Planning Ahead

I'm a planner. It drives a lot of people in my life nuts but I just can't help it. A lot of the time, I feel like it's detrimental. I spend a lot of my present life thinking about the future, living in the moment is hard for me. This has caused me to put off a lot of what I want to do in my life in exchange for the longer term future.

For example, I haven't been out of the country since I was a kid, and even then I only went to Canada and to Mexico. I don't even have a passport, something that's been on my to do list for the last several years.

I only have this weirdo to show for it

I've recently made a few changes to the way I deal with money. This year, with a lot of hard work (because my rent is 55% of my take home income from my first job, seriously, it's so ridiculous), I finally hit my financial goal of how much I want to put into my emergency savings account per month. And for a while now, whatever else I had left over also went into there.

But it seems silly to be working this hard to not ever enjoy what I've been working for. It was not very motivating, to be honest. So this year, my new years resolution is to RELAX a bit and utilize my forward-thinkingness for good rather than to just make myself crazy.

DID SOMEONE SAY CRAZY??? - young TC

I've opened two new savings accounts in addition to my emergency fund.

The first is a fun savings account, I've never had one of those. In my budget is a bit of money each month that gets transferred into that account. It's an account I can snag money from for things I don't want to be sticker-shocked by if I put them into my budget. One of the reasons I've not wanted to travel is how much of a lump sum has to come out of your account in that moment. The idea of dipping into my emergency fund to travel is truly horrifying (because I didn't keep any accounts other than that and my checking account until now). But this allows me to 1) have a dedicated account for fun shit and 2) not have to see such a huge number in my travel budget the month that we go somewhere.

The second... is a second horse account. I've been thinking a lot about how much fun TC is right now and how shitty he was for so long. I don't want to sell him and do another green horse on its own without having something fun to ride to remind me that I'm not a terrible rider. So I've talked a lot about wanting to buy a baby when TC is going at a high level. Aim to have the baby start to be good and be showable when TC ends up being for sale/lease (I'm getting so attached to him, so I told myself I'd do a paid lease into one of my friends' training barns if I couldn't sell him). That way I don't have several years between showing and don't have to feel like crap when I can't ride the baby to save my life.

I've kept that in mind for a while until we were in Seattle and I started telling boyfriend about it. He asked some questions, said that it all seemed reasonable and then asked what it'd cost me. I told him, then realized that I could talk about it all I wanted, I didn't yet have the ability to take that money out of my account to spend on the horse without taking a major hit in my emergency fund, a hit that wouldn't be a good idea to take... ever.

Do NOT want another one of these without having a grown up
version to remind me that hard work pays off

I did some calculations and realized that I was not setting myself up very well for this goal. Because the goal is a few parts:

1) be able to afford to buy a nice, purpose-bred small (mature to 15.1-15.2h) dressage prospect, probably a 2-2.5 year old, something not started so that I can ruin it myself

2) be able to afford a pretty substantial vet check (I want to be able to afford two of them, just in case a horse or two fails), I want to x-ray all joints plus back

3) be able to buy a new saddle between now and then, TC's saddle will be passed on to the baby and I'll get one that fits him. Because the baby will be a smaller horse, my current saddle should be able to be adjusted to fit the new horse.

4) be able to support said second horse.

I ran the numbers and it all works out that if I save the amount I think #4 will cost me per month, I'll have more than enough for #s 1 through 3 when the time comes. Perfect!

So my newest account is for the new horse, throwing the extra money into that account and when I can comfortably put #4 in there and am in the right place to get a horse, I'll be all set!

Fearing for my life in the show ring, would have been nice to
be able to go school a canter pirouette after that

This makes my compulsive craziness seem way more fun/worth it. Now instead of just being stressed about it, I'm excited to cut some expenses and put more into my pony account. A much better mental place to be for this year and the next few years! And hopefully in 2-3 years, I'll have a new pony to introduce to the blog!

Teaching Myself

I haven't been able to get on the schedule to see my trainer since November. I just haven't had a weekend where I'm available, she's available, and the weather isn't terrible. This month I'm just biting the bullet and riding with the trainer I rode with in Sacramento, she's down once a month and I got into her clinic today, phew! It's a bit pricier than Tracey, but it's a lesson and I need one. 

