At the horse show I had a lot of time to be thinking about what I want to do with my horses. The truth is, and I've been coming to it for a long time, is that I genuinely am not enjoying the sport of dressage anymore.
What started it all was when my horse looked miserable, felt miserable, went miserably, and still scored in the 70s at Third level with S judges in the rated dressage ring.
It ended with me having more fun than I think I've ever had in my life... in the jumper ring.
 |
| I still have fun doing anything with this guy though! |
I came back from the show and immediately had to prep for a dressage clinic with a new trainer. I went to pick up my saddle, which is now fitting me and TC quite well, PHEW. I did some lateral work and some transitions, and mostly just looked up at the hill and down at the cavalletti blocks wishing I could do something, literally anything, else.
We went to that clinic and it was... completely and utterly acceptable. I didn't really learn anything. I mostly got told where to go and what movements/gaits to perform when I got there. TC's balking had come back and we mostly just worked on getting him more forward. It was totally fine. Didn't get yelled at, didn't get told to yank on his face or kick the shit out of him. I was told that he was talented, to not give up the dressage on him, that the lateral work came so easily for him and that he had nice gaits.
I got back from this lesson and immediately was like well that's it, I quit. I don't know what I want to do with this horse, but I do not want to do dressage. It just isn't fun on him. It isn't that he's bad at it, it's that the sport as it scores well in the show ring makes him feel miserable to ride.
 |
| More of this and less "shorten your reins and kick him into the contact" please |
 |
| How much of the fun I had at the show was due to squeezing the shit out of Kate's little parkour champion? Lots. |
I definitely want to do some obstacle shows. That seems to be the most fun I can have with this horse without totally investing in another horse/discipline. We don't even need to practice all that much, he's just brilliant at everything.
I also do want to see if he wants to join me in some very low level jumping just at home. If I could do a little poles course or pop him over some cross rails, I think that'd be really fun for both of us and wouldn't stress his suspensory or his feet too much. I have no inclination to really JUMP him because I want him to be sound and I also don't want to die. The horse is not lacking in enthusiasm.
And I do want to do some dressage. But I want it to be on my terms. I want to do it the way I want to do it and not abide by any sort of rules or guidance from the USDF. I don't really want to have another lesson where I'm told to shorten up my reins and intimidate my horse when he doesn't jump off my leg.
 |
| I like riding my horse like this, which looks so off the bit after being around so many dressage horses! |
I also just want to enjoy my horse. Not put any pressure on to get him out every single day and keep him super super fit so that we can do clinics and shows and lessons. I want to trail ride just to trail ride and not to cross train. I think I have this feeling of "oh god what do I do with him" so the obstacle shows will give me a way of feeling like I'm "doing something with him" without really needing to work hard/take lessons/stress myself out over it.
I feel like I'm in this constant battle of why I do dressage. Like, I'm *good* at dressage, I have the medals and the scores to prove it. It's nice to do things you're good at. But do I do dressage because I love it, or because I'm good at it? Am I super passionate about dressage, or am I just a perfectionist who doesn't want to start from the bottom of another sport? Do I get joy from cantering down centerline or do I get joy from having the judge tell me that I was the best one who cantered down centerline? I honestly don't know.
And I think I won't know until I take the pressure off of myself. I have to test my hypothesis. I feel like I have to quit the sport, quit trying to get back into the show ring, to really find out if I actually like it anymore.
 |
| Wise words from work (I work in our Star Wars themed building lol) |
 |
| So many trainers have wanted me to shorten my reins and to that I can now say, nah |
I can absolutely see myself returning to the sport one day, even on TC! But I need to rephrase how I'm thinking about this sport. Right now I feel like I'm just constantly pushing my timeline out of when TC and I will return to Third level. Instead, I need to just throw that timeline in the trash and enjoy my horse. And if enjoying him leads me back to the show ring, so be it. If it means that I ride him bareback on the trails and teach him silly tricks and go to obstacle shows, that's great too.
The only thing is... what do I rename this blog if I never return to the sport??
I could not love this more, partially because I'm in the same place. My Dressage trainer told another student that I "retired" Connor, but I don't see it as such, I'm just having fun and not trying to push a square peg in a round hole for the sake of scores or medals. It's fun to just enjoy my horse. Right after I finally got a Dressage saddle that fits...lol.
