Changes in Decisions

I thought I injured my back moving but when I took a day off riding and drove 6 hours, my back was totally happy, which is unusual for the injury. Also unusual for it was to have it hurt while riding. Laying down and riding (with my back brace, on a horse who doesn't lean on the bridle) have been the only things that injury likes to do in the past. 

Google photos didn't upload my recent ones so you
get old photos today

I decided to switch back to my saddle because I was getting dangerously close to spending a lot of money on the butterfly saddle and wanted to see if my back was fine. Sure enough, the moment my butt sat into that old saddle, my back felt great. And it hasn't complained since. 

TC honestly went fine in it too because I put it as far back as I could without it hitting the end of his ribcage (the best thing about having a horse with a longish back and a somewhat short paneled saddle) and stuck it there with a sticky pad. It slid a little forward over the course of my ride but stayed enough away from his shoulders where he actually looked okay for most of our ride. 

So now I feel a little back to the drawing board, but with more information. I don't feel comfortable buying from a company who won't let me demo and/or return a saddle that has a chance to hurt my back. I also don't know why that saddle is hurting it so I can't even ask them to custom make me a seat or flaps or whatever to help me. But I also love how TC goes in it and I think the reason why he goes well in it is because of how flexible it is, which gives him shoulder freedom. 

I just want him to look like this all the time

I've got a few things on the docket. First is to have my bodyworker lady look at my saddle and confirm that it's not too bad a fit further back. I've ordered a TSF girth to see if that will keep it back there in combination with the sticky pad. I've also put in a call to the Sacramento rep to see when she's coming down to do a fitting because she's always been pretty amenable to things like "I want to make sure this thing can be set weirdly far back." 

I'm also going to stop by a saddle shop today (I have to go into work to get my computer fixed anyway, and it's right around the corner) and take anything they have that feels decent to me and that I think might fit him. I'm a bit cautious about finding something now because my bodyworker lady says that he'll be dramatically changing shape in the next month and a half, but if I can get something that can be adjusted by a fitter or even gather information about whether other brands work for my back and that sit far enough away from his shoulders, that'd be helpful. 

Why do horses have to be so complicated?

I'm feeling kind of blah about the whole situation. Like I do care so much about making sure we have the right saddle situation and getting back on track to rebuild Third and then move on to Fourth level, but also part of me is considering giving up on the whole thing and teaching him a bunch of circus tricks so we can run away together. But that's a personal problem. 

Between moving to the ranch, moving to our house, and the generally chaotic nature of my work situation, I'm extraordinarily burnt out. I get like this sometimes with the two jobs and TC, feeling like I can't be good at anything because I simply don't have enough time to dedicate to any one of those things to be good at them. At any given point, I feel like I'm letting down my boss/coworkers, my clients, and my horse. Don't get me started on my friends, family, and I'd never put myself into the mix but I'm definitely not letting myself do . 

I've been brainstorming a lot about what riding means to me and what I want out of riding. I'm sure I'll write some post about it later. Yesterday when I rode I just got up in half seat and galloped around like a child on a pony because I was just so sick of my routine of changing something, taking video, looking at it, making changes in my riding, taking video again, looking at it. With how busy work is (and my broken computer lol that happened last Wednesday and I decided to just take the rest of the week off rather than drive in to have them fix it) and all the moves, I haven't had time to do anything like go on a trail ride or go away for even a day to do a non-horse activity. 

Luckily, we have some fun stuff planned as soon as this weekend and I've decided to take more days off of work at random to go trail riding or spend time with friends, or even to just sit at home and do nothing. My job is fairly flexible about vacation days, including letting us take some unpaid leave if we choose to. My mental health (and the fact that on any given day, I make more teaching than I do working my office job) is more important than one day or one half day's pay. 

We'll figure it out, TC

So hopefully that helps! And hopefully the horse will like other saddles too! And I'll be teaching him some circus tricks regardless because he's such a clown already.