To combat my lack of lessons, this last weekend I decided to use my soloshot. It was actually warm and sunny and the footing in the only open outdoor was good.

Unfortunately I only got video of our warm up. There was a catastrophic injury at my barn that required a helicopter to come in. I opted to just put TC away because I was really shaken by seeing the firetruck and the ambulance and then hearing there'd be a helicopter. That's all I'll say for privacy's sake. Wear your helmets, guys (this rider always does, but it's always a good reminder).

I got to see how low tone and disconnected he is in warm up though, and that's not great:

This was when the ambulance was coming in, so a bit fussy

He's getting much more upright this way, this is the way that
he wants to lean in like crazy

My reins got too long here, oops

Too chillaxed

Seeing those videos made me feel kinda bummed. In so many ways he's so much better, but he feels so nice in the bridle when he goes like this and he doesn't look so great, he's super low in his thoracic sling. I am fairly pleased with my biomechanics. My hands occasionally get crazy and my seat in the canter STILL needs to be improved, but I'm really happy with how I've progressed as a rider this year.

I came out the next day and tried to get more video and failed to get the camera recording (oops), but I made some major changes to the way I was riding him and we got SUCH great work. I finally came out again on Tuesday and had a less good ride but DID get video (although Jesus, Soloshot was having trouble finding me a LOT of the time ugh), here's the difference:

Better place for warm up I think, still wants to drop his wither
but less so than the original videos

Trotting! Pretty pleased with my biomechanics during this ride

Soloshot had some issues this day

Oh man soloshot saw those hind legs and decided to hide them
from my view lol

A very drunk half pass zig zag, this was the first time I have
ever asked for one, he looks so proud of himself when I stopped
and pet him afterward!

I'm way happier with that! And so was he I think, he was way more pumped up and ready to work. I did get a few lead changes on camera but I'll save those for a lead change post next week, I'm excited to share how far he's come with them.

Nothing helps more than taking lessons with my trainer because she has an eye like no other. But the second best is being able to use this camera! Luckily I have a lesson today, I'm hoping to work on quality of the gaits and the connection, so it'll be a bit boring, but it's good for us because the Second level movements are confirmed and the Third level movements just need higher quality gaits to support them. Hopefully by the end of the year, I'll have a Third level horse and the beginning of a pirouette for our Fourth level or maybe PSG dreams by the end of 2021.

First Trail Ride of the Decade

This last weekend I decided to grab TC and head out to the trails. I didn't know how the footing would be, but I figured I'd just wander as long as the footing was good and then call it a day and head home.

I got to the barn and moved my rig around, packed it up and then loaded TC into it. TC hadn't traveled since November, so I had to load him like a normal horse as his self loading button broke. Once he was in, I got back in the truck and... nothing. My battery was dead. Not sure how it started in the first place. But it didn't start the second time.

Love this view!

Luckily, I have a battery pack in my car because my car randomly decides to drain its battery and the last time that happened, I got stuck at the airport until 1am waiting for boyfriend to come rescue me. I decided to try to jump the truck (much bigger than my tiny car) with it and... IT WORKED! I love that battery pack! It charges via USB and it's now jumped my car once and my truck once. Yay!

So with the horse very angry at me for being such a shit vehicle owner, we headed out to the trails.

I got there and realized that I hadn't set up a trail bridle. I want to buy a halter-bridle and put his KK Ultra on there because I have good brakes in that... my horse is weird. Anyway, I arrived with my nathe, which I have questionable brakes in and my double bridle, which he's worn once.

What a good boy

Enough prancy bullshit while I was tacking him up and I decided that it was a good day to have him carry the double around. He wasn't a fan of it going in his mouth because he's had some soft rubber in his mouth and now I shoved two heavy metal bits in there. But he settled down and relaxed (and I had good brakes that I never needed to use).

He handled the ride really well, even with a whole bunch of people around and no horses on the trails. There were lots of bikes and a dog that was jumping up and down barking at us. TC didn't care. The only thing he really looked at was a few cows down below him, though it felt like he wanted to go see them but couldn't figure out how to gt down to them.