ReplyDeleteOmg for real, I just bought my fancy saddle this spring and it just recently started fitting both TC and I really well aaaaand I don't care anymore lol
DeleteMedals and scores do not make one "good" at dressage. It might look good on paper, but I know plenty with medals and scores who I do not admire and do not wish to emulate. What makes YOU good at dressage (because you are, but not because of medals) is because you are a thinking rider. You put the horse first. Whatever path you choose I fully support and still want to hear about all your adventures!
ReplyDeleteOh for sure, there are definitely a lot of people who have their medals who do not represent the sport in a way that I admire and plenty of people who have either fallen short of earning their medals or who haven't prioritized earning them who I think are fabulous riders. It's definitely a flawed measuring system (not that I think it claims to measure how good someone is at dressage, but people certainly think that).
DeleteThat’s a great place to be, enjoying your horse and working so he enjoys his life also. Wasn’t that your childhood dream?
ReplyDeleteWellll my childhood dream was to compete at the highest levels of my sport, I was a very ambitious kid from the very beginning. It feels like my adult dream to find the fun as I shift from being a professional (which has been my focus since I was 15 years old starting to teach lessons) to being a makeshift amateur. It's been great!
DeleteI think the most important thing with horses is to have fun with them and enjoy being their partner. If competitions don't do that for you anymore, then this is the right path. Its definitely not letting your horse down or even yourself. Just do the fun stuff and ignore the rest!
ReplyDeleteAs for a blog rename, that sounds horrible to think about. I'm not very creative at naming things. Good luck!
That's my hope! And maybe I'll find that there is fun to be had in the show ring or maybe I'll find fun elsewhere, as long as it's fun, I'm here for it.
DeleteI love this too, even though I'm still not ready to give up on dressage. :)
ReplyDeleteAre you familiar with Karen Rolf (not sure I spelled the last name correctly) at dressage naturally. I think you find her a good fit and, even with the name, it's really about dressage unless you want it to be.
Oh yah I've definitely heard of her, I like what she's doing quite a lot. I don't think it's the direction that I'm wanting to go in (who knows), but I'm glad people like her are out there showing that dressage can be done in a way that puts the horse first.
DeleteI've been reading your blog for years and it's so interesting because I think a lot of us go on the same journey when it comes to dressage, but there aren't many people who've reached the level you have that are willing to talk about this stuff! I'm just a happy amateur who busted my gut for years with dressage and all I did was make my horses (and myself) unhappy. Then I got into barefoot stuff, which lead me to learn a bit about biomechanics and how to read musculature. Boy oh boy was that an eye opener and now when I go to a dressage show all I see is unhappy horses who are being ridden towards breakdown. Luckily I found some classical dressage instructors who train happy, healthy horses and I re-discovered a love for dressage training with them. I will only compete in showjumping though (love the objective scoring!).
ReplyDeleteI feel you on so many levels! I'm glad you found something that works for you, I definitely love the show jumping too. I totally agree, even if I got to a point with TC where showing was on the table, I know that I'd have to come to terms with what I would see at a dressage show. Even on social media it's starting to be difficult. Saw someone post recently a picture that they described as harmonious and I could only see the horse's pained facial expression. BUT I also don't want to be that person who looks down on people who aren't doing the sport perfectly either, especially knowing first hand how unbelievably difficult it is to get to the highest levels and how insulating momentum can be. I dunno, it's been a tough balance that I'm working through mostly off the blog, I'll probably write more about it later!
DeleteI also struggle with the 'holier than thou' feeling. It's a tough line to walk being supportive of others when you think what they are doing is incorrect. I find that it's important to constantly humble myself so I don't become a jerk lol.
DeleteOne more thing - I'm glad to see people like you talking openly about the downsides to competitive dressage because sometimes I feel like the kid from the sixth sense amongst my peers - 'I see unhappy horses, and they're been ridden around like their riders don't know they're unhappy'. Everyone I know talks the talk when it comes to horse welfare but good forbid you question the methods they are taught by their trainer when said trainer competes at GP and has lots of ribbons and all you have to show for yourself is some really happy and well trained horses who are still sound to ride at 30.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for putting what is best for your horse first and foremost.
ReplyDelete