extremely limited experience, it still makes it seem a little too smooth for all of us mere mortals whose horses were barely broke at nine years old and had numerous injuries. Here is Rico and my version of events.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that article, imitation is the finest form of flattery, right?

At least he's a good looking horse

Meet him at late 8 almost 9 years old. He's mousey looking and won't stop licking you. He walks, trots, and canters with a cart behind him but also undersaddle, sort of. He goes when you ask him to, but you'll eliminate that response fairly quickly (and then never get it back) because his go button scares you. He stands in the crossties, then pulls back, gets loose, and makes you chase him around the property. He gets on the trailer, but then screams bloody murder if the horse he trailered with isn't within sight at all times. He stands at the mounting block but only when he is slightly too far away from it. He's balanced for a driving horse and sort of shiny. His conformation is good and his legs are clean... for now. You love him eventually, despite the fact that he'll be lame for a lot of the time you have him. He'll spend years never turning right because you can't let go of the left rein to save your life. Love him anyway, eventually.

One month in: He has a rearing problem.
One month later: He has a bucking problem.
One month later: Your trainer fixes these problems while you're on vacation but won't tell you how she did it. You think she must have beat him a little bit and feel bad for him. After you get to know him, you're sure she beat him and don't feel bad for him.

Take him to a horse show the first time off the property, why not. Screams his face off when he can't see your trainer's horse. Still earn a 72% to win your Training level class despite not actually steering.

Steering always optional, fetal position is also optional, apparently

He'll turn 10, your sweet First level horse will start having problems in the connection at Second because you're a shitty, shitty rider who won't let go of his face.

You'll ride him with a Big Deal Coach in a clinic, who will tell you that you really need to let go of his face. Ignore him, he doesn't know you, he doesn't know your life.

He'll turn 11 and smack his head on something that puts you out of dressage for a bit. You decide to jump him. He stops at everything that isn't an airy vertical. He bucks you off into a fence and refuses to be caught. But he cracks his back over 4' when he feels like it, so someone notices that he might be worth something if they get the crappy rider off of him. They offer you a ton of money for him and you think that you should probably take it, but you're barely out of your teens and he's your Flicka.

He'll turn 12 and you go get your Bronze medal on him. Not crazy scores, not even good scores, mediocre scores, but good enough for your medal. He doesn't completely lose his shit when half the decorative flowers fly into the arena because of the wind. You think maybe there's hope for him, ignoring the fact that there's not much hope for yourself.

He'll turn 13 and promptly break himself until you decide to retire him.

Typical

He'll turn 15 and you think you might be able to do something with him, you have nothing else to ride. You lie at night, thinking about how much money you already sunk into this asshole and how you should have sold him to that one person who wanted to pay so much for him. He could have been an amateur's horse, or at least a great horse for a professional who knew how to ride a horse properly into contact.

He'll turn 16 and you actually do manage to show him at Fourth level. You're a spaz of a human being so you go off course. Twice. But miraculously he stays sound and you score okay and you're somehow on the road to the FEI levels.

He'll struggle with the connection, he'll struggle with the balance, he'll struggle with not pulling on the left rein. Oh wait. That's you. Even after thousands of dollars in lessons. He only struggles with the ones and with the case of an owner who has too many dreams that don't involve a cushy retirement on pasture or wandering along on the trails.

pasture > trails > dressage court in Rico's mind

He'll turn 17 and you make wildly incorrect attempts at putting a pirouette on him while injecting all of his joints because, come on, he's 17 years old and isn't even an FEI horse yet. He'll attach his face to his girth in a failed attempt at a suicide to get out of working. Somehow he actually makes it to Prix St George and you find that he has a natural talent for piaffe and passage. Lucky you, because it's not like you even thought to put those movements on him before this time.

He'll turn 18 and you start asking for ones and don't get them because he's eighteen and has never been asked for them before and you're the kind of dumb who thinks you can put them on in less than a year. Your coach gets on and can't do shit on him either because not even the world's most amazing rider can ride a badly trained horse.

You enter your first Grand Prix and blow your ones because you don't fucking have them. You also swap out in a pirouette and show your best halts during all piaffe attempts but still don't manage to halt square when the test actually asks for it. Somehow the judge is tricked into giving you a 60%+ because of the movements that are so automatic, not even you can fuck them up (trot work, twos, and zig zag). You earn your Gold medal at the next show, but he senses that his retirement is looming and goes lame almost immediately afterward.

He'll turn 19 and you abandon him in a lush pasture (he does not complain) for a baby horse who then also goes lame.

He'll turn 20 and you consider quitting dressage and taking up heroin instead. It's cheaper and less addictive anyway.

Don't get me started on the hippopotamus I bought later that year. Hopefully he follows the article's course of events a little closer, since mine seem like a collection of poor decisions with enough good things sprinkled in where we made it to Grand Prix. But that's how life works, right?