We made it about a quarter of the way up our normal loop before things got squishy and I turned around. It wasn't bad, but I'd also started to run out of phone battery so I wanted to be able to text someone if I got stranded.

He saw some people, he loves people

Right as we got back to the trailer, like maybe 200 feet away, a tiny child saw us. She screamed, ran over to a patch of grass, snatched at it, then ran up to TC with a handful and asked if she could give it to him. TC may be kid friendly, but I am not, so I told her that some horses aren't friendly (as TC tried to gently walk toward her) and that she needs to be more careful. I asked her to go back to her parent and stand there.

As much as TC would love to be the sort of horse who everyone comes up to on the trail, I will never be the kind of rider who wants to teach people about horses when I'm out trail riding. I just want to ride. Maybe being an aunt will soften me up a bit, just a few more weeks.

Hills do a pony good, he felt so solid on them, he's getting
very strong

We finally made it back to the trailer and my truck DID start this time around!

It was a short trail ride and I a little bit paid for not tiring him out the next day as he came out like a fire breathing dragon again. But it was fun to get out there even for a short time! Can't wait to start trail riding more regularly, I think I've worked out how I can trail ride before work...

Actually Schooling Third Level

TC and I had such a good week/weekend since I got back from Seattle! In fact, boyfriend said "he's always good" when I told him for like, the seventh ride in a row, that TC was really good.

He's just awesome, okay?!

He's now schooling all of Third level, which is *insane* to me. We still have more to do for Second, but I have all the Third level movements on him and let's chat about them.

He was so glad to wander around in the sun and
so was I!

The main movement is obviously the lead changes. Those are coming along SO WELL. They are both clean and they're becoming ENORMOUS. Jesus Christ, this horse can freaking jump through the change. And he isn't even as through and round as I want him to be in the future. I'm mildly afraid of what those changes are going to be like and also how am I going to fit all those tempis across the diagonal.

At this point, I'm still mostly doing them across the same diagonal and they're not quite always on my aid, they're happening mostly when I set him up for them. I'm pairing that with the aid, so I'm sure he'll figure that out eventually. For now I'm just VERY happy they're clean and straight, so I'm rolling with it.

He's been the most low drama, easiest horse I've put changes on. When I started putting them on, one was unclean, it took me two weeks to fix the canter and then it's been clean ever since. Now we're just putting in the miles doing them and soon they'll be confirmed! He's so chill about them too. I mean sometimes he wants to bolt out of the corner and get to do them sooner, but I think he likes doing them! He never seems to get frustrated, anticipating, or burnt out about them, he just gets better and better.

My trainer friend at the barn saw us doing them yesterday, we were schooling them in the outdoor so I'm never certain if they're clean, but I figure he hasn't had an unclean one in a while. She came up to me afterward and said "all those were clean! Like good and clean, they look really good" so that made me smile.

This is the most TC thing I've ever seen

I've also taken my time introducing the half passes to him. His trot half pass is quite good, surprisingly good actually. He's flowing super well to the left, but the right is still a little haunches trailing. Weird because I would have assumed they would be opposite. I'm the *actual* worst at riding half pass, so I don't blame him for being a bit confused. He'd probably ride it really nicely for literally anyone else.

His canter half pass is still a bit shit but he's got such a giant moment of suspension that he's able to get quite sideways, he just blows through my inside leg a bit. The canter feels FABULOUS even when he blows through my inside leg so I'm really pleased with how the movement is developing his canter a bit more. Eventually I'll be able to clean it up into a show-worthy half pass, but for now, he's understanding moving laterally at the canter, so that's great!

Mom y r u so bad at haff passers?

I touched on the trot medium the other day. I'm still avoiding riding too many canter mediums/extensions because of the... uh... control issue we have in it. We do some work in medium canter to help him understand responsiveness to my leg, but I generally don't let him go balls to the wall. I'll try that in the summer when I've had a shot of whisky or something beforehand or something.

I've avoided the trot mediums because they've been kind of terrible. He also makes himself a bit sore doing them, so Tracey told me to avoid doing them too much until he's stronger. He's definitely stronger now but I still have been avoiding them. But I pushed the button and it has improved quite nicely! I figure as long as it's getting better, I will happily avoid doing it. Mediums are a lot of wear and tear on joints, horses only have so many mediums, so I'll be doing a lot of exercises that build the same muscles/ability that won't piss off his hind legs.

His face is so cute, also still love this bit

Things are going well this winter! He's still in the nathe and hasn't been bolting much recently (other than getting overenthused about the changes, but he hasn't gotten away from me). He's just loving his job and doing it well. I'm so excited for the year! I wish we had more time to show, but I think we'll squeeze in enough activities this year.

Juggling Act

As I get older, there seem to be less and less weekends per year. I'm not a fan. It's literally the first week of the new year and I've got several spreadsheets, calendars, and many emails/messages out trying to figure out my schedule for the entire year. This is what I'm balancing:

- scribing for the L program
- sitting for the L program
- the L program itself
- my clinic schedule
- my client's show schedule
- my own show schedule
- riding in lessons/clinics myself
- spending time with friends/boyfriend/family/my future niece or nephew
- going on vacation at least once
- not wanting to be burnt out

I want to go to a place between now and the
final exam too ugh

There are just not enough weekends.

If we break it out, which I have, this is what I've got going on:

29 weekends until the L program finishes, or 58 weekend days.

Of those weekend days...

6 of them are spent at the L program itself
10 of them are (hopefully) spent scribing or sitting for the L program
2 of them are being happily handed to Mary Wanless
16 of them are my own (some assumed/projected) clinics
8 of them I've blocked out for doing non-horse things
4 of them are blocked out for client shows (need to get the full list from my clients, there will be more I'm sure, although I plan on handing some clients off to other trainers for some shows)

Leaving 12 weekend days free for showing and lessons...

I think it's safe to say I probably won't show until August when the program is over. There are a couple of shows coming up that I might be able to swing, but a lot of that depends on whether TC is going to be ready to go back to Second level (since I've done fucked up his counter canter of course).

He loves the changes so he doesn't mind

But I've given myself full permission to do ALL THE SHOWS starting in August, so I should be able to do All Breeds this year even if I don't get to show before then. Here's the tentative plan:

August Greenville (2 days)
August SVE (2 days)
Those two count as two shows each so I'll be good for scores as long as we score okay. We have our 65% from this last fall to count as well.

Then I have some options for a Third level debut:
September YY (1 day)
October WSS (2 days I think)
November SVE (2 days)

There's a chance I'll snag the rest of my Second level scores in April... I'm thinking of doing CNDC, which counts as two shows. If I do that and then get his changes good enough to debut him at Greenville at Third WHILE grabbing another 2-1 score to finish up All Breeds, that'd be cool too! We'll see how close he is to Third by August, that seems rather soon.

The sunset was super cool the other day, had to stop (in the
middle of a country road no less) to take a picture

Either way, he's doing so well it'd be a shame to go another full year without showing him, so I'm dedicated. Fingers crossed everything goes according to plan and I have a Third level horse by the end of the year, go TC!

Strengths and Weaknesses Evaluation

Another thing that got me thinking in my journal was evaluating my strengths and weaknesses as a rider and evaluating TC's as a horse.

At first when I wrote everything down, I was like "meh, not too helpful, I already knew all this" but now that I've had it for a while, I keep thinking about the weaknesses and what I can control in that list and how to fix it. So I'm going to share what I wrote down and what plans I have to address the weaknesses.

Main horse and rider weakness: inability to
function normally when cold

Rider Strengths
- My experience level
While I want to do everything better this time around, I do have experience at all levels of dressage. This is helpful in that I'm learning from my own mistakes with Rico quite a lot. There's a reason why TC's walk pirouettes are an 8 already, why I'm putting the flying changes on now instead of when I need them, why I don't drill movements anymore, why TC is so steady and strong in his basics. It's because I've already made those mistakes and don't want to make them again. There is still a lot to learn (TC halts like Rico did... like crap), but I do have a lot of experience in this sport.

- Lack of impostor syndrome
I save all of my impostor syndrome for my teaching! I don't really ever worry about whether I belong at a certain level when I go in the show ring. I also don't move up before I should anymore, but it helps to not really have any self doubt while riding. By the way, I've always felt this way in dressage, this has nothing to do with my experience level.

- Great area for dressage
There are a ton of shows nearby, I could basically show every weekend without driving more than three hours. It's also worth noting that we can ride and show year round. The only month that doesn't have rated shows nearby is December.

- Good trainers, vets, farriers, saddle fitters, chiros, etc
Along the same lines, my area has excellent trainers, you can't walk several feet without tripping over a Gold Medalist. I also have a fabulous farrier, several amazing vets that are within an hour's haul, and a great chiro-vet who I work with.

- Excellent support network
My friends are amazingly supportive, boyfriend asks why I don't yet have a fully custom saddle, parents are an excellent resource for knowledge (I've made my poor mom talk to me at length about supplements, adequan/legend, and hock/stifle injections), and I have a great network of trainers I can ride with (like Alexis teaching me on her GP horse is huuuuge for my development as a rider and trainer, I need to see her more).

Boyfriend also drives me to my clinics sometimes

Rider Weaknesses
- My schedule
My commute SUCKS and I have to work two jobs to make ends meet. This means that TC gets ridden four days a week and often gets unexpected longeing days or even days off when I don't have time to get him out.

- My current fitness level
I was so fit last year and this year has been really tough for me. I haven't found a CrossFit I like and am so busy that it's tough to fit in workouts. Boyfriend and I have been doing some stuff at home and have some plans to put together sport-specific (he's a cyclist) workout plans, but the holidays have cramped that style.

- My SI injury
This is the root of my right-side issues and I'd love to figure out what is actually going on in there and get PT to fix it. But for now, it just makes me fling myself off the left side of the horse.

- Not being independently wealthy
This is related to my schedule, in that I have to work two jobs and have a long commute to make ends meet.

- My judging goals
For this year in particular, the L program is going to cramp my style with showing and riding. I need to scribe and sit at a bunch of shows AND I'll be gone at the actual program itself.

Primary horse strength: cuteness

Horse Strengths
- Work ethic
TC has an amazing work ethic, you can ride him in the same arena and do the same thing every single day and he's so happy to do it. He never gets bored and is just a happy fun horse to work with!

- Three pure gaits
TC's gaits are tricky but he has a fabulous walk, a trot that has some suspension to it, and a canter that isn't lateral. His gaits are huge and his tendencies aren't the best, but I'm not in as much of an uphill battle as I could be with a lateral canter or a choppy trot.

- Age
TC is still young, even though he's technically behind in his training, he is only nine this year and should be finishing out the year at Third. When Rico was nine, he was showing First.

- Sense of humor
TC has an amazing sense of humor, sometimes it's a bit much, but he really is a good boy who can take a joke. This hasn't always been the case, but it's helpful now to have a horse who is relatively relaxed about his job, even when I fuck up.

Primary horse weakness: wind

Horse Weaknesses
- Old injury
TC's old suspensory injury may not hold up to upper level work, who knows!

- Tonal quality
TC is a relatively low tone horse who can be very reactive, this makes training him challenging for me, as you need to add tone without adding explosiveness. Balancing his brain and body training has been hard and I can only imagine it's going to get harder as the work gets more difficult for him.

- Conformation
At first glance, TC looks like a nicely built dressage horse, his withers are higher than his butt, his neck looks beautiful coming out high from his shoulder, and his legs are straight with good bone. But he's got a long back, is built out behind and stands under in front, and wants to go around like a friesian with a big front end and a trailing hind end.

- Difficulty in the collection
Because of the above, collection is going to be HARD for him, he is just not built to engage his thoracic sling or get his hind legs under him. He's built to push himself over the ground into his own knee action.

- Difficulty in the connection
Because of his conformation again, he's got this high set neck that can bend at the weirdest angles. His response to the bit is ALWAYS to retract the neck, so I've got him in the softest bit possible to help him feel comfortable reaching for contact. This is very likely going to take away my ability to use a double bridle, which I wasn't really planning on using on him, but it's taking away a tool from me so that's unfortunate.

I love my barn

So in both weakness categories, there are things I can fix, things I can't do anything about, and things I can use my strengths to counterbalance.

For example, TC's conformation isn't ideal, but I have some experience with non-traditional horses in dressage and access to fabulous trainers who can help me with him.

I don't have a great schedule, but I do have a great barn that I trust to take excellent care of TC while I'm unable to be there.

I might not be around as much because of the L program this year, but I've already learned so much that it will help my riding in the long run.

My fitness isn't ideal now, but I have been fit before so 1) I know how important it is and 2) I know what I need to do to get it back.


I'm really liking this journal so far! It's making me really evaluate myself, my horse, my goals, and just riding in general. I think I'm way more excited for this year than I have been in the past. Woohoo!

2019 Q4 Goals Review and 2020 Q1 Goals

The first of the year and I'm so ready for it! I can't wait to start Part 2 of the L program and to continue all the good work that TC and I have been doing.

Our only show of the year happened in this quarter!

But first, a review of my quarterly goals from last quarter:

Q4 Goals (October, November, December)

TC
- stay sane and sound 
Pretty good, thanks TC!
- keep trail riding a lot
Not very much, but we did do a working equitation playday!

- go to the beach again
Not in the cards, I was too busy

- rated debut at Second level
Yep! Not exactly as planned, but still, we did it!

- solidify the haunches-in
Definitely way better

- solidify the simple changes
Main focus was the walk to canter, but the canter to walk is getting smoother too

- work on the half pass in both trot and canter
Definitely did some of this

- work on the medium canter
Working mostly on responsiveness but that will help here too

- solidify the 10m canter circles
Getting way better

- begin (maybe) working on the flying changes for real
Yep! Lots of work on these

Best pony except when he's trying to launch me

My Riding
- continue working on organizing hands
Work in progress for sure, but getting better

- get my leg off at the canter
YEP

- offer to be a demo rider for Mary! 
Decided against that because my niece or nephew might be born that weekend!


Teaching
- don't panic if work slows down this winter, it will and it's okay
It did and I mostly didn't

- add another 1-2 weekly clients
Kept one I thought I was going to lose and added another!

- utilize rainy days to make flyers and meal prep (also to relax)
I've been doing a lot of relaxing on rainy days and it's been wonderful

- bill people sooner (ugh I put this kind of thing off) 
Wellllll this was okay, still room for improvement

- update website
I did!

- post at least once on facebook (show results, whatever)
I think I did, I can't remember

- post at least three times on IG
YEP



Msc
- go bouldering again
I did, I'd like to go more regularly though

- consistent gym schedule
Not so great, struggling to find a good one again

- go snowboarding (or at least go to the snow) 
Planning on this in January

- take at least one weekend day off per month (so three for this quarter)
Yep! I had a few!

- set up a vacation budget/separate account to save for it so that I can actually enjoy the fruits of my intense labor 
YES, I'm really excited, boyfriend and I are just getting back from Seattle today and we are starting to plan on our possible Hawaii trip for his birthday this spring

So tense but it's okay!

TC
- stay sane and sound
- solidify the flying changes even more
- work on the half pass in trot
- work on the foundation of the half pass in canter
- continue to get him more upright on the right side
- work on the walk to canter transition (throughness, responsiveness)

My Riding
- get plugged in on the right side
- continue working on organizing hands
- internal rotation in canter and sitting trot

Teaching
- don't freak out about winter lesson cancellations
- utilize days off for flyer creation
- update website
- post on facebook
- post on IG at least twice
- learn a lot at the Mary clinic!
- add one or two more weekly students
- add another clinic location if possible (might wait until summer for this)

Msc
- go snowboarding!
- solidify a workout routine
- take one weekend off per month (and/or go on a vacation)
- BECOME AN AUNT

I'm so excited for this quarter! I start Part 2 of the L program and get to ride with Alexis again. And I'm ridiculously excited to become an aunt this quarter!